I had lunch with one of my favorite friends today. She is getting on in years, and both She and her husband are quite wealthy. Her home is exquisite and is in the best neighborhood in San Francisco. Hers is an old family, and her brothers and sisters live extravagantly. Although she is wealthy, dresses extremely well and is a gracious hostess, hers is not what I would call an extravagant life. She could do anything She wishes and never worry about its cost. She confided in me recently that the reason she is fiscally conservative is that she wants to set the right example for her 4 children, all of whom currently live very middle class lifestyles. When She dies, they would come into such a fortune that each of them would be quite wealthy. She told me she has no intentions of leaving them a dime because it would ruin their lives. She intends to leave it all to the church . I know that her children could use this money, but I don't know if I should urge her to reconsider. Should I?
2007-01-01 11:34:53 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Her children are all in their 30's and 40's and 3 of them are married with kids. None of them own their own homes. One of them doesn't even own a car and has lost job opportunities because he could not afford one. As I said, they seem very middle class. My friend says that in her experience money destroys people, and she doesn't want to ruin Her children's lives. I think it's a horrible position. I'll admit that I come from a privileged background and can't imagine how horrible life would be without money in the bank. If I had children I would leave them everything. As it is, when I die I imagine that I will leave it all to a museum, or maybe the Symphony. Somewhere where everyone can enjoy my good fortune. I think she's being mean. She's absolutely loaded and should help them. I feel just awful about what she told me.
2007-01-01 15:45:49 · update #1
It really is none of your business but I do know how we busy bodies are. We just don't have enough of our own business to take care of. Have you got your affairs in order ? They are your decisions. Right ? My Husband and I have a Living Trust with all 4 of our children getting equal amounts when we are gone. After the oldest son whom I always considered my rock and we made him the executor, sat in on a discussion and our worth was mentioned., That son changed to the point that he is no longer my rock. What I have found out has changed the image of the son I thought he was. We are now thinking of doing as your friend is .Perhaps she knows her children better then you do.!! Money is the root of all evil and when it comes to easy, it ruins the receiver. She is a smart woman. I wish I could tell her to her face. If we don't do as she, then we will give each a set amount and the rest to Our Wonderful Church of which we are active members.
Please share this letter with your friend. God Bless Her !!!!
2007-01-01 13:13:50 · answer #1 · answered by Jill ❤'s U.S.A 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a new one....hmmm....Seems as if they have done o.k. so far without her help. Agreed, it is a tough lesson, and I can understand her not wanting to just give them the easy way out if they are irresponsible, etc. and are just waiting for her to kick off to get her bucks. If this is not the case. I think she is being selfish. I would give at least SOME to my kids and the rest to the church. Although, to answer your question, It is HER decision. You may question to find out if the above aforementioned is the case, but I wouldn't try to change her mind. She may resent you for it. I wonder if her kids are aware of her decision. Maybe their Aunts or Uncles will leave them something when they go if she doesn't. . She COULD set up a trust fund for the kids. That way, they wouldn't have access to all of the bucks at once. Nothing wrong with helping them out a little. If they have learned anything from her they won't squander it away. She obviously still has doubts about their abilities in money matters.
2007-01-01 11:56:25 · answer #2 · answered by Deb 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you can let her know your opinions and point of view and what you think about it. I think she should leave at least something to her children so that they are taken care of when she leaves. What's the reason for her saying that it would ruin their lives if she leave them a dime? If her children are people who don't know how to manage their money or take care of it or can squander it away, then maybe there is cause for worry. But if their children aren't like that, and can make use of the money, then maybe she should reconsider and think about their well-being too....
2007-01-01 14:20:52 · answer #3 · answered by Raines 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sure she has her reasons for not leaving her money to her children, but money should not be the only issue here. If she leaves her children nothing well that is fine but she must realise that doing that is like wiping your children and what they mean to you, as if they don't desire to be considered after she dies. That is very painful for all the people involved. She really needs to leave each of her children something that is special to them just to let them know that she did love them.
2007-01-01 12:03:51 · answer #4 · answered by Lock 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Her money.... Her children....Her life....Her decision! It's none of your business, so NO, don't say anything to her about reconsidering.
2007-01-01 11:39:36 · answer #5 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Mind your own business.
2007-01-01 13:23:19 · answer #6 · answered by DanandAnnie K 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the decision rests on her, though it may not be very wise of her.
2007-01-01 11:57:31 · answer #7 · answered by Mayonaise 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋