How do you go about re-building the trust in a relationship when it's been destroyed??

Question

Fairly recently, my husband ( who attends classes at a local college ) recieved a rather explicted e-mail from a girl that is in that class. It descibed in detail things that they had done one night following class. My husband when confronted with the e-mail first denied knowing who the girl was, then admitted knowing her only as a class mate, then admitted that they were friends and that nothing had taken place between them. Well, a few days later there was a message that was left from this girl asking that they meet before class to talk because she was confused as to what was going on with them ( and apparently she was returning his call to inquire about meeting before class ). When asked about this situation, he again denied anything was going on with them, but still continues to talk with this girl outside of school.
I know in my heart that something has obviously gone on between the two, but how do I prove it???

Answer 1

hire a PI to follow him or call cheaters_

Answer 2

Based on the email and the message you have already proved it. The fact that your husband is denying it means that he want it to continue and has no remorse. You could take the step to hiring a PI, but I think you are just going to prove the obvious. As much as this is probably not what you want to hear, the best thing you could do for yourself right now is keep the email and the message (if you still have it), hire a lawyer, and file for divorce. Denying that anything is going on is just plain denial and you will be miserable everyday knowing what you know.

Answer 3

Do you really need to prove it? I don't think so.... If you know that something went on (and from the sound of it, you would have to be a fool to believe your husband), then it is on your husband to prove that it did not happen or to make things right between you. From experience, I will tell you that trust can not be re-built, completely. You can decide to recommit to the relationship if he has made the same decision, but I would never blindly trust someone again who had done this behind my back. He needs to live with the consequences of his betrayal and accept that you cannot trust him because he has not earned it. He needs to go to another school and cut off contact with this woman for starters.... until he does that, I would refuse to move forward with him. This is a tough one- I feel for you.

Answer 4

One day at a time, with more caution and wider open eyes than you ever had before - if you're truly interested in trying to rebuild your relationship. While I don't know your husband or the reality of his situation, I know I violated my wedding vows and brought my wife more pain and hurt I ever thought possible. Like him, it begin with a classmate and e-mail. In my case, we were taking an on-line class and became "class partners". I was living and worked in Northeastern PA, she was about 120 miles away. At no time did we ever speak by phone or meet off-line. I crossed the line when I began sending her personal e-mails, venting over issues and occurrences that were going on in our lives and our relationship - rather than facing my wife and talking to her. Like you, she found an e-mail and confronted me. Like him, I denied everything, despite the fact that she had a copy of the e-mail --- and my commentary. I eventually confessed and promised we never spoke on the phone and certainly never met off-line. She initially said she believed me and agreed we would try to work it out. Instead, she decided to get even and had an affair - the real deal, including extra-marital sex. In her mind, she was getting even with me. Long story short, she eventually came to believe she overstepped an appropriate response and that she should've tried harder to work on helping me to repair what I'd done. That was almost four years ago. We ended up breaking our marriage apart because of what we'd done to each other. I look back now and realize I made the most stupid mistake of my life because I didn't talk to the one person who meant more to me than anything else. I guess my point is - based on what you're telling in your commentary - is it doesn't appear she's showing any kind of remorse for what he's done. In your case, I don't know if you have anything left to salvage. My gut feeling is he's going to live to regret his decision and it will be far too late when he's gets to that point. Trust me, in this case, I believe he's not thinking about this with the appropriate head. I'm sorry for your trouble and hope you find the peace and stability you deserve! Good luck!

Answer 5

And what would you do with this "proof" once you have it...The trust isn't there anymore, and getting him to stop denying an affair will not make it come back.
The point is, what are you going to do now? Is this something that you can live with? You can't hold him prisoner in the bathroom forever...sooner or later, you will have to trust him again, or let him go...those are the only options. How much is he worth to you? The sooner you answer that question the better, and only you have the answer to that one.

Answer 6

From one broken heart to another. Don't believe him. Go on with your life. Once unfaithful, always unfaithful. The trust you had in him in gone and no matter how much you try to trust him again there will always be a doubt in your mind. Why he is late? Is he with someone? These questions will always be there. No one deserves to live a life like that.

I forgave my spouse of 4 years after having an affair and telling me in our bed looking straight into my eyes telling me "I am inlove with her."

One year later, he did it again. Don't let him lie his way of out it. Don't let him use the love you feel for him to hurt you again.

Pick up the pieces of your life and move on.

I hope from the bottom of my heart that you will have the strength to find someone who truly deserve to be with you.

No matter how hard one tries to rebuild trust in a relationship, it will never be enough to over an affair.

Answer 7

I totally agree with "daljack". Trust your intuition.
If you want to re-build the trust forget about the proofs.
Sit down with him and see what you and he can do to improve the relationship and make your marriage more successful.
When women gets attracted towards men, men tends to hide the facts to keep that attraction alive.
May be you need to do something so that your husband does not go fishing here and there.

Answer 8

Why do you need to prove it? If the trust is broken that's the bottom line.

What will "proving" it achieve?

You and your husband need to have a serious talk about continuing in the marriage and getting some couples therapy to achieve that.

Answer 9

How do you rebuild trust once someone else destroyed it? YOU can't--that's HIS JOB.

How can you prove it? Follow them. Then see how they interact. If you suspect anything, walk right up to her and ask her if he told her he was married. If she says no, then kick him in the balls. If she says yes, then kick him in the balls and tell her that what goes around, comes around. Then let her know that he is all hers. Hire an attorney. File for divorce. Take it ALL baby!

Answer 10

You got the proof, trust me. You are just trying to desperately hold onto the illusion that maybe - maybe - your husband is not a cheater and a liar. Sorry to say, girl, forget it. He is.

Answer 11

First, you need to get to the point past this one. If he is seeing another woman do you still want him? Are you blind and just don't see another woman in his life...