So my husband constantly has to go out after work and weekends every single day or at least 5 times a week! When he IS at home he lays like a lump and practically cries because he is "bored" or says everything is "lame" at home. We have two kids and I work full time and he works part-full time but doesn't hold down jobs. He asks me for more and more money every day for this going out. I am trying to save to get out of this miserable apartment we live in and it just goes to him and his bar "sitting". I am angry because I stay home after work and take care of kids and don't go out cuz i don't want to spend the money so often. HELP! We are arguing to no end. He calls me names now and says he is only happy out at the bar!
2007-01-01 12:22:10 · 30 answers · asked by Samantha 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sounds like my sisters husband- however shortly after this routine happened he told her he wasnt happy and she told him to leave. Did I mention they just had their first child together who was 2 months old at the time. So he left and has seen his daugther 2ce since then- the baby is now 9 months old.
Kick the asshole out- he sounds like a leech. If you and he are that unhappy and are fighting and he is name calling I am sure the children are not happy either.
You sound like you are a responsible mother- please also take what this is doing to the children also. He is not being a good role model for the children.
2007-01-01 12:28:09 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you were in the room, he wasn't watching porn -- at least not for the intended purpose. So maybe (and I'm giving him a big benefit of the doubt here) he didn't consider it "watching porn" because he was looking at something a co-worker suggested he watch. Like that whole 2 Girls 1 Cup nonsense. Or he got to the website and didn't actually view a video. Porn is not about "I'd rather have this than the real thing." It's just a fascination, a curiosity that is inherent. Why do women obsess about shoes? Why are women so jealous over the stupidest things? Why do women feel the need to talk about everything? It's just stuff we're born with. I think your issue is not the porn but the really stupid lying he did. I will tell you that he has lied to you before, without a doubt. It was something trivial and pointless, but he lied. We all do. "You look great in that dress." "Yes, I can't wait to go out with your friends." It happens. Yes, honesty is important. And you two have some work to do on your marriage because this affected you so much. Consider counseling for that. But in the grand scheme of things, it could have been much, much worse. I think in time it will fade -- or you will end up divorced.
2016-05-23 04:29:08 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's no easy answer for this, but you've gotta think about what's best for the kids. I've been through this myself. First thing I did was stop giving him money to drink. Then when that didn't work (he always had a friend stopping by with beer or money to buy it) I gave him an ultimatum and we ended up separating. Then when he went into treatment, I moved back in and things were okay for a while, but it didn't last long and he ended up drinking again. You're going to have to decide what to do on your own, but a good start is to set boundaries and stand your ground.
Just remember, it's very hard to be a single parent, but not as hard as feeling like a single parent while you're in a two-parent household. You have every right to be upset.
2007-01-01 13:31:24 · answer #3 · answered by emerald_angel_queen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, a lot of husbands do not do that. The responsible husbands spend time with their kids and wife. He should get a full-time job or stay home to spend time with the kids while you work. Otherwise, you should kick him out. That will be hard for you, but your kids come first. I know someone who was in that situation with two little kids. She chose to divorce him. She is now happy with her second husband and they have a child together too. The five of them are happy together and the husband does not go out as he likes to spend time with all the kids and his wife. Good luck.
2007-01-01 13:40:06 · answer #4 · answered by raindrop 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok....tell him how you feel. Ask him what his problem is....depression, not being happy at home, possibly someone at the bar taking his interest ( some bartenders are hoochies)
From experience...my husband was depressed, and had a crush on a bartender at one of the bars he goes to to deal poker for . You can lay off him ( no arguing, no acknowledegment, basically ignore him and get your own life), hell come around. OR
after 2 months of doing above, put his shi@ on the front porch and look at it this way......if hes still yours he will come back to you ( if hes smart the next day....mine did), if not, then give it a little time to sink in on him. If he is gung ho on you letting him go....well then he wanted out and didnt want to be the bad guy.
Word of advice...if he does wake up and come back home, make it a point to go out with him every once in a while.....a date night! It works wonders....show him that you are still that same woman he married.....not just a wife and mother....have fun!!!
2007-01-01 13:06:41 · answer #5 · answered by sifford844 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Change the locks and call the law to let him know not to come home from the bar. Give him no money he can get it on his own from a job. File for seperation and child suport. Let your family and friends know you need help in making sure the kids dead beat dad stay away. Find a real man that will stand up for you and want to spend time with you.
2007-01-01 13:42:22 · answer #6 · answered by ronnny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say he is only happy at the bar, then maybe he should just stay there, I think you should kick him to the curve, you have already tried talking to him to no avail. I am so sorry for you, but I think your life would be a lot better without him. He is not taking responsibility for you or his family, do not bother to give him an ultimatum it will not work just leave him, actually kick him out of the apartment you pay the rent for...
2007-01-01 12:32:13 · answer #7 · answered by Thomas 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is not acting like a father or husband he acts more like an immature boy, he calls u names because he simply doesn't want to be there with u. he is spending marital as setts out in the bar, he is bored with home life, sure u are resentful and rightly so. he isn't acting like a man, and he is very selfish indeed. actually he is holding u back from having a better life by not contributing or helping out. looks to me as if he is not happy being who he is, and when my ex began the name calling thing, learned later on that he had had a girlfriend for some time, and just didn't want to be with me. if he is only happy out in the bar, than he doesn't want to be in the role of father and hubby, maybe u need to separate from him, set some boundaries, give a few ultimatums, and if he leaves and abandons u, so be it, he did u a favor than. u are trying to make a life for your family, his interests lie in the bar, as a man follows the desires of his heart.
2007-01-01 12:32:06 · answer #8 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No not all husbands do this and decent ones wouldn't even think of it. Get yourself a Lawyer ASAP and kick his sorry butt to the curb. This is NOT a good example for your children to see. Sounds like his "bar sitting" is getting more expensive and am sure the "girls" at the bar are glad to see him too. I would put my children FIRST as well as putting yourself with higher standards as well. It is now a new year,make this one HAPPY AND PROSPEROUS kick him out and you will be much happier. Since he is so happy at the bar,pack his butt up and drop and his "possessions" off in front of it then get back to the Apt and get the locks changed.
2007-01-01 12:57:36 · answer #9 · answered by grbarnaba 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO. Adult and responsible husbands, MEN do NOT do this. I suggest that one of you grow a spine. Preferably him since you are trying to hold your family together, but if not him than you may need to get tougher and give him an ultimadum - grow up or get out. Then he can sit at the bar 24/7 while you find a real man who wants a real woman.
2007-01-01 12:29:34 · answer #10 · answered by outdone 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋