Was I wrong for not telling my best friend that I was bisexual and had a crush on her for 6 years?

Question

We had been best friends for 8 years. I always bought her gifts and stuff, shared what ever I had, etc. After 2 years of friendship, I started to really love her. For the first 2 years, I only viewed her as being a friend, but suddenly it changed. I started being there through her relationships with guys who screwed her and I got angrier than she did when they hurt her in some way or form and jealous at the guys. I told a couple of her boyfriends off, because at the time I just felt like one had cheated on her and did not deserve her and the other disrespectfully would look at her friends butts as they passed him. Basically what happened is one night I got drunk and started telling people that I was bi at a bar and she found out. I came clean about being bi. She wanted to know whether I had a crush on her. I kept saying no, even though, I did, fearing what she would think. Anyway, she decided that I did have a crush on her and did not want to have anything to do with me ever.

Also, to add. She said that I should have told her that I was bisexual. I kept telling her how hard it was to do so. I have never been with a woman before, etc and I did not know how she would react. But she started putting the past pieces together, how I did not get along with her boyfriends, gifts, and decided that I was bisexual then and all the time I had a crush on her.

I still denied that I had a crush on my best friend, even after my best friend came to the conclusion that I had a crush on her. She still has not heard the truth from me yet.

Answer 1

I dont think you did anything wrong. It sounds like you were trying to preserve a friendship. We all get crushes and sometimes they happen to be on friends that are straight. If I were you, I probably would have denied it to. At this point I would talk to her about how this will impact your friendship, since she knows (if I read your additional comment right). Make sure she knws that you weren't hiding the truth in an attempt to betray her, but that you felt it was the best choice because you didn't want to lose a good friend. On an aside, its good that she confronted you because that means that she is willing to at least address the situation. I would give your friend credit for that.

Answer 2

Were you wrong for not telling her? Yes. Is she justified in feeling hurt and betrayed? Yes. Is she over-reacting and being a ***** now that the news has come out? Yes.

You know your friend better than us, though, so I can't really recommend how to try to salvage the friendship. You would know better than most people if you should give her time to cool down before you try talking to her again, or if you should try to force the issue.

If you can't salvage the relationship, then I suggest that you learn from the mistake and tell future friends (once you know that you can trust them...). After all, friendships, just like romance, is built on trust.

Best of luck, and I hope you can convince her to give you a second chance.

Answer 3

i'm sorry about that. I know how much that must suck right now. I would sit her down now that she knows about you. tell her the reason you didn't tell her at first was because you weren't even sure yourself and that how can you share something with her if you didn't know. Tell her that you were afraid that she would drop you as a friend and your friendship means so much to you. The gifts in the past were just your way of saying that you care. That is just your way of showing your emotions. Some people share their feelings through words or doing things for others, yours is through giving gifts. Be honest with her now. Say listen, for the first 2 years of our friendship I only thought of you as a friend but out of no where these feelings arose that i couldn't explain. I tried to deny them but they wouldn't go away and the scariest thought was to be rejected by the person I most care about for feelings I didn't ask for or control. You pretty much get the idea.
but I hear ya. I'm almost in the same boat only my friend doesn't know I'm attracted to her. Good luck.

Answer 4

There is nothing wrong about caring for a friend, however, once you cross the line (Bi) you will aways have regrets and sin to contend with. Start hanging with the boys or find a good boy to hang with because everybody is sexually charged and always being around woman and having sexual feelings can lead you astray. Who knows maybe you will find a man and he might have a friend to introduce to your friend.

The environment you choose will always influence your behavior, always strive to acknowledge that there is bad environments to be in (Bar Scene) and try to avoid them and look for good things in your life and go after them.

Rick
http://www.quotessummercastles.blogspot.com

Answer 5

Any relationship is founded on trust (even friendship). You broke that trust by not being honest with your best friend. Were you wrong? Yes I think you were. It would've been better had you told her when you noticed your feelings had grown for her beyond friendship. She would've had a chance to respond - probably to push you away from best friend status - but you might have won through by keeping her respect for being honest.

Answer 6

If she doesn't want anything to do with you b/c you had a crush on her then you can't really consider that a real friend. But on the other hand maybe you should try talking to her and explain to her that accepting your sexuality has been difficult enough for you without having to deal with other people accepting it too.

Answer 7

85% that made me laugh. Make out with him and see if he gets excited. Tell him that you like someone. Then he will think you are not interested.

Answer 8

It sounds like either she's having a problem with either your sexuality or the dishonesty.

Answer 9

It sounds to me like she wants to play chase with you.

Answer 10

then she was never your best friend.