The Average Englishman?

Question

The average Englishman, in his home he calls his castle, puts on his national costume - A shabby Raincoat patented by Charles MacIntosh of Glasgow, Scotland.

He drives a car fitted with tyres invented by John Boyd Dunlop of Dreghorn, Scotland.

At the office he recieves his mail with adhearive stamps which, although they bear the queen of England's head, were invented by John Chambers of Dundee, Scotland.

During the day he uses the telephone, Invented by Alexander Graham Bell of Edinburgh, Scotland.
At home in the evening he watches his daughter ride her bicycle, invented by Kilpatrick MacMillan, A Blacksmith from Dumfries, Scotland.

He watches the news on television which was invented by John Logie Baird of Helensburough Scotland and hears an item about the U.S. Navy founded by John Paul Jones of Kirkbean, Scotland.
He has now been reminded too much of Scotland and in desperation picks up the Bible, only to find that the first man mentioned in the good book is a Scot - King James VI - who authourised it's translation.

No where can an Englishman turn to escape the ingenuity of the Scots, he could take to drink but the Scots make the finest in the world, he could take a rifle and end it all but the breech-loading rifle was invented by Captain Patrick Ferguson of Pitfours, Scotland.
If he escaped death, he could find himself on an operating table, being injected with Penicillin, discovered by Alexander Flemming of Darvel, Scotland, and given an aneasthetic, discovered by Sir James Young Simpson of Bathgate, Scotland.
Out of the aneasthetic he would find no comfort in learning that he was as safe as the Bank Of England which was founded by William Patterson of Dumfries, Scotland.

Perhaps his only hope would be to get a transfusion of good SCOTTISH blood

Answer 1

HA HA HA are the Scottish and English still going at it. I thought that was a thing of the past.

Sure would like to meet a Scottish man, I would treat him real good..I LOVE SCOTTISH MEN !

Answer 2

Aye to the truth. Read Duncan A Bruce's book "The Mark of the Scots" for further insight into our proud history and characteristics that can never be stamped out no matter how hard they try. To the '45.

Answer 3

Ho this is a good one, let me compose you a fitting answer.

The Average Englishman?
The average Englishman, in his home he calls his house - does not put on a shabby Raincoat patented by Charles MacIntosh of Glasgow, Scotland, only the drunken Scots down the pub, and the perverts wear those. All his clothes are made on machines designed by Englishmen, Thomas Cromford, Richard Arkwright and Edmund Cartwright.

He drives a car fitted with tyres, which may have been invented by invented by John Boyd Dunlop of Dreghorn, Scotland. Or may not, Dunlop, like most of his fellow Scots had deserted the ‘auld country’ to work in Glorious England, in this case it was at Manchester, and he was using the invention of Charles Goodyear. Who in 1847 invented a vulcanisation process for rubber - an invention that also revolutionised transport as it led to the development of pneumatic tyres. Charles was born in New Haven, Connecticut, of English parents. Anyway, he prefers to travel by Jet aircraft to work, an invention of Sir Frank Whittle, rather than use the Train, which was invented by Thomas Newcomen.


At the office he receives his mail with postage stamps which, still bear the Queen of England's head, a product developed by Sir Rowland Hill - English educator, inventor, and postal reformer.

During the day he uses the computer invented by Charles Babbage. Although born in London, Babbage came from an old Totnes (Devon) family. Of course Alan Turin first built the machine around 1945. Oh he was English too.

At home in the evening he watches his daughter Hoover the front room, with a machine invented by James Dyson, whilst listening to the radio, built and invented by Trevor Baylis
And calculates (on the calculator developed Clive Sinclair) how much money he has saved on batteries.

He would not be able to watch anything on TV if it hadn't been for Charles Parsons whom developed the electric generator. He not interested about the U.S. Navy since he used to serve in the Royal Navy, created by King Alfred the Great. He is also too educated to worry about the ideas within the Bible, since he completed his degree at Oxford, and his doctorate at Cambridge - the worlds finest universities.

He likes a drop of Gin and Tonic, or some nice cider - even a good real ale, a Saxon invention. Then the late film comes on the BBC, its Braveheart, played by an Australian, and it fails to show Robert the Bruce as a Norman, whose real name was Robert De Bloice, but the Scots could not pronounce that lol.

Of course he has one worry, its that all those blasted Scots who won’t go home, are mucking up his glorious Parliament, (another English Invention) despite the fact that we have given them their own building, I suppose they just like it so much here in England, that they don’t want to go home to that cold damp climate.

Answer 4

Where did it all go wrong for the Scots though? living on past glories is fine but you have to keep on with the creativity to keep credibility.

Otherwise it becomes just cheap shots at the English. the pot calling the kettle black ****.

Scots what have you invented recently?

Answer 5

somebody usual looking with a large character purely think of roughly it. nicely it concerns for youths to have a good look and nicely i like warm guyz additionally, yet whilst u think of with reference to the greater years,,, forward. you decide on your companion to love you from heart, understand you. Even concept they could have diverse opinions they'd be attentive to get alonge somewhat nicely and that they could care approximately each and every others opinion. nicely to put in nutshells, i think of a few guy would desire to look warm yet can even have sucha undesirable character. do you think of you may desire to stay fortunately until finally the tip? yet in different hand think of that this guy perchance isn't that warm like the 1st one yet he has an somewhat deep heart which has your heart in. He loves you cares approximately you and your opinions, in spite of if he's the different of that and he respects and helps you until finally the tip. And as they say attractiveness is interior i mean somewhat attractiveness comes from heart so he's greater beautiful than the 1st guy so noww could you date a impolite warm guy? Umm I wont :Px

Answer 6

I'm with you on this one
He could spend his days freezing in your wonderful city of Edinburgh.
The Scots don't have the monopoly on sunshine
(But they do have absolutely everything else !)

Answer 7

All true.
So we invented cricket to make ourselves feel better, until the Aussies started playing.
Now we're a bit stuffed.

Answer 8

Rusty you know you love us as you have to keep talking about us. You are such a Scottish prat learn to bow quietly or we might just have to abandon Scotland and leave you low life to get on with it .You will come crawling back you better crawl good boy.

Answer 9

Whats your point? That there have been some great men who were Scottish? OK there were and there have been great men of many nations.

You forget the great men of the enlightenment, Hume and Smith, next time try and fit them in please.

Answer 10

Suggests an inferiority complex scotty boy!
BTW top answer David C!