My divorce was final a month ago and my girlfriend of 2 years who has been there for me during my divorce wanted me to wait a year to work through this because she was not sure. I got it done last week and then told her over the phone a week later. She called this"beyond selfish" and broke up with me. Its what I wanted and that is all that counts right?
2007-01-01 09:35:54 · 27 answers · asked by ccsail 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
she waited 2 years for you to be officially single again, so you two can have an actual future. and you just made a major decision without her. that doesn't really sound like you want to have a future with her. in a serious relationship you make these decisions together. so she feels she just wasted 2 years of her life with you. you wrote that what you wanted is all that really counts, that is only true if you are not in a relationship. if you are, it is "beyond selfish". stay single for a while. sounds like you need a break!
2007-01-01 09:47:36 · answer #1 · answered by gabriela 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
From your girlfriend's perspective it was beyond selfish. She clearly had it in her mind that you may ultimately marry.
In doing this you decided for her that to marry you meant no children for her. If I were her I would run too? You are out for one thing and one thing only now.......sex! You've taken all the reason for marriage away.
It was bad enough that you didn't involve her in the decision but it will be the same for every women you meet.
If all you want, for the rest of your life, is to have girlfriends that do not want baby's then you are good. But there may come a time when you would like to marry again. You then have reduced the field of possible women as you have robbed them of having babies too.
It is clear this was far more important to you than your new girl friend. Just be sure your up-front with all the rest of your girl friends in the future and you will do fine. If you don't tell them and marry you will be making a very bad mistake.
2007-01-01 18:02:09 · answer #2 · answered by John B 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I did the same thing when I divorced. Only I am not seeing anyone. I know I am not going to have anymore children. I don't want anymore. I love the two I have more than anything, but that is it for me. I know it will make things challenging in the future relationship wise, but there really isn't a compromise when it comes to kids. If someone wants children, and someone else doesn't, there isn't a way to meet in the middle. I have eliminated that discussion from the get go.
You did the right thing. When she asked you to wait because she wasn't sure, that was code for, I want kids, and will string him along until I can convince him to have another child. If she really respected your wishes to not have anymore children, she would not have reacted in that way. In fact, she would have come clean much earlier in the relationship and told you she wanted children. If anything, seems you were honest, and she had alterior motives.
Move on.
2007-01-01 18:23:17 · answer #3 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your question isn't really about your vasectomy is it? It is about whether your decision to limit your future reproduction is OK with your partner or not. Someone you have been dating for two years is your partner, whether you have tied the knot yet or not.
I am not surprised your girlfriend was upset that you didn't discuss this with her first. It is your ability to procreate that is at issue; but it means she cannot have children by you. This apparently was something very important to her. It is a shame you didn't share it with her ahead of time.
On the other hand, perhaps you were subconsciously looking for a way to end the relationship? If so, it worked. :-)
2007-01-01 17:46:25 · answer #4 · answered by krinkn 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I guess that would depend on what you had lead your girlfriend to believe as far as a future family. If you had discussed it many times and you were both in agreement that you neither of you wanted any children I don't see it as being a big deal, except she was probably very hurt and felt very left out that you didn't think enough about her to include her. Maybe she wanted to be there for you and give you support and aftercare. If your not willing to be open and upfront about important issues such as this, it may have given her a very good incite as to what kind of communicator you would be and obviously she didn't feel it was good enough.
2007-01-01 17:41:20 · answer #5 · answered by Sally B 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ever think that maybe she wanted to have kids one day?
You made the decision without her, and it probably wasn't the one she wanted.
If you didn't want kids, but she did, then the relationship wouldn't have worked out anyway.
You also need to know that when you are with someone for 2 years, getting a vasectomy without telling them is pretty mean.
2007-01-01 17:40:05 · answer #6 · answered by purvislets 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your girlfriend was obviously with you even before your divorce. You sound like a very selfish person. Grow up, it's not all about you.
2007-01-01 18:25:15 · answer #7 · answered by ksgirl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tough call! If you were serious about this lady, you might have wanted to tell her of your plans before doing it. HOWEVER, you CERTAINLY should not have children if you do not want them. If she definitely wanted children - and you definitely did not - then it seems as though this relationship did not have much of a future. In my opinion, you took responsibility for your future - but perhaps this should have been something you told her about beforehand. Good luck!
2007-01-01 17:41:43 · answer #8 · answered by Lisa B 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Vasectomy usually is done on medical grounds. If you did it to prevent pregnancy than I agree with your girlfriend that its pure selfishness on your side.
2007-01-01 17:39:18 · answer #9 · answered by SingGirl 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What?
If you had a partner and made that decision without consulting you got what you risked. Maybe she wanted kids and will now find a guy who does as well.
2007-01-01 18:01:06 · answer #10 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋