♥ ♥ no you were not wrong.... Dana has taken the words right out of my mouth!! ♥ ♥
2007-01-01 08:11:58
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answer #1
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answered by Anonymous
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You were completley in the right. It only makes it fair. But remember that standing up to family is not always an easy task. You have to consider your wifes personality. I belive she is trully trying to do the right thing and has a great attitude as far as the OUR kids go. If your wife will not be offended maybe you can call and talk to the non gift givers. It is unfortunate that people are so small hearted these days with step children. Not everyone sees you and your wifes views the way you do. Between me and my husband there are 4 sets of grandparents for our children. All of the step parents are just as much involved with our kids as the biological. Sadly there is one that makes it clear my kids are not her grandkids. I would never bestow that upon my kids but in time they will feel the difference and she is the only one missing out because my kids are and absolute blessing to anyone. As for your situation I would kindly say something to the non gift givers and they may or may not understand. As long as you keep your cool they can not get mad. Just be understanding from the worlds stand point not only yours. Some people just aren't as loving as us. God bless and Happy New Year!
2007-01-01 16:22:10
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answer #2
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answered by cherristee 2
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This is a common problem for step-families. I do agree that the extended family should treat your children just as they do all of the children in the family, but if they won't, then it is your responsibility as a parent to protect your children from being treated as second class family members. I did not take my children to my in-laws' house for Christmas the first few years. I didn't feel it is fair to them to sit and watch the other kids sit and open gift after gift, when they got a card and a gift certificate. Things are better now- I think my in-laws got the hint. I understand how hard it is for the older generation to accept that things are not the same as when they were young. They simply do not understand the issues that we face. All of this being said, I did not want to hurt my relationship with my husband's family by forcing him to trash his relationship with them to avenge wrongs against me or my children. Sometimes it is best to forgive the ignorance of others- they know not what they do. I can understand why your wife did not want to call them and say something- this is a situation where an ounce of prevention would have been worth a pound of cure. My advice to her would be to call the relatives and apologize that she did not say something prior to Christmas because she understands that it might be uncomfortable for them now to understand that it is hurtful to all of the children if things are not kept equal. It actually hurts the child who receives the gifts (they feel guilty toward their siblings) as well as the children who are left out. Best of luck with your blended family. Things will get better..........
2007-01-01 16:42:17
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answer #3
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answered by laura c 2
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All our kids -
You have a great question and I want to take your side but you must first realize that your marriage is between you and your wife and the rest of her family may not feel the same about you and your boys.
Therefore you shouldn't make her have to pick and choose between keeping a relationship with her family based on rather or not they accept your kids. Not everyone is going to feel the same as you and your wife do about step kids.
You only have control over your household and you have the right to expect someone to respect your home. But you have no control over how someone feels about you and your kids when they are in their own homes.
You can still practice what you and your wife have set out to do by calling the kids ("our kids") but don't expect her to force her family to accept your kids. Keep being the father you are for your boys and let your kids see her love.
Good luck
2007-01-01 16:22:56
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answer #4
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answered by Tired of being Mr. Nice 3
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How you and your wife treat your three kids is going to be different then how others see them. This really isn't your problem but theirs. In most cases making a big deal of how the in-laws treat the kids will typically backfire. I know you mean well, but unfortunately I don't think it works out when you try to club people with reality.
For me, I think dealing with this issues is better done face to face than over the phone the phone or in writing. In other settings make sure that the 3 kids are referred to as a singular group (the kids not Missy and the boys) or by name (John, Ben and Missy) when appropriate.
Do the kids buy gifts for others (to grandpa and grandma from:)? If so, make sure that all of the kids sign it.
2007-01-01 16:20:22
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answer #5
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answered by azohawk 3
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I've been part of a blended family my whole life (grew up with a step-dad and now I'm married with two of my own, one of his and one together). The one thing my husband and I have always insisted on from our families is equality with all the kids. It doesn't matter who came from who, they are all OUR children and we don't tolerate one being treated differently from the other. I think your wife should stand up for your boys. If she truly believes that all the kids are equal, she would tell her family that. Sometimes it can be difficult for other members of the family to be accepting, so give them time. Good luck with a difficult situation.
2007-01-01 16:17:28
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answer #6
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answered by GraceSlickChick 2
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Thats not fair what happened if she wants ur two boys to be part of her family then her family have to recognise this and include them in all the things that they include her daughter in, the fact that you's are married also makes this the more acceptable thing to do, I myself have stepbrothers and no-one on my mum's side would ever dream of leaving them out. Speaking from experience kids are affected by these types of things especially when they are part of a new family, if nothing changes then you know next year to cut your shopping list a bit, lol. Hope everything works out for you.
2007-01-01 16:14:26
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answer #7
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answered by coolkit78 1
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Blending any family together is tough work, and when your dealing with Kids even harder.
I think that it is right to ask that you wife call and inform them of that.
On the other hand its about your relationship with your wife as well.
The treating all the kids as our kids is a good concept. One that you want to enhance the family and give everybody a good feeling about the family. It's not your wife's fault if some of the extended family are short sighted and not on par with your goal.
(It's not my husbands fault that His extended family choose not to speak to me all Christmas day (I have very few reasons on why they do this...))
2007-01-01 18:54:46
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answer #8
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answered by Abbasangel 5
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The family should be made aware of the fact that there are three children and that your wife and yourself. Work very hard at making everything equal so no one feels slighted or left out. And you would appreciate their assistance in this. I don't think it is too much to ask. God bless****
2007-01-01 16:12:32
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answer #9
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answered by ? 7
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you are not wrong at all. I cant believe that someone would even think it is ok to make children feel so bad and left out. That was completely wrong on thier part. Maybe she shouldnt call though. Bringing it up casually would cause less choas. Im sure she is embarrassed that they did that to your boys.
2007-01-01 16:13:57
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answer #10
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answered by the_one 2
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I think calling them now may not be the best way to handle it. I think you are completely right though. Once you get married they are all your children and should be treated equally. When her daughter got the gift is when she should have nicely said "I'm sorry but we can't accept that, it wouldn't be fair to our boys" and left it at that.
2007-01-01 16:11:56
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answer #11
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answered by dana j 4
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