we come from 2 different races and religions, but i admire this man and wish to marry him just to have his child and of course live with this man for the rest of my life. but my question is, is it okay to marry a man who does not feel the same passion over me? and can he become in love with me over time the same way i feel about him?
2007-01-01 13:52:50 · 18 answers · asked by freshcalmbreeze 1 in Social Science ➔ Gender Studies
No, I don't advise it. This sounds like a lonely existance.
2007-01-01 13:56:12 · answer #1 · answered by treejamin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely, it's possible. The idea of "romantic" love as a basis for marriage is really new (only about a century and a half old or so) and has it's roots in Medieval notions of the chaste and pure unrequited love (a really absurd notion when examined). I will also say that the kind of passionate, romantic love that people expect as a prompt to marriage does NOT last a lifetime. The love that DOES last takes time to build and is very different from that passionate, romantic love. Mind you, it's not worse or better... and doesn't preclude romantic love... it's just different. I speak as one who married in the throes of intense passion and romance and we've now been married over 20 years. We're still very much in love and even still experience passion and romance. But the love that sustains us grew slowly over time and came with living together, raising 4 kids together, fighting, arguing, making up, agreeing... growing together.
The best advice I can give you, if this is your decision, is the same I gave my daughters when they married. Stay best friends. If you can treat each other as best friends... share things as best friends... always be willing to forgive like best friends do... care about each other as friends do... value the friendship between you... and see and treat each other as equals (as friends do)... then you can weather anything else that comes your way... and that IS love... the most enduring kind.
2007-01-01 16:04:59 · answer #2 · answered by capt_sheffield 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
From the outside it's easy to say....no. Only you know if he can grow to love you but i'd say chances are not good that he will. If he doesn't love you now he may find someone that he loves while you are married. Of course this will complicate things especially if you have a child with him. More than yourself, think of the child you may have. Kids can handle things i suppose, but why put them through it knowing it most likely will happen. Surely you can find someone who will love you in return. It's a big world out there. He can't be so good that you have no choice. You do. While it's hard to let go, think of how you'd feel years from now wondering how you could of made such a mistake. Those are years you won't be able to get back. Good luck...........however you decide.
2007-01-01 14:03:22 · answer #3 · answered by Bickle4 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most marriages were arranged marriages and there was no love involved. Love is commitment. What people think love is is infact lust or passion. Those feelings change over time and can't be trusted. If you respect him and want to marry him, he may come to "love" you in time. It was not until the recent times that "love" came into the picture of marriage and as you can see by our history and society that the minute our "love" stops, we divorce. Marry for something more than "love". Companionship, mutual respect, fondness, and friendship last longer that "love". Good luck
2007-01-03 07:04:45 · answer #4 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In order to do so you will need plenty of inner strength and only then will it and can it ever be done. You need to be extremely focused on your goal, which of course is to get him to love you. You have to be willing to and strong enough to accept the consequences be they good or bad. Then we come to the part of chemistry. In the beginning there is not the slightest inkling of chemistry your cause is lost and it is best to just quit while you are ahead. Last of all we come to the child you want to have; with all I just said are you willing, able and can you do that to a child? You will need an over abundance of inner strength and patience up the ying yang. Can you fit the bill and will you in the deepest recesses of your heart be able to do this even with a child? In the long run what will happen is the child will pay for the happiness and the sadness, that's quite a burden to put on him or her.
2007-01-02 06:26:17 · answer #5 · answered by Laela (Layla) 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is very nice what you feel for him but I don't think it is a right question "is it OK to marry him", but rather ask yourself CAN YOU accept this condition. Some people can. But other ones need to get the same they are giving. Maybe you should talk with him honestly and find out are you really ready to accept what he is able to give you. It is OK to love and admire someone who does not feel the same for you, but it is not good for you to suffer.
2007-01-01 21:27:17 · answer #6 · answered by Aurora 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That seems silly to marry a man who does not love you. Although it is possible for someone to fall in love over time, why chance it. What if he never falls in love with you? Then what? Also, a bigger question what makes you think he even wants to marry you?
2007-01-01 14:01:00 · answer #7 · answered by mypassions4life 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO it is not OK, But you can marry him, only if he is a trillionaire with no prenuptial agreement. or if you love him enough for the both of you, and he has respect for you.
If he is a man of honor, a gentlemen and a scholar and is willing to marry you, try it. Yet, I was married to a man who loved me
and I thought I could learn to love him.. I was married for 32 years (because he treated me nice and we had kids.)
But, I never learn to love him in fact when we got divorced I felt free for the first time in my life. "Better to have loved and lost than never to have love at all?"
2007-01-01 14:55:10 · answer #8 · answered by a_sojourner_withyou 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you look at arranged marriages, then yeah, it appears that a love can develop on his part even if at first it wasn't there.
I know a few people who were married in arranged marriages and so virtual strangers before they found themselves married. But they've been married for years, are in love, and have children that they love immensely.
2007-01-01 14:08:49 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think there is a clear cut answer in this case. Yes, it is possible for some one to grow to love someone else over time (such as in arranged marriages:I know of couples who grew to love each other and others who never did). However, it is not guaranteed.
It is a risk you would have to take. Not a wise one in my view of things...loveless marriages never end well...if they end at all...
2007-01-01 14:05:47 · answer #10 · answered by blue1620boy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it's a good idea to marry a person who doesn't love you. How can the two of you be happy if one of you doesn't love the other one?
2007-01-01 14:04:20 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋