i spilt with my ex 4 months ago, he had been a dad to my daughter who is 5 for 3 years, he played a lot of mind games and was a spitefull man, he used her a lot to get at me both times we broke up he made it clear he doesn't mind seeing his son but not my daughter. he beat me up, put my windows through so i stopped him having contact with the children. my daughter is now going through a bad time, she seems happier since he's gone but is now crying saying she misses him and keeps saying 'mommy i nothing bad is going to happen to me is it? mommy i won't die will i? and she keeps making things up that her leg, hand, stomach, head, tongue, foot, toes hurt. i think this is a result of stress from my ex going. i try to tell her everything is ok but it's breaking my heart. Has anyone had this experience with their children and how can i help her
2007-01-01 10:21:14 · 14 answers · asked by DONNAIS 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You need to speak to your GP for advice (eg referral to a psychologist). All of the answers on here may refer to experiences etc but it won't actually relate to your daughter's personal experience - only she can tell you (or a professional).
My daughter went through a difficult patch when I had an amicable split from her father - so it is only natural that your daughter with all the awful situations she has had to experience is now mentally (and physically) suffering.
I would like to add (and this is not meant as a criticism) that you address your own difficulties since the split and look at the reasons you ended up with such an awful person. There may be residual issues that you need to clear so that you do not repeat your relationship patterns and damage your children further.
I wish you and your children the best of luck.
2007-01-01 10:29:58 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry for this tough situation.You daughter is reaching out more to you now because she used to have two people to give her attention.I think the best thing you can do is get around people you trust that have kids and spend time with them.An abusive relationship can be like a bubble. If you surround her with positive people and a new enviorment she might just start acting like herself again. She will probably always remember this time but you can still make it positive and also make her proud of you for leaving him.You are both going through a stressful time. So see someone either a person at church a counselor or a close friend.Try to have one on one moments with her where she can really express herself. Now the question about "I wont die wil I" That is definetly a sign that you did the right thing. So ask her why she thinks that. If it has anything to do with your ex get a restaining order.When he comes to see his son keep her occupied.It's his lost.
2007-01-01 10:44:37 · answer #2 · answered by fabulosity 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your daughter shows symptoms of stress and anxiety. This was obviously due to the nature of your ex's violent streak. Did your daughter witness him beating you? if so this has a traumatising effect on your daughter, and healing what she has been put through will take time, energy and love to come from you. Maybe you can let him know either he sees both of them or neither, maybe that might sway him (you know best). When a father figure leaves his little girl, no matter how evil that person was, she only sees him as that father that is missing from her life. You must tell her and reassure her that nothing bad is going to happen, and that sometimes in this world bad things just happen and that life sometimes is difficult - but show her there is hope and that good things will eventually come into her life. I have no real solution for it is up to you to find it, for you know your daughter best and you have her interests at heart - I advise you to get this book as it has helped me so much, I myself am a single father of 1 daughter and it has helped me understand things in many ways: The Road Less travelled - A new psychology of Love, Traditional values and spiritual growth; M. Scott Peck (Arrow Books 1990). I wish you all the success for you and your daughter.
2007-01-01 23:06:52 · answer #3 · answered by Eternal Soul 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing you can do is to take your daughter to the doctors, and explain exactly what has happened to the doctor, he may then recommend that your daughter see a counsellor or a psychiatrist, as they are likely to be able to help you more. She may be stressed by what has happened, or something else, but whatever it is your daughter needs to see a doctor, mainly because she obviously isn't well, and something needs to be done about it. Children can be affected badly by things like break ups and also by the sounds of it what happened when you were with your ex would have upset her as well, so she maybe confused, and probably needs to talk about things to someone, you or someone professional! I hope everything turns out ok and that you are completely free of your ex. Good luck with the future!
2007-01-02 01:58:43 · answer #4 · answered by wiccanfairiekitty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At 5 years old its very hard to let people know what your feeling, getting your attention is a way of her knowing that she is safe. Trying to understand that someone who was part of her life (your ex) has dissapeared may come across as fear that she too may 'dissapear'. Saying parts of her hurt, keeps the rest of her family close; saying there there or where does it hurt is showing her that you care...keep saying you love her!, keep making her part of the normal things that go on around you (which sounds as though you do) normality will come but you have to give her time try and see things through her eyes...does she have grandparents that could be involved? if your still worried contact your health visitor or doctor for advice, councilling or a child psychologist may be an option but hopefully should not be. I wish you your daughter and son well :)
2007-01-01 11:24:33 · answer #5 · answered by English Knight 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how old is your daughter? 5 yr old? take her to the dr anyways just for relief of the dr saying everything is fine physically.
maybe join a group of some sort. maybe she needs to talk out her feelings.
maybe ask her what she thinks is making her body parts hurt. and dont say anything, let her think on her own. and then ask her out the 2 of you could make it stop hurting as much, let her come up with solutions, a 5yr view is different from a parents view.
2007-01-01 10:35:01 · answer #6 · answered by cats3inhouse 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the por darling id suggest family councelling not only 4 her but u aswell u seem 2 have had a tough time i hope 2007 brings u some peace x
2007-01-01 14:50:56 · answer #7 · answered by dellyboppers 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hun i went through exactly the same thing reading this its like i have wrote it about myself, my son and daughter.
you dont say how old your children are. but i found that my daughter was saying things as she wanted more of my attention but i couldnt give her any more i was giving her as much attention as i could. you say he dont mind seeing his son and maybe she feels left out because her daddy doesnt want to see her and if your son talks about what him and his daddy does it must be killing her. all i can say is give her love as much love as you can. she is used to seeing her daddy hit her mommy and always arguments and noise in the house but now its all quiet and peacful and she isnt used to that it will play on thier mind. she also is feeling very insecure as her daddy has walked out on her and she is thinking that her mommy is too. cuddle her tell her that you will always be there for her and no one is going to hurt her or mommy again. although she feels that hurt for herself she also fears the hurt for you as children can feel what thier parent is feeling. hang on in thier hun it will work out in the end just be there for your children as much as you can, its very hard on your own and you will feel like you need space but think of how your children must be feeling they are used to 2 parents in the house now they only have 1 and its up to you alone to keep them safe and secure.
my daughter is fine until she see's her dad (which is not often) but she gets very angry after she comes back and it still plays on her mind now when she used to see daddy hitting mommy but she has told me that she would rather have no dad than go through what she had to go through most of her life. im proud with the way i have brought my children up ALONE its hard but you can do it, honest you can.
im hear if you want to talk (email) a problem shared is a problem halved especialy if the person you are talking to have been through exactly the same.
good luck hun x
2007-01-01 12:00:46 · answer #8 · answered by kjw 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get proffesional help. Seriously, your daughter needs help in dealing with this now otherwise she may feel like that the rest of her life.
P.S. congratulations on getting out of the bad relationship!
2007-01-01 10:33:59 · answer #9 · answered by L D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes, she is confused & sad.
I have had 2 deal w/ similar...
the only thing U can do is stay busy..
she thinks that sum thing is missing...
so they make sum thing up 2 compensate...
do not talk about the past...
reinvent the future...
make sure that U feel like the family is complete w/o him...
she will b as happy as U r ;)
my daughter is 12 now...
there will always b tougher days....
2007-01-01 10:36:17 · answer #10 · answered by katwaxr 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋