Im a scared guy?

Question

Im scared I will never fullfill my dreams and its really getting me down how can I stop myself from being so gloomy when I have so much I wish to do in my life

cut a long story short

my parents brought me up well and everyone sees me as the sensible son that I am and that I am clever because I have an old head on young shoulders but im scared im too boring and not wild enough for my age (im 20)

im very old school for my age and moral, I have an oppinion on everything, I wont always tell you but inside me my moralistic nature comes to the fore and I have my views and I am very stuck in my ways when it comes to my views.

but because I was brought up in this effective bubble with my parents not letting me out a lot now I want to go out and I do (not everynight but now and then) I dont know what to do with myself. All the guys I go out with all seem more relaxed and content where as me im ok but not as open as I could be I always have my guard up at everything and it bugs me

like at clubs i want to dance close to a woman to flirt and have fun but inside me I think to myself that its wrong and that its like i am using her as an object when I believe that is wrong as there is more to women than sexy curves so im sort of half hearted and look a burke and all I want to do is have fun but dont.

In life in general I have a view point that is seemingly way beyond my years. E.G. I really believe that Aus. etc and all the emerging markets in the world are where people should be in 20 - 30 yrs time because I believe that Europe is going belly up and will be dependant on others rather than currently supplying others. but no-one seems to agree with me and think im nuts, but i believe this.
My uncle is a failure in relationships and part of me sees that I am slightly like him and it scares me that I will be like him (nearly 60) and still single

how can I stop being scared and just let myself go and follow my dreams with out everything in life irritating me?

Answer 1

You sound like a really great guy. I think that what you are really afraid of is the belief that you aren't good enough. That should never stop you from pursuing your dreams. Don't worry about how you feel when you go out and party, maybe that just isnt the type of person you are and that is okay. I also think there aren't enough people today who have things like opinion and morale. Those are great qualities to have. Being oldschool is no problem either. You could use that to your advantage, it makes you different and a good person. Good luck, Never let anything stand in the way of your dreams.

Answer 2

If it's any consolation, I know exactly how you feel and many of your feelings mirror my own. All of these types of thoughts have caused me to be depressed for a long time now, but I am gradually getting a little better by challenging my thoughts whenever I feel negatively about myself.

It's really scary trying to predict the future for ourselves, and trying to imagine where we will be in 10, 20, 30 years time. As hard as it may be to accept this, what you must remember is that NO ONE can be certain of what is going to happen in the future. We have no control over future events, and that can be a terrifying concept. Try to stop obsessing over your future like this - focus on the day ahead, not 10 years ahead, and you'll hopefully start to become more relaxed.

As for your insecurities about your personality, I can again totally relate to that! I'm 17 and, like you, everyone sees me as the mature one in the family, the sensible one, the quiet one... I know how difficult it is to break out of that mould. You probably feel like everyone is watching you, and condemning you for acting differently once in a while. Why should you not have a bit of fun sometimes, though? Why should you stay inside the shell that has been made for you, just to please others? It's time to do what is best for you.

That said, you don't have to completely change your personality to go out and enjoy yourself. Everyone is different - some (but definitely not all) other 20-year-olds are outgoing, while you're shy and mature, and that's OK. Let's face it, who wants to be stuck in a room with a bunch of immature people who talk about total rubbish for the entire night? I think you would benefit from finding other like-minded people of your age to have interesting conversations with - you've got opinions you want to express, and lots of people out there will be interested to hear them. Maybe you could join some groups related to your hobbies and interests, or apply for college/university if you aren't already there? You will meet loads of new people, and some of them are bound to have the same interests and attitudes as you do.

Like I said, try not to get too worried about what life has in store for you. Focus on the here and now, and what you can do to make your life better at this moment in time. Good luck. :o)

Answer 3

Go travelling. it's a great way to gain life experience. You will do things that will surprise you, things you wouldn't have thought possible at home.

Also when you are travelling, you meet people with similar opinions, as they tend to be the ones to get off their backsides and do, rather than getting info from the tv all the time.

Don't worry about finding your place, you have plenty of time. Many people spend their lives looking for answers when in fact they are not sure of the questions in the first place.

Lastly, try not to judge others. they might have a different outlook and different values, but that shouldn't make them bad people.

Live life, have fun - this is not a rehearsal

Answer 4

It isn't easy sticking to your moral fiber. You probably feel as though you were sheltered-- as if TOO MANY choices were made for you. Now that you have space, you're a bit lost, huh? Don't go off the deep end, though you are tempted to try all the "forbidden" things. You will feel worse for having done it. And then there's getting out of a predicament if something negative becomes a habit.

I suggest making choices now that you can. Even as many as you can. It isn't easy, but don't be indecisive. If you feel like coffee with creamer, don't question it. Remember, you don't have to analyze everything. The more choices you make-- especially good ones, will propel you further in the right direction.

Surround yourself with people that share your values. Very important. They will influence you in positive ways.

I think everything will turn out just fine, with a little time and a little practice. Hang in there.

Answer 5

If you're looking for an honest answer, here comes one right down the barrel: Consider joining a branch of the military. I went into the Army when I was 17, and the experience did wonders for my self-esteem, my pride in self and country and allowed me to be a part of something outside my self.

Granted, in a time of war, you may be reluctant to go in, but consider the U.S. Coast Guard or even the Navy...both very good places to see the world and have new and enlightening experiences. And these two services are probably the least likely to put you in actual harm's way (especially the USCG).

As a veteran another very large advantage I've enjoyed (other than the GI Bill and VA Benefits!) is the comraderie and the sense of brotherhood in each of us. You can meet a total stranger, and if he or she is wearing something or distinguishing themselves as a veteran (hat, pin, unit patch, etc) you are immediately a part of the club, a brother-in-arms, and no longer a stranger, but a friend. This may be hard to describe to someone who has never served, but the feelings and sentiments are absolutely real.

I would consider my suggestion very carefully if I were you. The military is not for everyone, but it's where everyone grows up! Good luck in your life search!

Answer 6

I'm 24 never had a gf and I'm a guy... At least you've had experience. I'm pretty shy and have no Freinds as girls So chances of me finding anyone is 0. I feel I'll be alone too oh well

Answer 7

Similar background - doing the right thing is not always easy. Having your own views, morals and beliefs defines you.

Once you let those go completely - you feel pretty lost. Have fun - but it's a careful balancing act.

Anyway - there is more to life than drink/drugs and the accompanying stories.

I don't want to post details on here - but message me if this is something you want to discuss

Answer 8

You do sound like a great guy & do what makes you happy. Do sth to benefit society, be of service to people, at the end of the day, isn't our goal in life to be good human beings? I have seen people who are rich,successful who have made it but nobody likes them & they have done nothing to help others, to serve society; what's the point of that? try reading some inspiring books on the lives of people you respect & learn from them. For example, Ghandi, Mother Thersa.
I was too over protected & I know exactly what you mean, I'm different to most people, I can't be wild like them but that's me. Fidn the middle ground, where you can be yourself, you don't have to be like others, you're unique. Accept yourself as you are.

Answer 9

One thing we all must remember is that we cant all be the same there must be of everything in this world, and the sooner you except who you are and what you stand for the sooner the people around you will recognise you and be confidant always and in good time you will see you will enjoy yourself I'm 25 and i started to party this year- and it feels good don't hurry yourself so you are a late bloomer what that is concerned- but good in AL other things , nobody is perfect

Answer 10

well I think there is nothing strange about you, get some hobbies and start to socialise more, make new friends and try and develop new interests, your only 20...plenty time to decide what you want to do with your life, try different and new things to see what you like doing, everyone has an opinion on things but you have to learn how to express yourself, who tells you that you are gloomy...I think you have low self esteem and your talking yourself out of your capabilities, start thinking positively, stop putting yourself down and its good that you have morals, those are the foundations for your decisions in life, but spread your wings and get out in the big world !! good luck : )))

by the way...maybe you should think about getting your own flat if you dont have 1 already, shake off those maternal ties for a while ? feel free to chat if you want to !