I have some questions and need some answers, my confusing husband!!?

Question

My husband left me and our 1yr old daughter 6 weeks ago. We have a long list of problems and the truth is he was never ready to get married nor to have a baby. I've never felt like he's loved me. Anyhow i i told him to leave in the heat of an arguement because he always runs his mouth and i cant take the emotional/psycological/verbal abuse anymore. So he left and rented an apt. 1 week later. I think it was the best thing for the time being but my problem lies here: Everysince he's been gone he still comes and tries to have sex with me, he comes and runs his mouth, takes my car when his is broke, and just pretty much does whatever he wants. He locks his phone while he browses mine and the computer, he hasnt allowed me to see his new apt. which i really dont want to see anyways but the fact that he still trys to run my life but doesnt involve me with anything in his bothers me. Im so confused. He will try to have sex with me but when i ask him to take us to the park he says.....cont.

No, that werent not together anymore, or if i ask him for anything he says were not together anymore. Also his car broke down so he asked if he could use mine to go back and forth to work which actually leaves me stranded but i did it because i do get something from that. But on his days off he uses it to do all his personal things and leaves me stranded here and when i mention it he says that im selfish and starts cussing me. Oh and hes been staying here too. . He says he doesnt want to be with me but yet he always has an excuse to stay here like "his apt isnt ready" or "he needs to use the car" but he gives me no love while he's here its hard for me because i still love him and i feel i cant move on until he's completly out. this si so confusing can anyone shed some light on this situation for me???

I am a victim in this situation.......his is emotional abusive and emotionally abusive so that does make me a victim. And i know what i want....i just dont understand him.

Answer 1

Make up your mind - either he is in your life or out of your life.

You portray yourself as a victim of his bad choices, but clearly you have made several bad ones. Get some help so that you won't exposure your dear daughter to men like him in the future. She will emulate you if you keep showing her crappy men. I know you don't want that for her.

Answer 2

To start with he is an emotional/psychological/verbal abusive, controlling a**. You need to get a restraining order and a good lawyer.
Do not let him in the house, do not let him have the car, do not have sex with him, do not ask him for any favors!!! If he get angry and yells or worse tries to hurt you call the police press charges (for abuse, trespassing, stealing, ect....) Divorce his worthless carcass and get him out of your and your daughters life(if you have police reports of him being abusive or aggressive it will help you get full custody of your daughter). It will be better in the long run.
You may still love him but look and the big picture and how he treats you, do you consider that love on his part? How about when he starts treating you daughter that way? Really do you ever see it getting any better? If you allow him to treat you that way he will keep doing it because you let him.
Rent the movie "Enough" with Jenifer Lopez, and watch it. Your situation may not be quite the same, but there are similarities. Take a stand now, get out, and get on with a better life.

Answer 3

You, honey, can only be a "victim" if you CHOOSE to be a "victim". You want to get away from this guy (which sounds like the wise choice), then go get yourself a lawyer and change your locks. You want to get back with him (which would be stupid, but people do stupid things)? Then see a marriage counselor. You really don't sound like you actually know what you want. You never even mentioned how this is affecting your child...now, this child is a victim because she doesn't have a choice! You do and you have to put her into the equation and put her needs before your own. Oh...I'm sure your man doesn't have an apartment either. You're being used because you choose to be used. Make up your mind and act on it before this progresses to a physical abuse for you or your child. Godloveya.

Answer 4

Well, get more radical. Get a divorce papers... I know you love him, but your child is going to suffer more if you don't solve this. Change locks on doors and don't give him the key. Don't open the door when you don't want to be bothered. You have all the rights to do that.
You don't need to suffer. Nor does your child. And it will, if you are stressed and you put your mind on other stuff. Even little ones can sense that... Your priority is to have a healthy and happy child. To be so, your child need to have a healthy, happy, and strong mother...
I know it's hard for you because you still love him, but you simply can't let him destroy you... He doesn't have the right to treat you like an object. And you don't have an obligation to fulfill your marital duties any more.
he left you alone with child???? What kind of person is that? And he comes around not to see her, to check up on her, but to have sex . Get a grip and do what you have to! Be strong!
I'm telling all this from personal xperience since I am the suffering daughter of a bastar.d. Finally I begged my mother to divorce my "dad", cause he caused nothing but pain and trouble. Now I have problems with trusting my boyfriends, cuz i think all men are like him... Please... Especially because you have a girl... consider hers and your future.
Good luck. And if I can help by offering an opinion of a daughter who survived all that, email me freely. I would be glad to help out, and I mean it sincerely...

Answer 5

Time to change the locks,keep the vehicle locked and get a restraining order on this jerk. He has NO right to come over when he wants,to try to make you have sex with him,or any of the above things you have mentioned. You need to talk to the local law enforcement and get a protection order for you and your child. He has made terroristic threats to you,meaning he has made you feel unsafe with his actions and threats. You need to get something done NOW>..it could get worse. I would NOT let him in the house without someone else there. You can have a law enforcement officer come and tell him to leave the property and leave you and the child alone. Your Daughter does not need to be in the middle of this situation nor does she need to have Daddy do something stupid and then run out the door and the baby be left with a Mother who can NOT do anything to help herself nor the baby. Girl it is time to keep him kicked to the curb and get law enforcement to back you up ALSO ..........GET A LAWYER.........TOMORROW MORNING..........call one or ask to get help from Legal Aide,you can get an emergency Divorce in a case like this also. It would speed things up to make it so you and your Daughter can get on with your lives,which he needs to even get a life. Good luck,praying for you and the little innocent baby girl as well. Happy Prosperous New Year to you.

Answer 6

He is doing all of these things because YOU are letting him. If you want to really know where his heart and head are then cut him off from EVERYTHING!! No more staying over or borrowing your car even if he doesn't have a way to work. Don't let him look through your phone either. Men like to have the upperhand in situation like this. So when he looks through your phone and he sees that you are not trying to find anyone to replace him, then it kinda puts him at ease b\c he thinks your pining over him. So for your sake and your daughters sake, cut him loose so you can see his true intentions. And DONT KEEP HAVING SEX WITH HIM PERIOD!! Your just putting yourself back out there to get hurt b\c you think him having sex with you equal he wants you back. So please take my advice.

Answer 7

He didn't leave you, you told him to leave, right? Well , you made a decision, so stick with it. Sounds like you made a good decision to me. He comes around for sex and you let him get away with it? So it seems the only one inconvenienced by this situation is you. Sorry sweetie you can only be victimized if you allow yourself to be. Change the locks, don't let him in, lock up your computer and your phone when you do let him in. If he wants a car when his is broke tell him to rent one. If you're separated BE separate. You'll feel a whole lot better about yourself if you stand up to him.

Answer 8

YOU NEED TO KICK HIM TO THE CURB FOR GOOD!!!!!
You're allowing your ex to treat you like a piece of garbage and your child is seeing that. Grow a set of balls and tell your ex to give your car keys back, no more sex, go home, ect. Then take your ex to court for support and move on with your life.
Right now your ex knows he can do whatever because you have allowed it, he is going to keep on doing it and when you stop, he will throw a fit and try to win you over again, but you know what, he doesn't love nor respect you.
Your child needs to know how a woman needs to be treated, right now you're showing that a woman can be treated like a whore and the man can get away with it.

Answer 9

your only a victim if you let this continue. he's using you and having his cake too. You need to get some back bone and tell him its over, no more sex no more borrowing the car no more free rides. Plain and simple be tough on this. He is using you and you are allowing it to happen so of course he'll keep coming back if the door is wide open for him.

You can do better this man if he really cared for you would meet you half way all your doing is meeting all his demands .

Answer 10

Well, this is the first time I have ever heard a story that went anything like this. Seems you are screwed. I think you need to take control of the situation. That will probably require that you get yourself together enough to supply your own needs and those of your child somehow so you can get him out of your life completely.
Good luck