I Need Major Big advice?

Question

From mature adult women and men only please, that has been in a long relationship.

All right, here it goes I never thought that I would ask anyone for advice because I am the one that usually gives it however here is my story. My husband and I have been married for 26 years and I have always trusted him, and vice versa, but lately I have been having some questions about his staff at work most of them are women, “YOUNG WOMEN.” The few times I have gone to his employment I sense something odd amongst the girls they are not friendly but they are also not rude. What I mean is that they will not say hello to me when I am visiting my husband so I have to go out of my way to say hello to them. I feel that its because they all have there own cubicles, but when I am leaving I will yell out good bye girls and have a nice day, they have never answered back my husband told me its because they are all real busy and that they just do not here me. I know that there is one or two girls that like him and have ask him if he had a brother just like him, because he is great and good looking man of course, he was flattered and the only reason why I know this is that he told me. alright so here is today my husband calls me and ask for me to go buy a few mice traps because the girls are seeing mice and they are eating there junk food in there drawers I arrive with the mice traps and there it is again I feel such coldness from them, but why? I feel that these girls know something that I do not; I was so frustrated when I left the office that I said to myself some thing is going on, is he having an affair? And everyone there knows it but me? He does have a personnel assistant and I know she is one of the girls that have a crush on him. Therefore, when he came home from work today I confronted him are you having an affair. And do not waste my time by lying yes or no it is that simple, it just ended up in an intense argument just awhile ago he wanted to talk to me to kiss my butt, but I told him I am so angry right now so please just leave me alone give me time to think!

Answer 1

You have treated your husband very badly based on something that you sense, real or not.. You accused him of lying before he ever said a word. You are older then the young ladies they are going to perceive as more of a mother then a friend, you are the boss's wife you carry his authority with you. they are showing respect, not speaking unless spoken too.
I think you made a mistake, a big one.

Answer 2

If he were having an affair YOU'd be the LAST one he would call to bring mouse traps to the office. I am recently separated from a 22 year relationship and you are headed there based on seething jealousy alone. Please see the table turned if you do not understand. The 2 people you said have a "Crush" on him asked him if HE had a brother or anyone like him. Thats not a crush. Don't flatter yourself either - I have 1 secratary and 2 assistants. If my wife comes to the office she realizes she is coming into the "hen house" and it is all on, all the time. By that I mean busy. If an entire office is avoiding you do not pick out 2 that you feel are guilty and dream up an affair must be going on. No one has said that and if you wnet back in to the office and said that in the lunch room I am SURE you would be laughed out of the office. I do not want to be so hard on you, it is the obsessive comulsive ideas you came up with and let run unwarranted in your mind. You are reacting to a fear. I was asked this by a $$therapist$$ (its on me today) so I will ask you, Is there some reason you have considered cheating on your husband? If not, do not go to the office anymore. The environment and what you observed ONLY point to the fact you would never work there with such cold people. Thats it. Control this within yourself. I'd be mad and do not plant a seed like break up in your husbands mind based on an empty threat from your fear. He may act on it since you are so tense. Has anyone ever cheated on you? Have you ever cheated on anyone? There are groups to help you work thru it, either way you need to stop here, go back to Start and try to work on you and be happy or work thru this. Let him know you have no grounds so he understands you are working thru it.

I wish you well anf God Speed. PEACE to you in the new year!

Answer 3

No. Alimony is not at all the same thing as child support. Alimony is also known as spousal maintenance - my understanding is that is less likely to be awarded by the courts, as there are more and more wives who don't stay at home. (and please don't focus on celebrity divorces - most of us don't spend thousands of dollars a year on hair salons, m'kay? I'm talking about NORMAL people here...) Spousal maintenance may be short term, say for a few years, with the intent of providing a bridge for a divorced SAHM to get a job once the kids reach a certain age, or it may be longer term depending on the age and circumstances of the wife at the time of the divorce. F'rinstance, if a woman who's always been a homemaker gets divorced at age 60, she's hardly likely to find a job that will support her, so she may be granted some kind of support. Each case is individual depending on the couple and the judge's predilections. Child support is meant to support the child. Just what it sounds like. But that includes, f'rinstance, having a suitable place to live. Costs more to have a 2 or three-bedroom apartment than a studio, and the child support costs go towards that, among other things. But the simple fact is that most divorced women and children suffer a huge drop in income and economic wellbeing. It is endlessly expensive to raise kids and to live, and the costs of running two households instead of one, on any income (even two peoples'), are crushing. And then there are guys who don't pay the ordered child support.... My husband's ex took the child support money and used it to support her new husband's business, and there was nothing he could do until the child became emancipated and he paid her directly.

Answer 4

it sounds to me that he his having an affair, the best thing I can tell you is try to get friendly with one of these women and maybe they will tell you although, I doubt it if they like there job. The moment he knew his personal assistant had a "crush" on him he should have moved her to another department. They obviously have a close relationship for him to know she likes him. Alot of women may have a "thing" for there boss but, usually they dont just go tell the boss. I would say he is having an affair and maybe you should consider talking to him about letting you be his personal assistant or else just getting a divorce. A lot of men thinks its nice to have younger women attracted to them and maybe he is one of those men. I am not saying that it is right but, i really think by what your saying he is having an affair.

Answer 5

I've learned when your angry it's not always the best time to say what's on your mind. You sometimes ramble on without allowing the other person any time to speak. Those women are not around you all the time so they probably don't know you that well and don't' know what to really say to you. Plus of course they are at their jobs. If you suspect something then talk to him about it when you can talk not scream. I have to agree that a lot of times when your older then women who work with your husband you can feel insecure but the fact is at least your husband told you of the women that have a little crush on him so that should tell you something. I mean he didn't have to tell you in the first place right? ;o)

Answer 6

I have heard over the years that if you think that your husband or boyfriend is cheating on you . . . then he probably is cheating on you. My ex-husband cheated on me and I always had a feeling that he was but he would convince me he was not. Finally I caught him and it then all the pieces came together.

In my opinion, he is having an affair. There is no reason for these women to be that way unless there is something going on. Now you have to find a way to find out if it is true because you might now believe it until you see it. Figure out a way to catch him.

Good luck.

Answer 7

i don't think he's having an affair. no offense, but i'm assuming since you have been married for 26 years that your husband is an "older" man. no younger women in her right mind would want a man that old, no matter how good looking he was. i have a feeling that maybe he is telling them things about you that make you look bad in their eyes. maybe he tells them that you are mean to him or whatever. or it could be that some people just don't feel the need to be "nice" to the bosses wife. i don't thin the entire office would cover up an affair.

Answer 8

Don't be childish about the situation. In any case it sounds like you are overreacting. Most women are cold towards each other,even if there are a few out there that don't mind being civil and kind.
You can ask him,"dear honestly,just tell me,because lying won't help you",if you truly believe he is having an affair use the ploy,"well I have evidence against you,either you tell me,or let me remind you",sometimes you get a confession.
In either case,don't shut out the communication in the relationship,because you can make it worse then what it should be.

Answer 9

It could be insecurity or it could be women's intuition. Before starting another fight I'd hang around the office a bit more. Warm up to one of the girls. Try not to over react. You don't have much to go on. Again I'd just try and hang out at the office more often.
Hang in there.

Answer 10

Guess I dont understand why your discussion with your husband turned ugly. If you cant get an honest answer from him, why not ask the girls in the office. It should be further obvious for you, by the reaction of those you suspect.......including him.
Keep your eyes and ears w i d e open! Good Luck.....