My husband of three months has cheated on me and im three months pregnant?

Question

I was with my boyfriend for two years, he cheated on me, we split up for two months, got back together, eloped, got married and now I am 3 months pregnant. Three days before Christmas I found him in a nightclub, trying it on with other women. I confronted him and he went missing. I later found him outside kissing a girl from his work. I have no idea why I married him after he cheated on me the first time and was gutted when I discovered that I was pregnant, I thought I could make a go of it but now I don't want to and I don't think he will ever change and I don't want to have the baby. I feel really bad about having an abortion but I am not in the right situation now. I am only 21 and am at university. Is it better that I get divorced and have an abortion and end all contact with him? He has caused me so much pain in my life already, and I'm still young enough to sort my life out. I'm dreading being on my own and feeling guilty but the alternative is gonna be even harder.

Answer 1

Once a cheater, always a cheater. It's going to be hard, but dump him and move on.

Answer 2

First yes leave him get a divorce. No one needs a cheater. Once a cheater always a cheater. You will be smarter next time around. Learn from your mistake. Second. Talk to someone like a Chaplin, good friend, mother. About the baby. Make sure this is what you want to do. This is something that will hunt you the rest of your life. You can't ever go back and change it. There is always adoption if you can't do the abortion. There are really great people out there that can't have kids. I under stand you want to cut all ties with him. But make sure your not rushing into the idea of abortion. Make sure your mind and heart are in the right place when you decide.

Answer 3

Truly, I am sorry for your little situation. Does your husband know you are pregnant? You really didn't mention any family support in your question also. How does your family feel about this, and his as well?
If you see no kind of help there and there's no other alternative, then abortion could possibly be the best answer only if you feel emotionally strong enough to go through with it. No one has the right to judge you on it except your Maker. If you don't think you are strong enough for that, then consider adoption. You can give your child up for adoption these days and pick who you want to adopt. You can also do adoption where you are allowed visitation with your child. Sometimes that works out well. But if you are planning to leave him, I really don't think you should try raising the child on your own, and it doesn't sound like you have the heart to do that. What you should do right away is seek some counseling. You can contact any planned parenthood who can help direct you to one. Sometimes even for free.
I surely hope you make the right decision for all involved. And please, save yourself the terrible heartache you will go through if you stay in this marriage. In my observation, your husband is too young emotionally to be serious about marriage with anyone. Not just you. Abuse would only be the next step he would take in his dominant role he seems to enjoy playing with you. Trust me, I know all about it. Don't let him rob you anymore of your self-worth and esteem. You are young and have many years to find who the right man is for you. Good luck and God bless

Answer 4

First of all, you already knew what kind of person he was in the very beginning when you were both dating. That should have been a red flag for you. There was no trust whatsoever in the very beginning. Now you are married, still with someone who is still cheating on you and now pregnant. This should tell you, that he is not ready to be a 'man', husband, or father with responsibilities. It is obvious that he doesn't care for you or the child.

One thing to know, you cannot change a person, he has to want to change himself. He has not made an effort to show you that he can be trusted, he is still doing what he did when you were dating. Plus, someone who tells you that he loves you, but does this to you....that is not love, that is being immature.

If you are now thinking that having a child is the wrong thing to do and you are considering aborting the child due to the fact of your situation, that would only put guilt on your end. I would recommend that you should give up the child for adoption instead. It is not the child's fault that this has happened with your marriage, so this child has the right to live, don't you think so?

It seems to me that you both need more maturing to do to even be a father or mother to a child. You should consider on moving with your parents, divorce this person, (unless he is willing to change and seek counseling to save this marriage for the sake of his child), and then putting the child up for adoption. At least your parents will be there to help you. While living with your parents, things might change with your decisions, and you might also change your mind and find a job instead and raise your child with the help of your parents. Something to think about.

Please, please don't abort this child for the mistakes that "you both" have made, this child has the right to live. At least let another couple raise the child, it would be a blessing for them too. (smile)

Do make the right choices, and do the right thing. You are right, you are still young.

Answer 5

You should have thought about him cheating before you got married and concieved a child with him. Now, you're thinking about ending an innocent child's life because it's father is a low life scumbag.

If you have the baby, you wont be alone. It was conceived in what I would hope to be love and will be loved even if you give it up for adoption. At least the baby would still be able to live a full life and you wont feel guilty.

You should definately end all contact with him. He's scum and he'll always be scum.

Please think about the baby you're carrying though. Dont you want to give them a chance at life? There are plenty of people who would love to adopt a baby. Plus, when you see the baby when it's born (this is if you dont get the abortion) you might change your mind and want to keep it.

There also another option. An open adoption, where you can see the baby and still be part of its life.

Talk this over with your family before making what could the biggest mistake of your life.

Some people who have abortions can never have another child. Think about that.

Answer 6

I know this guy whose wife cheated on him several times, the last one even after their kid turned 1. He said, never again! Showed up at his friend's doorstep with a suitcase and asking if he could stay over. Quit drinking and started drinking right there, quit smoking and smoked a whole pack right there. Then he realised he forgot to pack a toothbrush. Two weeks later, after loooong long talks and a vacation, I swear, they were the most romantic couple I have ever seen kiss at New Year's eve as the clock struck 12. After the first long kiss they just gazed into each other's eyes, stroking their hair, whispering, kissing in between, eyes half closed and yet intense. You just knew that although the world had exploded into the noise of the fireworks cheering crowds the two had found a quiet place where no one else existed but them and their child, and time stood absolutely still. "Anything is possible," I figured, but I could only stare in envy because I knew I could never love nor be loved that much in my life. And yes, he's quit smoking again, that day after he started again. I guess you are the only one who knows who you are, and who your husband is, and what your relationship means to both of you, and if you will both be capable of working through this and making it work. I'm not saying this will not happen again, but only you can say if you'll be willing to face the risk, or if it's all worth it for you. Of course sexual infidelity is a big reason for terminating the relationship, and is in fact a reason many couples have used to break up, but I guess my point is that there are a myriad of other problems that couples will and do go through that might even be more difficult, but which couples are able to work out somehow. Check if there are other factors at play (besides too much alcohol for instance!), real factors within your relationship that might signal the end. Each couple is different as every person is, and relationships are based on different things at different points, different stages of it. If you're torn about decisions this probably means there are still reasons for you to stay. It's not as if you can't make a decision again months or years from now. Also, I pressume you're at a very emotional state right now and that just makes this the worst time to make major life decisions that affect not only you and your parter, but innevitably your child too. Take care.

Answer 7

We all make mistakes, especially when we are young - and you have made a pretty bad one. I am a little puzzled as to how you had managed to struggle through the first two years without noticing this behaviour in him. You say he cheated on you before you married yet if anything it seems only to have hastened the wedding. Perhaps you should ask youself why you are putting yourself through this - are you trying to prove your worthlessness or in some way pumish yourself for something? Not only did you get married in haste, you became pregnant immediately and now the reality is beginning to set in: this guy is not good, he sounds too immature to be married with a child and you will never be able to rely on him for support.

You must think very carefully about all your options before deciding anything. You are young, in the middle of a uni course and may well be on your own with this child.
No one can advise you what to do as that is a matter for your own conscience but please talk to a university counsellor as you should not go through this alone. Don't worry, they are well used to this situation and will not judge or condemn you. I wish you all the best.

Answer 8

You could keep the child and get rid of the cheater. You could also decide to give the child up for adoption. There are so many couples that want children, are ready for children, and could give a great life to that child. I know people that have had abortions, and I know people that have had children before they were ready. However, I have never known someone in your particular predicament. Figure out if you can find other support systems (family/friends) to help you with your choice. I would not ask the guy what he thinks because he is obviously not responsible enough to you, so how could you count on him to be responsible when it is you AND a baby? Good luck. I'm sorry to hear about your situation.

Answer 9

get an abortion and cut all ties with him. You clearly do not want to be pregnant, and your circumstances are going to be significantly changed in a bad way if you bring this baby into the world. Your education will take a backseat as well as any plans you have for your life. I`m sorry, it`s a hard knock life, and there`s no sense making it even more difficult for yourself. Wait until you meet a nice guy, and settle with him then start your family. Sounds to me like you know what to do already, but are just unsure. Follow your gut. Pay attention. If you are afraid then you must have your reasons. Good luck. I hope everything works out in your favor.

Answer 10

Talk to your husband. Ask him clearly why he is behaving in such a way when he is going to be a father. He has married you and has taken the social responsibility. It is true that he has cheated you but he may be in search of something which he is not getting. Do not take any decision hastily. Calm yourself try to analyze the situation , all the pros and coins of the future actions and its effects. Take the help of your friend or the counselor. If the situation does not improve then You have 2 options,either get an abortion and rid of him,and have your life how you want it.

Or rely on benefits and be a single mum

Being a mum is wonderful,but you'll never get rid of your hubby.
He'll be the baby's father

Answer 11

You have already answered your own question and by the sounds of it you have thought logically in coming to your decision. It will be hard in the beginning but as you say you are young enough to sort your life out. Stay in university as this will give you more options in life, As you say, you may feel guilty but the alternative will be a lot harder. Make the tough decisions now and give yourself a real chance of true happiness with someone that you really deserve.

Good luck girlfriend- all the very best

xx