I have been married to my husband for 7 years. I found out he was addicted to meth after we married, I have tried to keep this marriage together, hoping and praying that he will change. I've always thought that if I give him alot of love treat him good, he would change. But nothings changed. He doesn't work. I work full time and in the process of starting my own business. I'm very successful as far as raising four children on my own, paying all the bills and jugling the kids to their sports activities. He has only worked a total of maybe one year total in the seven years weve been together. He does nothing for himself. I have gotten a restraining order on him, put extra locks on my doors and he has always managed to get back into my house, one way or another. After moving out of four homes hoping he wouldnt find me. I find myself exhaused. I find glass pipes in his posession, burned foil etc. Hes up at all hours of the night. We argue everyday? What shoud I do?
2007-01-01 13:41:29 · 33 answers · asked by LAURA Z 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You should leave him.
As the child of a addict, please if for the nothing else, the sake of your children. My mother stayed with my addicted father and he put us through hell. We didn't have proper clothes, food, or shelter because he would steal all the money from the house.
Please get this through your head. He will not change without professional help. YOu can not change him. He has to want it for himself, and still many addicts though they try have relaspes.
Don't put your children and yourself through this. I wish my mom would have left my father. It would have saved me thousands in therapy bills and I wouldn't have the issues I have with men.
2007-01-01 13:48:04 · answer #1 · answered by Chica Creole 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are the only one who can decide if you should leave or not.
Unfortunately, no amount of love or good treatment is going to make him change. The ONLY thing that will make him change is if he stops doing meth. From the sounds of it, he doesn't seem like he's even remotely trying to stop.
If you have had to move and get restraining orders against him, be the sole provider and care giver for the kids, you fight all the time, ask yourself WHY are you still with him? You sound like you are doing it all on your own anyway, so what keeps you from leaving? I'm not saying that in a mean way, I'm just saying that you should really think about why you are still with him.
I think that you and your kids deserve a better life than that.
I wish you all the best of luck in whatever it is you decide to do.
2007-01-01 13:51:52 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are obviously in a tough situation. This may not seem to be the best option, but you may need to notify him with the fact you may file for joint custody of the kids, leave, or both; if he doesn't join a drug treatment center and get help. Don't threaten him, though. That will obviously make things worse. Try to "make a deal" with him. If he doesn't care about the kids or has given up on himself, then, yes. I'd say you should leave him. When you two married each other, you both are to be until death do you part. But you must realize that he is endangering you and your kids. That's why you have perfect reason to leave him. Try to do what you can to save him - bring in family or friends - to encourage him to get some help. That way, the kids won't lose their father, if you can do something. If you can't or he doesn't come through, then leave him.
2007-01-01 13:54:51 · answer #3 · answered by Chris 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you already knew he was into drug using. You shouldn't have married him. You cannot change anyone who doesn't want to make an effort to change. That was a huge mistake on your part especially with kids involved.
You husband needs the help that he can get by admitting himself to a rehab center for his addiction.
If he doesn't want to get help, then you have a decision to make, but do what is right for you and your kids. For you kids to be in a home where drugs are being used, is not a good example.
Also, when there is a restraining order against him, when he comes to your home, you need to call the police so they can remove him....or they might arrest him if they find drugs on him. I would turn him in so he can see that you mean business for him to get some help.
There is hope for him, unless he is willing to seek professional help....he can overcome this, but in the meantime, stay away from him until he gets help.
You and your kids don't need someone who is not in their right mind and is using drugs. That is not a good example for your kids. You need to move on with your life, but you and your kids might need some counseling too. Something to think about for the sake of your kids. (smile)
2007-01-01 14:02:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, honey. You have to get out of that situation. I know you love him but you don't love the addiction. The problem is that he has an addiction... a long term one... that he can not and will not give up. Tell him it's the drugs or you. And mean it.
He is putting you in danger and this will drag you down. You are watching him slowly die! The cops could raid your house. He could OD. The kids could get into it. He could burn the whole house down. You could lose everything because of HIS addiction.
Be strong enough to get away from this. Hopefully someday he will be strong enough to get away from the drugs. But that's his choice. You can't make him quit. You can't make him okay. He has to decide when he's ready.
You sound intelligent, creative, and strong. You can do this. Do what is best for you and your children. If he hasn't cleaned up in 7 years he probably never will. It's not your fault. You've done your best. Now get up the strength to get out. Make your life what you want it to be!
You know you have to. You wouldn't have asked if you didn't know in your heart that this is right.
2007-01-01 13:52:07 · answer #5 · answered by fluffomatic24 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am going through a similar problem with a few differences. My husband and I have been together for 9 years and he won't admit to having a problem although I know its there. He works every day and I am a stay at home mom to a son that he treats as his own. I am clueless of what to do cause I am still totally in love with him. I guess I didn't answer ur question but I let u know ur not alone with this.
2007-01-02 17:51:33 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i normally would not answer a question with another but what the hell you doin there girl.I have worked a lot with people like him and if he wont go into rehab and kick the habit he doesn't care about you or your kids and he will drag you down with him, i have seen so many lives ruined by this **** i even lost a daughter to it a few years back it is so addicting he needs special help but most of all from himself,please protect yourself and your kids and get well away from there to some were he cant find you.because it will kill him eventually and might take you or the kids with him, my thoughts are with you god bless and protect you.
2007-01-01 13:54:57 · answer #7 · answered by bazbikes49 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can not change him. He has to do it for himself an Meth has a 80% relapse rate. It is highly addictive and ruins your health an mind. You can not raise kids with someone like this. He is not himself but just a shell of the man you love. If he wants to stop he has to do it on his own. The kids do not need to be around this. They are unpredictable and unstable.
2007-01-01 13:47:53 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
no. 1 if he violates the restraining order, have him arrested. no.2 dont let him in even if he begs or pleads. no. 3 he needs real help and you are enabling him. meaning; put up with his addiction and make his excuses and he will not get better but could get very abuusive. move once more or get a home security system. do not take his calls at all. notify the police that he is still harrassing you NOW
2007-01-01 13:47:42 · answer #9 · answered by tajura001 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sadly, no amount of love in the world is going to keep this man away from this powerful drug. You already know that staying with him is bad for you and your kids. You need to move on. What this man needs is an inpatient treatment center to get his life back on track, but it is unlikely he will enter one on his own. If you really love him, you should call the police and have him arrested for possession. You have enabled his drug use for too long by always taking him back. He may hate you for it, but it will force him to get the treatment he needs (and it will keep him locked up long enough for you to escape from him). If his treatment is successful, he will thank you for it someday, but that day may be a long time coming.
2007-01-01 13:50:05 · answer #10 · answered by roknrolr63 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋