Okay, how do you REALLY make friends when you're older?

Question

Alright, I am 23 yrs old, and do not really have any close friendships like I used to have in highschool/beginning of college. I don't have that "best friend" anymore (she moved away), or regular friends that you can just go over to their house when you just want to sit on the couch and hang out. I am married, and a lot of my friends from high school moved away, or we just grew apart. I think I grew apart when I went to an out of town college for a year and a half after high school, came back, and of course nothing was the same as when I left.

I don't want the canned answer of "oh, go to a church group" -- No, I don't think I could be downright gossipy and mean (you know how it is) with someone in a church group, or clubs, classes - I'm not going to be 23 and join a club--this isn't middle school, student council is over. I just need realistic answers on how to create new close friendships.

It almost feels like I am losing my social skills. Does anyone else feel like this?

Ginger - that is good advise, but I do not have any kids. Also, I don't want "work friends" that you smile politely to at cocktail hour at the company's annual holiday party--I want to make the type of friendships I used to have, in highschool....

Answer 1

I know what you mean. Many of my friends have also moved away or gone travelling. I am also 23 with a long term boyfriend. I think the best ways to make new friends are through work-waitressing and bar jobs are normally sociable. You could just work a shift a week or something. Have you thought about doing volunteerwork? I have made sveral friends this way. You could also try joining a drama company or an exercise class. Something like marshal arts requires social interaction. Good luck...I'm sure the social skills will be back in no time.

Answer 2

It really is much harder to make friends as you get older. Sadly, we can no longer rely on school, clubs and other childhood activities to make new friends.

Always be open to accept invitations to parties and other social gatherings (happy hour, cook outs, fundraisers) given to you by coworkers or by your husbands coworkers. That's always a great way to meet new people. It's hard at first to go to these things, not knowing anyone. Just remember to be friendly and open minded.

Ask your husband if he knows of any company parties coming up (even though the holidays have already passed, you never know).

You have your kids to help you too. When you take them to the park, be on the look out for other mothers. Try to strike up a conversation with them and maybe even set up a play date for the kids. After the initial introduction, it should be easy to form bonds with other mothers/wives in your area.

Answer 3

My theory is that when you are younger and more naive - natural friendships come about more easily. To find something similar in adulthood - you have to find adults that will let their guard down. Most of the close friends I have in adulthood I met via group therapy (Adult Children of Alcoholics). I am sure there are other places and I applaud you for raising an issue that most adults would prefer to sweep under the rug. I'm interested in see the other replies you get. You can easily avoid friendships in adulthood and keep preoccupied with work, dating and eventually a spouse and family. True friendships are indeed rare and to be cherished. Good luck!

And I have to laugh - 23 is OLDER??? Hahaha. :-)

Answer 4

It's a waste of time anyways, they will only wind up screwing you over. You will have many acquaintances, but very few friends. Just do your own thing and don't go looking for anything or anyone and eventually you will come across one that's a keeper and you'll know they are special. Enjoy your family, they are the ones that count.

Answer 5

One way is to develop online friends in your area in one of the many rooms online for that. I am in Michigan and my best friends are in Nova Scotia, and Ohio, Canada, California, Brazil to name a few places but with the right web site I could develop frineds in my own area as well online - my our of state friends keep me busy with a newsletter I do, two trivia games we all play and the like.

Answer 6

i`m in the same problem because i left my country 3 years ago and since then i didn`t have a friend , i met too many people but they turn out to be the wrong people .
if you want we can give a try we`ve got nothing to loose.

Answer 7

Ah, heck...I'll be your friend! :)

Is it possible that you could make some friends at work?

Or you could get a webcam and talk your other friends that moved away into getting one and you could see and hear them with IM's.

Anyway...hope that helps at least a little.

Answer 8

That does not worry me. i understand it truly is achievable for adult women and men human beings to be platonic friends and in no way something extra. i understand its achievable for 2 mature adults who've historic previous to be platonic friends and in no way something extra. If in this challenge, i might want to've met the ex a lengthy time period in the past and it is a non challenge in my relationship. you've really been along with your fiance for 2yrs. He change into friends with this female longer than he's favourite you existed. by now, this may've been a pal of both one in each of ours. both you or he opted for no association between you and the ex, and that change into what I see as being the blunders. also, you instructed him that his friendship makes you slightly jealous (which i wish change into not) interior a similar verbal replace as you saying that he might want to be friends with whomever he choses, as a results of the indisputable fact that is a lie and a contradiction. He suggested "no massive deal" to that end of you saying that you've been jealous of her. He in all likelihood felt that his hand change into compelled into saying that and foolishly lied and contradicted himself, very like you probably did. So, to respond to your question.. no it does not worry me for my HUSBAND to stay in contact with an ex, both calling or putting out. Admitting that the ex change into the perfect in mattress ever does not make me indignant if it were real. i might want to imagine it immature to really have this verbal replace alongside a similar vein as me hating to hearken to adult men ask a lady if her ex change into "higher" than he's. Your ex might want to were the perfect ever yet not once did he evaluate her to you. If something, i might want to ask your self what it change into that made her the perfect and that i might want to attempt that and placed my own spin on it. Oh, and so some distance as him calling after he suggested it wasn't a huge deal to not call, does not worry me both fairly if i understand he suggested it really to make me experience extra effective, quite than it to be his decision clearly. even as human beings do issues merely for your sake, many times cases they actually do it once you're literally not round because they did not favor to end contained in the first position. they merely did not experience like scuffling with about it.

Answer 9

Join a nudist resort.

Answer 10

that is a good question, and a tough one. all i can suggest is being proactive with people when/if you go to clubs or evens that you enjoy. well good luck.