Would you keep your pregnancy a secret from your husband?

Question

One healthy son. 2 miscarraiges - back to back last year that devastated husband and sent him into a depression. At first he said no more kids. Now he's opening up to the possibility of trying again. But if another miscarraige occurs, there is no telling how he will react. Should a pregnancy be kidden from him for as long as possible? Or should he be told immediately?

Answer 1

I have been married twice. I miscarried during my first divorce and it devastated both of us. Now with my husband I have lost two. I kept both a secret, it can be painful but I couldn't justify making him sad too. We are working on it again and I am going to keep it a secret for at least three months, till I get over the first trimester at least. I just don't think men can handle pain like we can. Think of how happy he will be when it does happen. That's more important. I know that having a miscarriage is sad and some people need to share it with someone else to get over it, but after you have had a few it gets easier to deal with it alone. Nothing is gained from telling anyone immediately, you already know that!

Answer 2

You can easily hide a pregnancy until about 5 months, which is in the free and clear as far as miscarriages go. It's kind of underhanded, but considering he may go into a depression the minute he finds out you're pregnant just out of fear that another miscarriage could happen at any time, it might be more humane not to tell him until the baby has secured itself. Otherwise, his worry and tension could put you under enough stress to actually bring a miscarriage on. The only thing is you'll have to come up with a good reason as to why you're so tired, and need to have non-stop bedrest, which you'll have to if you want to prevent a miscarriage.

Answer 3

That depends how he will react when the baby is healthy and you tell him that you were holding out on him.
If he will understand your reasons and be happy that your were trying to protect him, then maybe you could hold off a bit.
HOWEVER, you are not telling him and he would eventually find out if the news is good, so will he then lose his trust in you and be upset? Will your good intentions be taken the wrong way and turn a joyous occasion into a serious fight?
I can't answer that. It's a personal thing.

Answer 4

I would hold out.. for sure. It's controversial and there will be some people on here that will tell you you're evil for even considering it, but it's actually considerate. Tell him when you're sure it will survive. I don't know when your other two pregnancies failed but if it was early in the pregnancy, it wouldn't be too hard to keep it a secret for a little while. Do you think he would get mad though when he finds out you kept it from him? If so, it is a bad idea. Also, you never mentioned whether or not it was hard on you. If it was, then don't you think you should tell him and be in on it together? If you don't tell him, and there is another miscarriage, you will not be able to go to him for support.

Answer 5

I have experienced depression and I always feel worse when someone tries to withhold information from me to "protect" me.
If he is open to trying again, you are in it together, and I think he should be informed of any all developments. At the same time, you should have a third party available to you (a family member, therapist, or both) for emotional support in case there is a problem and your husband becomes depressed again, especially given the fact that you have a child to care for.

Just my opinion. Good luck to you both.

Answer 6

No, I think you should be honest and open with your husband. You are a team. He really should be the second person to know (after you) immediately. If you are keeping any sort of secret -- despite how you may try -- it will come out in subtle ways (you may act different.) ...and it may be interpreted wrong (like you are cheating on him, or something.) I really feel strongly that he has a right to know (despite the past.)

Answer 7

I would say to never hold secrets from your husband. Is he wanting more kids? Or is it you who wants more kids? Because if one is in agreement to having kids and the other one isn't, then that should answer your question.

You already have one healthy son. Your husband has to be okay with the next one. Don't always expect the worse to happen, expect the good to happen. (smile)

Answer 8

if a miscarriage occured, would be learn about it? If he would find out anyway then you might as well tell him...if another miscarriage occured and he wouldn't know about it, then perhaps for his emotional health it would be best to hold out on the news a while and see if this pregnancy appears it will go to term...

Answer 9

You should not hide it from your husband, You have to tell him, regardless of how he deals with it. Talk to him tell him the truth in nice way and how you are caring and also the precautions which will be needed to be taken during pregnancy. Visit a doctor with him and let the doctor explain the right directions and precaution to be taken during this pregnancy. Best of luck.

Answer 10

you could surely conceal a being pregnant until approximately 5 months, it is interior the loose and clean so a techniques as miscarriages bypass. it is style of underhanded, yet thinking he might bypass right into a melancholy the minute he unearths out you're pregnant merely out of shock that yet another miscarriage might desire to ensue at any time, it would desire to be extra humane to no longer tell him until the toddler has secured itself. in any different case, his difficulty and tension might desire to place you under sufficient tension to certainly convey a miscarriage on. the only subject is you will might want back up with a good reason as to why you're so drained, and can desire to have non-quit bedrest, which you will might desire to in case you want to circumvent a miscarriage.