Does it ever get any better?

Question

I have had a miscarrage about 2 months ago and the pain just doesnt seem to be getting better. I cry myself to seep every night and ive just not got a social life anymore. I still have my scan picture, i try my hardest not to look at it but its impossible. The pregnancy caused me and my boyfriend to split up and now i feel total alone i cant talk to anyone about how im feeling, i think me bottling it up is making me worse, anyone out there in the same situation?

I cant get rid of my scan i have tried but i cant, i feel as though its the only thing i have left of my baby

Answer 1

You know something? You didn't lose a baby, you lost your child. It is horrible and you need to take the time to cry and think on this loss. Time will help, I can tell you that for sure, but not a one of us on here can give you the comfort you need other than to support you through our words and let you know it is okay to cry, okay to be depressed, okay to keep asking "WHY"? You have suffered a big loss and I am sorry. I know what it is like. You can make it, but don't try to "get over" it. God will help you, that is what I AM sure of. He sees your hurt and He understands more than any of us. Praying for the best for you....Sheri

Answer 2

Having a miscarriage can be a devastating experience. There are social service agencies that can help you through this difficult period of time.

You can also help yourself - you need to understand that the way you feel is truly in your hands. You need to get on with your life - you will never forget this pregancy nor should you but if you can tell me what good it does for you to get depressed and stay in the pain, then maybe you can convince me that what you're doing right now is worth it. Life is a series of events, good and bad. How we react to those events determines the quality of our lives.

And girl, let me give you a bit more advice - don't get pregnant again until you are a married woman. Marriage is all about commitment to each other. When you are married you don't split up over a pregancy or loss of a child. You work together to help each other. Get your act together - get some counseling ASAP.

God bless you!

Answer 3

If you mean that the physical pain isn't getting any better, I'd contact my gyno. If you are talking about emotional pain, as I suspect, I think it would be a real good idea to talk to a psychologist, mental health professional, or psychiatrist. Out of my own preference, I would get a woman counselor. She will be much more able to recognize the feelings you are dealing with. It sounds like you are grieving too, which is natural. I wouldn't let this go on, I'd make the call right away. Good luck.

Answer 4

When I miscarried it was right before the holidays last year and it was truly the worst experience of my life. Nomatter how many people tried to understand, I felt like no one did because I was the one who viewed the baby as a real baby and many other people did not....it was so difficult to express how I felt and I felt lonely and sad...despite having support around me I felt as if I was truly alone. I was also spending a lot of time with a cousin of mine who was getting married because she had accidentally gotten pregnant and she was looking beautifully pregnant and glowing....I was so torn apart and jealous and sad because I wanted those things for myself and because we had been trying for a child. To see someone who had what I once did devastated me.
A miscarriage has stages of grief and mourning, just like if any other person in your life has died. Start by telling yourself that you are allowed to feel that way. The subject of miscarriage has always been taboo, but when you start to talk about your own experiences you find so many other women have gone through the same exact thing and have had the same thoughts and feelings. You are not alone, no matter how alone you feel. With time's passing you will learn to let go alittle, not to forget, but to let it pass without feeling so much sadness and grief.
When you are pregnant again (notice I say when, not if) you will feel fearful at first, and then you will feel a joy unlike anything else. You won't replace who you've lost, but you will be left with a feeling that you are complete.
What helped me the most was finding faith again....I prayed alot and knowing in that respect I was not alone made a big difference in my life. It helped me to grieve and eventually to let go. There is no timeline for letting go, by the way. You do it in your own time.
Please try to find faith and someone who you can talk to...a grief counselor or a therapist or someone who can help you get through this difficult time. I wish you the best of luck and happiness...know in your heart that you will find it again.

Answer 5

Get rid of the scan
Call your ex. I dont care how much you do or dont talk with him, he is a start.
Tell him how you feel, scream down the phone if you need to!
Go to some quiet place for a bit lik the mountains.
Go somewhere that can distract you.
Tell your parents and tell them you need them to be by your side. Tell your friends.
Consult a shrink.
Burn that darn scan already whats taking you so long?
Watch comedies all day and get excercise and go to yoga or some spiritual meeting. I dont care if you are not spiritual it will help to clense your soul.
Get a pet. or like my friend did, stupid approach but here goes anyway, get a fruit and dress it up and pretend its your child. He wen tinsane with this and he pretended like it really was his child and no one was allowed near it and he did all the normal things every day so you can get a doll or something.... get involved in somethings like church or hospital or charity events... it helps having positive and supportive people by your side...

Answer 6

im not going through the same thing, but i know my mom did, and my boyfriends mother lost hers when the baby was 2 months old. Your story made me sad, and i want you to know that now 18 years later my mom is better and i know she still thinks about it, but you can't hold on to that. You should know that it is not your fault and try not to beat yourself up about it. If you have a religion, turn to that. I know for a fact that it helps a lot of people. And please don't be afraid to try again. Yes this happened, but dont let it stop you from having more. As for the boyfriend, if he wasnt mature and man enough to help you deal with this, then he wasnt mature enough to even have one. I feel for you, i really do and i hope everything gets better. Be strong and keep your head up.

Answer 7

ive been there before you will always remember the pregnancy its hard to forget, but aventually you will go on it will slip in and outta your mind as you go on but the loss gets easier day by day, maybe you should talk to someone close to you try getting outta the house for a while i know its hard but you need this so force yourself out!!! And as for the split up he couldnt have cared for you to do you that way my advise everything happens for a reason sometimes its good sometimes its bad but we all learn from it. You will be ok, Good luck

Answer 8

I've been there,and all I can say is that time heals all...I lost by baby at 18 weeks in September, and I still have a hard time, but don't bottle it up find someone you can talk to, either join a support group or a friend that is willing to listen...Good luck to you.

Answer 9

I'm so sorry Lisa. I've never suffered a miscarriage but I can picture your devestation. Please call your local hospital's crisis centre (I'm sure every area has one) and speak to someone who can help you through this. I'm sure that there are also some excellent online forums with women who have gone through the same loss as you. I'm sure it would be helpful to find one of these forums. In the meantime though I'm thinking and praying for you. This too will pass.

Answer 10

My wife had 4 miscarrages before we finally had our son, and yes it does get better. You will always remember, but the hurt will go away. But you need to let go of the past and try to move on with your future. Give the picture to a family member, just till you can cope better. And go get out live your life.