My husband and I have been together 17 years, married 16. He has never been able to show emotions. He lost his father when he was sixteen. He had a previous marriage that ended in her cheating. All the time we are married he only told me he loved me about 10 times. His idea was to give me money all the time. We were in a serious arguement three years ago that ended in me apoligizing. Everything was excellent for about six months then the detachment came again. In 2004 we were in a car accident, that year he left for 2 days. In 2005 he left for 2 days again. This year right before Christmas. He has been staying in the house with me, but very detached and distance and very quick to temper. I have been crying on and off for 2 days now, not sleeping last night or hardly eating. He is just sitting and not saying nothing. When I ask a question, he says he's not in the mood to answer now. He says he has'nt been happy. I don't know what to do something is wrong.
2007-01-01 13:35:38 · 20 answers · asked by Oscette 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It sounds like your husband is suffering from severe depression. He needs help and possibly medication but you can't force him to seek that help.
A good idea would be to start with some marriage counseling but it may be difficult to convince him to do that. I would get some counseling yourself and go from there. A councilor can help learn how to deal with the situation and give you profession advise regarding you situation and how to help your husband without causing more friction.
2007-01-01 14:03:38 · answer #1 · answered by flappymcp 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some men are simply not demonstrative at all. Your husband might be the type of person who cannot express emotion, or is not in touch with his emotions.
Mid-Life crises is a real thing that men deal with. I'm guessing, but maybe your husband falls in that category.
He could be analyzing where he has been in his career and where he is going. Possibly a striking new secretary at work has got his attention.
If he is quick to temper and detached at other times it might be difficult to get him to open up about what is bothering him, but he must. Has he been to the doctor? Could it be a physiological problem? Maybe it is a psychological issue, regardless, it isn't healthy for him or your relationship for him to be so isolated.
Give him an opportunity to talk. If he says that he doesn't want to now, then ask when it would be a good time to schedule. If he blows you off, then give him an ultimatum,
therapy for him or the both of you....or you are out of there.
Losing his father and former wife are tough, but he is a grown man. Regardless of what is bugging him, after all these years of marriage, he needs to give you a hint as to what is going on so you both can get out of the rut you find yourself in.
Good Luck,
C-F
2007-01-01 13:50:19 · answer #2 · answered by Crispy_Frog 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi, sorry to hear about your situation. Maybe you should get some kind of couselling? Maybe a retreat together to a nice place. Maybe speak to a priest. He seemed like he's having too much emotional problem that maybe he doesn't want you to be a part of it. Maybe you should separate for a while, give him space and enough time to forget things and clear his mind. Talk to him again and see what happen. Don't let yourself down, eat, sleep and take care of yourself...prayers...would be the number answer to all your problems. Good luck and don't lose hope. Pls. try to work on your marriage, 17 yrs. is a lot of years...and I'm sure everything willbe just fine.
2007-01-01 13:44:09 · answer #3 · answered by FlyingHi007 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is telling you that he isn't happy, calmly sit down and say , you said you haven't been happy and I see this but how can help or try to work on this if you won't tell me why. Keep in control no matter how hard it is because if you don't he is going to clam up again. I'm sorry to say but to me it sounds like he may be thinking of a separation. If you can get him to talk suggest a marriage counselor seeing that you have been married a long time.
2007-01-01 13:45:09 · answer #4 · answered by *queenfairy1*Antioch California 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he is tired of the relationship and wants out, and I really feel for you, but the best you can do now is to accept that and do things that will prepare you - getting some reserve money set aside, and tell yourself that you deserve better than to be treated that way!! He in a way is abusing you by his actions so tell yourself that you haven't done anything to deserve this treatment, or even better, if you can afford it, go somewhere for acouple of days and treat yourself well, good restaurants, a sauna perhaps, and let him see that you can play that game also.
2007-01-01 13:41:21 · answer #5 · answered by Al B 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In a case like this since he refuses to talk to you you guys defiantly need to think about some sort of counseling if you want your marriage to work. I mean it sounds like you really have no communication with each other or do very much together. It sounds like each time he leaves you for a few days it's his way of escaping something that is bothering him or maybe dealing with issues. good luck ;o)
2007-01-01 13:40:39 · answer #6 · answered by ? 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Honey, I hate to say this, but if he has been like this for 17 years, it can only mean 1 of 2 things.
He is either suffering from depression or he is just so unhappy, and doesn't want to be the one to end it.
It sounds to me like you deserve better. You have hurt enough.
By all means, Don't Blame Yourself!
2007-01-01 13:41:51 · answer #7 · answered by MES 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say it, but it sounds like your man may have or is cheating on you. You need to sit him down and demand that he tell you what is going on and why.
If he will not sit down with you, then explain to him what is the point of continuing your marriage if there is no affection nor communication going on, tell him that you feel like you're alone all the time and it hurts you not being able to talk to him.
If your man does not respond to any of that, then honey, it's time to throw him the divorce papers.
2007-01-01 13:42:26 · answer #8 · answered by !?! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get marriage counselling a.s.a.p. If he refuses you pretty much have your answer that the marriage is over.
Two of you need to agree on counselling, if just one wants to go you know that both hearts are not into it. And it takes 2 to make a good marriage.
Good luck dear.
2007-01-01 13:47:33 · answer #9 · answered by elanabutcher 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
go on with your daily routines and give him some piece and quiet.you know space.he's trying to vent some things out and he needs some time to himself.
when he's ready to talk he will.apparently he has alot on his mind.
don't completely ignore him,but just give him some space to unwind and think things through.it will also give you some time to do some thinking.if you'll been married for all those years you should know him pretty well.it's a guy thing.
time,space and distance will heal all wounds.if you really love him just remember a little space.time alone.
2007-01-01 13:56:38 · answer #10 · answered by hl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋