the baby has no brain or spine, the doctor says it is against her religion to do an abortion. she agreed to carry it full term because the babys organs can be donated after delivery. what kind of shower/party can we give for her to show we care?
2007-01-01 10:08:04 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Would you seriously give a shower/ party for a woman that's carrying a dead baby ??? Are you out of your mind ? I have my own issues with abortion, however, your friend could see another doc that would perform the procedure. I'm a nurse, and midwife, which organs is she going to donate ?? How far along is your friend ? Asking about a party is NOT showing you care. I'm surprised she hasn't miscarried this baby on her own. This question really disturbs me. Good luck to your friend ~~
2007-01-01 10:15:57 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I went through the same thing with my first baby. As I was five months along, they didn't do an abortion, but induced labor and I had her extremely prematurely. If this is something your friend would rather do, then have her switch doctors!!!!
It is very noble to want to donate the organs - however, when a baby has anencephaly (which is what this condition of being formed without a brain is called) they 1. rarely live to full term, and their organs cannot be donated and 2. even if they do, their organs are almost never accepted because there is no garantee that they are healthy.
What I'm trying to say is that I believe her doctor's desire for her to not have the baby prematurely is leading the doctor to not tell her the facts - her baby most likely will not be able to be a donor to help others.
2007-01-01 19:35:50 · answer #2 · answered by Emily O 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Give her a "Celebration of Life Given" shower. You will no be able to ease her pain in any way shape or form, however, acknowledging her pregnancy, birth and the donation of her baby's organs will show your support and understanding in her decision to carry her baby full term and donate his/her life to others. She will probably know the sex of her child, and most people will name their child even though he/she won't live after birth. Acknowledge the sex of the child with a pink or blue theme, and yellow for remembrance. As far as gifts, make donations in her and the baby's names to a child charity that applies to her beliefs, like St. Jude's or The Make a Wish Foundation. She might take some comfort in knowing that her loss was not an empty loss. My heart goes out to you and your friend.
2007-01-01 18:21:02 · answer #3 · answered by ihave5katz 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just be there to support her. it's hard enough being pregnant, with all the hormone changes and moodiness, but then to find out that the baby will be born dead adds a lot of extra stress. Support her the best that you can. Maybe you and some of your friends and her family can get together and have a girls night and give her a chance to talk about things that are on her mind about the pregnancy, and the birth, and just how she's feeling, and listen to her and let her know that you care and you will always be there for her. she may not want to talk about it, and if that's the case then just have a girls night and try and get her to have fun and talk and just hang out and chill, to get her mind off of it for even a few minutes would help. how far along is she? the baby will continue to grow thruout the pregnancy and maybe it's just going thru slow development. whatever the case may be, let her know you are there for her without making her feel like you pity her. The last thing she needs is pity from anyone...comfort her as best as you can.
2007-01-01 18:32:41 · answer #4 · answered by kaiyas_mom07 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DON'T give her a shower or have a party. You might want to have a small get together with close family and friends. You can put together a memory book for her. Include pictures of her pregnancy, the hospital bracelets, and photos of the child in an envelope. She may know (intellectually) that the child will die when it is born but she will grieve just like any other mother that loses a child.
My youngest brother was stillborn at full term. My mother grieved for that child just like anyone else who looses a child. As time went by she liked to look at the photographs and memorabilia from her pregnancy. You need to acknowledge the pregnancy and birth and not pretend like it never happened.
2007-01-01 18:23:05 · answer #5 · answered by debwils_4kids 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Um... a shower or party wouldn't really be appropriate. At all.
And btw, if the patient *wants* to do an abortion, then the doctor is (by law) supposed to either do it, or refer the patient to someone who will do it. But, if she agreed to carry it to term b/c of donated organs, well thats her choice. (Though I would look it up and see if thats actually possible.)
Just be there for her. Even though she'll be carrying to term, she's still a mother going home without her baby. Take her out, be there for her, talk to her, and let her know that she can count on you for anything.
2007-01-01 18:14:52 · answer #6 · answered by youdontneedtoknow 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I'd like to let you know, that your friend is going to need a lot of emotional support. Her child will die before it gets a chance to live. I've had several miscarriages.
I would suggest not giving her a baby shower or party in the traditional sense. I would instead (after the delivery) offer to
arrange for a memorial service and wake for the child. Send the mother a sympathy card and beautiful arrangement of flowers or
(if the mother is in need financially) take up a collection for her.
Offer her your shoulder to cry on and let her know its ok to cry.
Be there for her.
2007-01-01 18:19:46 · answer #7 · answered by txharleygirl1 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No shower, she does not need baby clothes she needs love, encouragement, and support.
I worked with a girl who found out that the baby would be steal born. She cried, and cried at first, and then she said maybe there was a reason beyond her knowledge. She was so excited when she found out that she was pregnancy, she had already picked out the furniture for the baby. Her husband wanted to remove the furniture, and she said no, at the right time I will do it.
When she went to the hospital and came home, they had a welcome home party. People bought items for the house and things to keep her mind busy and off of losing the baby.
Two years later she had healthy twins, a boy and a girl.
2007-01-01 18:19:47 · answer #8 · answered by D S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not so sure that a shower or party is a good idea for someone in her situation. It may make things even harder on her. Maybe a quiet get together with close friends and family would help, so she knows that there are people around her who are there for her and support her. Best of luck to you and her.
2007-01-01 18:12:30 · answer #9 · answered by zuckie44 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Er, no. No shower, no party in the normal sense.
That said, you might do something like get ready to prepare some food, offer to do some house-keeping, etc, around the due date.
There's an interesting essay about somebody in the same sort of situation in the current issue of this magazine:
http://www.brainchildmag.com/toc/
The article itself isn't on-line, but it would be worth hunting down at a newsstand or library.
2007-01-01 18:19:57 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋