I have a 24 yr old son,has autism,he lives with me.He can not?

Question

stop cursing He thinks it is funny, he calls me a fat ***** and fat ***, should I slap him or what? He also goes around talking about his Penis all the time.

I would never slap him though.

Answer 1

It sounds like a stressful situation.

Autistic individuals have a problem with relating emotions and thoughts to others...

If you can imagine a bridge spanning from an island to the shore, then imagine that a part of the bridge is missing so you are unable to walk back and forth between the two...

Now see the island as the persons inner being, like thoughts and emotions,
The bridge is the means to connect those thoughts and emotions to others in a reciprocating manner, and the shore is where the outside is, where everyone else is at...

With an autistic person, this is how it is with their emotions and thoughts... it is difficult to relate and also to understand others feelings and thoughts... As if there is a block there in lacking the ability to be empathetic with others around them, unless it is quite obvious they are clueless what their actions do to others around them...

I do not know what else to say but it is something that will probally take a while to change for it is impossible to expect change immediately. It has taken me years to become more aware and empethetic with those around me... I know because I was diagnosed as having autism but being 'high functioning'.

Answer 2

As you know, autism keeps people from socializing properly. They find it hard to understand exactly what another person is thinking, especially because of the difficulty in reading facial expression, tone of voice, and other nonverbal speech.

I am assuming you have already explained to him that when he curses, you are sad. He may not attach enough significance to this; so you are going to have to try something else... He certainly can't keep on cursing; people in the outside world will judge him unfairly if he offends them, and with the already very negative opinion people have of autistic folk, that sort of thing is to be avoided. The better your son's PR, the better people will treat him... The world is cruel, but that's the way it is.

Humor, essentially, comes from making a connection between two things--it's very intellectual. A person "gets a joke" and laughs; the laughter is triggered by the sudden understanding of a new concept. This is basically what your son is doing--making a connection.

Your son has discovered that saying certain words gets you to react in a certain way. Because he does not read your emotions very well, he does not understand that this is hurting you. What he's laughing at is the realization that he can make something happen--your reaction--by saying certain words.

Non-autistic humans do the same thing, incidentally. My housemates and I, for example, discovered that when you let a dog have a lick of peanut butter, it will smack and lick its lips most comically for at least five minutes. Needless to say, we found this connection quite funny, and our dog has gotten more than one lick of peanut butter since then.

That's just about what your son is doing. He knows he can predict your reaction, and it gives him pleasure to cause it, just like it gives us pleasure to give our dogs a lick of peanut butter.

When you react, you are reinforcing his behavior--he can predict that reaction, even though it is a negative one, and that makes him feel good. So the best thing I can think of doing is just to stop reacting completely--just act as though he hadn't said anything at all.

You will probably end up with an "extinction burst"--that is, your son will try it more and more often, and more and more loudly, for a while, to try to make it work again. This is actually a good sign--he realizes that his trick no longer works. If you wait out the extinction burst, chances are he will stop cursing, since it no longer causes a reaction.

I also suggest giving him something else to be interested in while this goes on. He must have some subject he is fascinated with; you might try giving him a book about it, a new object for a collection, et cetera. In addition to no longer reinforcing the undesired behavior, reinforce something which is just as fun to him, but less socially unacceptable to the rest of the world.

Answer 3

I have worked with autistic men, women, and children for 20 years. I wouldn't get to upset about it. I think he is just trying to be rebellious in an autism way. And because he is 24 he maybe having some sexual tension. I would just tell him if he wants to talk that way go into another room because you don't want to hear it. Making it a big deal will make him continue it. I definitely wouldn't start a behavioral program over it. Keep it short and to the point. After awhile it won't be fun anymore. Maybe think about getting some sexual counseling. This helps a lot with autistic adults. It will help if he has information.

Answer 4

Is this a real question, or another point gainer like your "do all asians eat dogs" or "How can I delete my questions so no one can see them?" or "do arabs own gas stations so they can blow them all up at once" It's quite easy to read other questions, and having two kids with autism, I'm very protective of kids with autism and the entire subject.

If this is real, i'd ask....How functional is he? Thing is, he didn't learn this on his own, who'd he pick it up from? Why aren't your psychologist and social skills groups working on this?

My daughter frequenting says things that aren't appropriate, however, we don't take it seriously because she doesn't know *what* she is saying. All she knows is that it gets a reaction. He probably has no idea why it's wrong, and it's your job to teach him that. Slapping him is about the worst thing you could do, not only does it supply a reaction, but you're teaching him to hit people. That's going to get him in jail in public a lot faster than name calling.

good luck

Answer 5

Most inappropriate behaviors can be reinforced by the reactions it gets. What is your reaction to these statements. Do you yell or explain? Does anyone laugh? Your son probably has a great deal of difficulty initiating social interactions. He has also probably gotten some sort of response that is making him continue with these statements. Even a negative response (like yelling) can motivate him to keep making these statements. He is probably just seeking your attention. It might seem strange to you that yelling or punishment will cause this behavior to continue, but he probably gets a lot of attention (even if it is negative) when he says these things.

I recommend that you 1) try to ignore him. It will be hard for you. Tell him you will not speak with him when he talks in that manner. Only respond to him when he is speaking nicely. 2). give him more appropriate things to say (i.e., "hi mom", "how are you?", etc.) Model for him what you want him to say to you. That can be very helpful.
3). Write a social story (Carol Gray is very helpful with this type of story).
4. Provide incentives.... mark down when he says something appropriate. Tell him if he goes one day saying only nice things he will get a treat. Then increase it to two days, etc.

Basically your son probably does not realize how these statements can upset someone. I don't know the functioning level of your son, but Michelle Garcia Winner has some great information on social thinking. This might be helpful for you. You can teach your son how his actions affect others. If he can begin to comprehend that these statements hurt you he may be easier to redirect to more positive interactions.

Good luck to you!

Answer 6

It's important to understand that people with autism also have the capability of intentionally misbehaving. The behaviors you are describing are not directly related to autism. (Side note: I teach special education, and the grandmother of one of my students once made the distinction between her grandson's "autism" and his "naughty-ism." I really like that term!)

Anyway, it sounds as if your son has learned that he can push people's buttons by using inappropriate language. You need to develop a way of responding to this. It would be best if you could develop a plan with someone who has experience in doing so. Is your son is some sort of work program or adult day program? If so, I would start by calling them and asking for some guidance. They may be able to assist you directly, or they may be able to refer you to an agency or program that can help you.

Generally, I would recommend that you not respond to this behavior with any emotion whatsoever. I would start by telling your son calmly that you will not talk to him when he is using the offensive words. Then carry through with it. Ignore him, and do not make eye contact with him when he is being rude. Walk away from him if you need to, but do not react, either in anger or by getting into a discussion about it. He knows he is doing something wrong. It seems likely that he is repeating this behavior because he is getting some pleasure from making you upset.

But it also sounds as if this is a strong pattern of behavior, so please seek some guidance. For your son's sake, he needs to learn that offensive language will limit his options; no one wants to employ or socialize with a person who uses such language.

Answer 7

Yes, it is not funny, and he needs to know it soon. Most of the times, such sentences are heard and simply repeated. People with autism could also go about having phases where they are obsessed with one particualar thing... that can range from hangers to penis. U must have heard of 'social stories', have you tried them?Please try making two such social stories for either of these issues and read out to him every other day. Hope this helps.try this link.. www.socialstories.com
May peace be with us all.:)

Answer 8

You need to find a support group to discuss the issues you are having with your son. They can also assist you in how to deal with your child's current behavior. Try finding one in your local community/area. Of course I am guessing that you already know that slapping your child will not help him learn...it will only teach him violence.
Visit the following websites, they can lead you to various information about coping with an autism.
http://www.autism-society.org/site/PageServer
http://groups.msn.com/TheAutismHomePage
http://www.nationalautismassociation.org/
Good luck to you!

Answer 9

i have a child with the same problem she has autism please keep in mind these children learn from repution if you hit or smack him your just going to teach him that when flustrated all he has to do is smack out at someone also realize that most with this problem dont realize what the word means . now some children with this problem can talk some cant but there understanding level is that of a mere child no matter how old they are just sit him down and tell him that word unaccetpable or time him out--- sit him on a couch of chair for a limited time when he does say the word if you do this every time he learn if he says those words he get time out believe they do learn by it dont show anger to a child just teaches them anger get them what they want i been a teachers aide with chandicap children at our schools here it is difficult to raise as special needs child you need alot of understand patience and love and crusing just think if you use those words and the teacher tell him to do something them since he learned them at home he using them n school but i wouldnt smack them while in a autism attack these children have 3 time the strength you do-- my child autisic she has a siezure disorder she also see 3 of what you see 1 of i caved in sterum as well as rigid inner ear ...please be thank full that your child can talk mine cant she know some but cant talk fluent these are special children they all excel in one field my child is music and computers good luck i know its difficult but they are all god gifts

Answer 10

I don't know what kind of programming and services you can access where you live, but he can be taught to not do that. You need to contact an autism society or an autism center who will be able to give you better direction. I have attached a link to the Geneva Center for Autism in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. If you contact them and tell them your problem they may be able to help you find the help you need in your own area. Or search for an Autism Center in your own area.