What happens when you find out your husbands had an emotional affair.?

Question

Last night on new years eve at 10pm. I recieved a phone call from the spouse of one of my husbands co-workers. He sent me copies of emails between them. He told her he loved her and hated being with me etc etc.... When I confronted him about it he lied and then lied some more. Now I dont know what to do. He's put a lot of the blame on me, but I havent done anything. He tells me he hasnt slept with this woman, but then one of the emails said that He couldnt stand my touch and couldnt wait to be with her. So what now?

Answer 1

First...it seems like a very odd time for the spouse of your husband's co-worker to be contacting you. Also, how did they get their hands on the email? I would ask some serious questions about the motivation of this party in it.

After that, assuming your husband has had an emotional affair, surely you must have felt things have been different in the marriage between you two lately. How has the communication been between you? Are there other outside troubles going on between you and your husband? Please understand...I'm not blaming you, a marriage is a union between two people. Therefore those lines of communication must always be kept open and used. My guess is there is something lacking in your marriage for him to look outside of it to fulfill his need. You can solve this only if both of you want to. If he says he's not interested in working on his marriage with you, then it's time to call it quits and get out. But, make every effort possible to fix what's wrong between you first. If you don't, years down the road, you'll always ask yourself if you did everything you could.

I understand your situation...I had an emotional affair and choose to stop it. Nothing physical happened. But when I look back on it, I realized that my marriage was lacking intimacy and communication. I found those in this other person. I love my wife and want to make it work. Therefore, I put aside the feelings I was experiencing for this other woman and focused on my marriage. Things have been better. But a key difference is that I wanted to make it work. Sounds like your guy doesn't. Good luck.

Answer 2

You have much more damaging evidence than I have on my wife. However, she's lied and lied again also. My situation was her talking to ex boyfriends on the phone. She has the ability to sneak away from her job thus, a real possibility she's gone much further than she's admitted.

It's been a very slow process to even think about trusting her. Right now my level of trust is below zero however, I'm playing my cards close and trying not to give away the fact I'm paying very close attention to every thing she does and says.

I don't have an answer for you other than try counseling if he wants it. I can recommend the book "NOT JUST FRIENDS" by Shirley Glass PhD. It covers most of the bases regarding what you are currently feeling. It's has research studies detailing every phase of infidelity.

Don't be fooled!! Someone can lie and be very good at it! An affair can go completely undetected! It certainly happened to me. She could me in the face and tell me a bald faced lie and I NEVER knew it.

I'm going to watch your id for additional postings about this. Really similar situation.

Answer 3

Wow, why are you asking total strangers when your hubby put it all in writing?

He probably is afraid of the monetary consequences - as they all are, thus they cheat until caught and then feel that the choice that has been made is by you and it's an easy out. Which...it is.

Cheating is unfair and so are the horrible feelings that come with being cheated on. Honey, you're dilluding yourself if you think that he's only having an "emotional" affair........which, btw is worse than a physical affair.

Let him off the hook........he's no keeper. Whatever you do, do not believe his bs - you've been lied to long enough haven't you? He's busted and you've got it in writing. I'd say that's a coo for you actually. His own words.

Good luck; it gets better when they're gone..........wayyyyyyyyy better....trust me. *W*

Answer 4

Things are much easier said then done. Obviously you love him, if not this wouldnt even be a question. So you have to ask yourself if you love him enough to forgive him, to actually forgive him when it comes down to it. You need seek a marriage counselor first of all, and since with only God are all things possible, you need to seek a Christian marriage counselor. Even if its by yourself at first. Emotional affairs, i believe are actually worse, but both types hurt the heart equally. Even though you didnt force him to act out the way he did, we all play a part in our spouse's actions.
You two got married in the first place, at one point he did desire you. You need to ask yourself what is driving you two apart, and that usually requires the help of a counselor. If he wants to go great! If not, go by yourself at first, eventually, with prayer, he will go too.
You must also let him know when hes calmed and has no where to go, that this hurt you, and after that, leave it alone. Dont keep telling him until you go to counseling. This situation is a hard one and one that can repeat itself if you dont handle it carefully.
However, if you dont love your husband anymore and cant stand him either, than you do have grounds for divorce, its says, for whoever even looks at a women lustfully commits adultery.
Most importantly, you need to pray. Pray for his heart, your heart, peace, and the other women.

Answer 5

Sounds like she wanted to start a new year with him. How cheap and not classy. How well do you know your husband? Has he ever done this before? Past behavior is a good indicator of future behavior. If he is trying to blame YOU for HIS choices then that right there would send me packing. Whether or not he actually slept with this woman is irrelevent. What he did is one step further closer to doing so. If you have kids try to work it out but if not..............RUN FAST and in the other direction. Start 2007 with a fresh start. Also..........it wouldn't hurt to get tested for STD's.

Answer 6

I think the best thing would be to just talk it out with him first, see why he doesnt want to be with you. Then you have to decide what you want to do. If this was in my case id get a divorce. No woman.. or man also should ever stay with someone that is cheating on them whether its physically or emotionally. Ive made that mistake before. Its just not worth the pain and heartache eachday. You're better off finding a new man who is going to treat you like a princess for the rest of your life and not get sick of you.. =]

Answer 7

The emails alone are saying alot. Even if they haven't been physical, it would be very hard to work things out after knowing what he's said. It doesn't matter whether he meant it or not. The fact that those words even came up would destroy me. You need to sit down and have a talk with him. If you are willing try and work things out they need to stops all communication.

Answer 8

The man said he couldn't stand your touch? Okay I 'm calm now first look at the emails see if any of the things he told her are true then you have to decide if you are willing to forgive him I mean FORGIVE HIM & FORGET you can't bring it up when your mad you have to leave it alone. If you can do that... Personnally I can't even if he was lying to her to sleep with her he is a jerk. Leave him you can do better you don't deserve that and I feel he will do it again.

Answer 9

If you can prove he lied to you about what was in writing then you need to seek a Lawyer. It is proven "once a liar always a liar" and since he chose to act out his fantisies with someone., rather than work any problems out in your marriage, YOU should not feel guilty for anything you must do now.

Answer 10

So maybe he hasn't done anything in bed with her but ya know what? He's gonna sooner or later. Get out now, all the trust is gone and what do you want to do? Wait years for it to build back again the trust? If you saw it in e-mails then he done done done!