Will the divorce of my parents 22 years ago, the remarriage of my father, the recent divorce to my father's second wife, or my newly dating 60 year old father, ever stop affecting me? How do the insecurities and threatening feelings ever go away?
2007-01-01 07:57:05 · 9 answers · asked by mandiegallo 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
When YOU can let it go.
It's horrible when people divorce. My ex-husband just decided he didn't want to be married after 4 years and a son.
There was nothing I could have done.
BUT... It's nothing I did either, or anything our son did... just as there was nothing you did or didn't do to cause it.
Some people just don't have the desire to make it work.
It sucks, but it can't be changed. So you have to decide that it had nothing to do with you.
I am guessing that you are afraid to get married because of this turmoil... You should enter into marriage cautiously, but if you feel strongly that he/she would make a good life partner, and you have the same moral values, it is worth a shot.
I would suggest some counseling to help you work through it.
It's a new year... help yourself into a new frame of mind!
Good Luck!
2007-01-01 08:04:53 · answer #1 · answered by my-kids-mom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It never will. It is a part of who you are. I can understand the insecurities you feel. It is never easy to understand how someone that you love disappears from your life. When you were 4 years old, you probably didn't really realize what was happening, but knowing that someone in your family is no longer there for you like they were, is scary. Children are affected by divorce for their whole lives. Anyone who says differently is kidding themselves. There is never a guarantee that someone will be in your life forever, but when it comes to your parents, that should be the most stable relationship you ever have, and it is the first model that you have as a child. They are supposed to be your "role-models". When something happens thats turns your life upside down (parents divorcing) you can't help but wonder about future relationships, and if and when that person you have also put your trust in, will leave. You aren't the only one. You will probably always feel threatened by getting close to people in your future, but keep trying to do it. If you do stop trusting people, you will have difficulty with interpersonal relationships, and will probably feel pretty empty inside. It's scary, but you should still try to trust, regardless of your father's behavior. It is common for people to "become their parents" but you have choices, and just try to make better ones than your dad did. You are NOT him.
2007-01-01 10:33:40 · answer #2 · answered by catchernkeeper 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
None of this is any of your business...I can see how it may put an economic damper on you as a kid, but any insecurities that you may feel are well within your control now...you are an adult, act like one.
There are very few stable relationships these days. It's unfortunate that you did not have one, but few people do, and you are just going to have to get over it.
Now, if you can bring yourself to accept this or not is up to you, but you should consider that the people actually involved in your father's second marriage...like your father, and step-mother, are probably more effected by this that you are, and it may be a good thing for you to start thinking of the other people in your life as real people, not just props in your own selfish existence.
2007-01-01 08:09:50 · answer #3 · answered by Joe 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It does sound like you need some help focusing on having a life of your own. Making your own happiness, getting involved in other things besides your parents and their relationships. Learn to give yourself the love you did not get as a child. Get what you feel you need from other people, friends or family. You are missing out on too much of your life dwelling in the past. Learn to live in the moment, find a hobbie, take a class, do charity work, make a new recipe, anything. Your a grown up now start enjoying being one.
2007-01-01 09:25:21 · answer #4 · answered by sweetpea 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The insecurities and threatening feelings go away when you decide to stop letting these issues control your life. It takes a decision- the choice is yours. Instead of focusing on things that you can't control, reach out and do something that makes you feel good about yourself and keep doing things that make you a better person (go back to school, do volunteer work, help others, go for a promotion). Pretty soon, with your focus on doing good things, you won't have time to focus on things that don't matter. Your parents' mistakes are not your mistakes and you have the control to make the life you always wanted for yourself. Go do it.
2007-01-01 08:02:04 · answer #5 · answered by laura c 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will only affect you as long as you let it. You have no control of what's happened in the past, but what you do have control over is how the rest of your life is going to be and you can choose to let the past bring you down or you can do something about it and get over it and enjoy your life. It may take a lot of counseling or it could be as simple as saying screw this, I'm moving on and taking charge of my life, it just depends on what kind of person you are and how bad you really want it. The past ruined your past, why let it ruin your future. Hey whadda ya know, you can start today! Good luck.
2007-01-01 08:04:47 · answer #6 · answered by rock55 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my parents got divorced when i was four also. you just have to realize that your parents are people too and they deserve to be happy just as much as you or anyone else. trust me, it would have been much more detrimental to you if they had stayed together and been unhappy. your father's new interests will never replace your mother and he probably doesn't intend for them to. be happy for him. at his age, i can't imagine that a whole lot even brings him happiness anymore. if he can make the last few years of his life that much better, then let him. i don't think anyone gets married with the intent to get divorced in a few years and i'm sure your parents gave it their best shot. be happy for them.
2007-01-01 08:04:16 · answer #7 · answered by megansa0811 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Err.. don't let it get to you? You have your right to live your own life and just maintain a relationship with your parents no matter the circumstances?
Perhaps go get counselling to discuss it to see how you can get over it.. Perhaps tell your parents that it also affects you and talk it through on its effects
2007-01-01 08:00:18 · answer #8 · answered by lyssaria 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will go away but you'll need some outside help.
Find a good therapist and make this the year you help heal yourself.
It can happen.....good luck.
2007-01-01 08:01:07 · answer #9 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋