what do you do about the step child....?

Question

that always has acted very jealous and learned from her mom how to be phoney and conceited and a liar and does things just to soffen you then stabs you in the back........gives you hugs good bye and then does things behind your back and lies and is only in it for what she wants....what kind of person is this would you say?

Answer 1

I'd say she had a bad role model. The best thing you can do is be consistent, loving, and all the things her mother isn't. Being good to her and not playing her games is really the best thing to do.

Answer 2

This is an immature child probably being torn between her parents not together anymore. Would strongly suspect the mother playing a big part in this behavior. Being that it is a "step child" can be tricky... have you discussed this with the father? what is his position/feelings on this? in light of the answers to those 2 ? .. i would say depending on the fathers reaction 1.) tread lightly, as you could alienate your position in you marriage. I would recommend that you can take action and say to the child that you have figured out her "game" and that from this point on until proven that she is done with "games" it is impossible to consider anything she says or does as honest and sincere and that all trust has been compromised and when she is ready to grow up you will be ready to play for real. It is important to TRY to teach her or at least inform her that this behavior will be shuned out in the grown up world and she will lose out on many awsome experiences and people if she continues with this trait.

Answer 3

I'd say that you are how old? And this is a child. Now, I am only judging by your words for my answer. You seem intimidated and have pointed out in your own words judgemental opinions of the child and her mother, which I would assume is your boyfriend or husbands ex wife and child.

You will never ever come between that bond of a father and his child.

You need to get over the jealous behavior you have exhibited and quite frankly told on yourself within your own words here towards his child and ex wife.

*shrug* It's your choice darlin'.........jealousy or your marriage. Because one of the 2 will be your only company unless you let it go.

Answer 4

My stepdaughter. I just take her for what she is.....she's her mother, and I've told her so. I have always been vocal about my feelings, I don't hold anything back. She knows I don't believe half the things she says, she knows I don't approve of half the things she does, she knows I'm watching her. I love her Daddy though, and he also knows and respects my feelings. You ask what kind of person would you say she was? An unhappy person with self confidence problems. Continue giving her hugs, continue giving her gifts, continue being a parent to her. Someday, she'll grow up.

Answer 5

Sounds liek she's learned this behavior from someone else as you say perhaps her mother. All you can do is try to show her there is another way to live. it will be hard she already set in her ways but you can let her know that this won't work with you in this household and if you truelly want to get along lets start fresh and to be honest with one another and no back stabbing. and promise her you'll be there for her and try and understand where she coming from but you expect the same. Your not her mother and your not trying to replace her mother . you are you and you love this girl for who she is and that you want to have a good relationship with her. maybe this heart to heart talk will help her. good luck

Answer 6

Depending on the age.......
It sounds a if this person has been a tool in a bad breakup and feels that he or she needs to be loyal to one while in their presence, but has not been taught that loyalty should not be divided because the parents broke up. Too many children live with guilt after divorces and are divided on the loyalty issue.
This individual needs unconditional love because it wasn't important when the parents broke up.
Kindness and understanding. Don't focus on the negative reactions, because this child will do that to themself forever.

Answer 7

This is a hard one...I feel they wrote a manual for step children to test every area of the life of the new girlfriend, or step-mom-to-be.I was only in this situation once and she was 16 when I was going with this guy. My answer is "we are no more" she did all the same things you described and more. If he is worth it get mad and tell him in front of her how you feel then walk away. He needs to make the descision who is to change in this relationship.
It takes a good woman intuition to get past the conflict. Go Girl with what ever you decide tell it like it is to him. Examples, examples, examples.

Answer 8

She probably is learning the behavior from her mother. She is having problems with the new arrangement. If you hear her say something just confrount her about how hurtful her words are. There is alot of pressure on her to not like you to please her mother and if she does like you her mother may punish her somehow. Its really hard for both parties. Looking back my step mother was a good influence in my life and I missed her when my father and her split up. Good luck I'm sure she really likes you its just she feels quilty about about it.

Answer 9

what have you done to her?children don't act out of the way for no reason.think about it.
have you trashed anything that belonged to her?have you taken anything from her and claimed it was yours or said no that was mine,not yours?does your husband pay child support to her mother on time?your the jealous one.your the adult here,think on what all you've done to her.we all know step children are not easy,but neither are step parents.if step parents would stay out of the ex-affairs which they have kids together everyone would be better off.

Answer 10

A very mixed up confused child.You have taken away her stability.Sure her mum might be abadrole model but she is only a child. You and your husband need to sit down and talk with her.