My ex-husband and I are discussing custody issues for our 14 year old daughter. He is moving to another state and wants me to move into his house and take care of the child. I am telling him to send the child to me. I live in another state.
He mentioned in an e-mail today that his aunt was saying about our child that
"She is the loser in this situation. She has had a bad childhood and bad life."
I feel bad because I left and maybe I am the cause of her bad life and childhood. I mentioned to him in the e-mail that he has sole physical and legal custody so he should take the responsibility of making her into a successful person.
He keeps pointing the finger at me and saying that I ruined her life and childhood. I feel sad and disheartened in that I could not even take proper care of my child. I know though if I was with her I could not take care of her as a normal mother would due to his control.
2007-01-01 07:55:20 · 10 answers · asked by Stareyes 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Whatever took place in the past between you and your ex, has now separated you from your daugther. And I am sure it has been years since this has taken place.
Moving into your ex's house is not going to make the situation go away. He blames you for your daughter's bad childhood but what role does he play in this? And if you are doubting yourself as a mother, then you are really better off staying where you are at now.
However, I do encourage that you do build a relationship with your daughter. But if you were to move out of your comfort zone and try to walk in your ex's shoes and become this super mom. I fear that you will lose yourself and then start blaming your ex for putting you in a situation that you already did not feel comfortable about. And again your daughter will lose again. So who would be the blame for hurt the second time around.
I think you are better off staying where you are. Raise your daughter in your environment and build from there. Being a parent is a parentership. So in reality both of you are responsible for the outcome of your daughter.
Good luck
2007-01-01 08:09:38 · answer #1 · answered by Tired of being Mr. Nice 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You mean you don't want your own child, maybe if you take her and try to act like a Mother to her , she could be a changed child. I know a 14 year old is a handful but she is your daughter and I guess some people just don't have the same feeling for their children. I guess some do some don't, some will some want.
2007-01-01 09:01:17 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Talk about finger pointing. Does it really matter whose fault it is? What should matter here , between the two of you is your daughters happiness. You can play the he said, she said, she did, he did games but its not going to solve the problem. You both are still her parents regardless of your situation. She needs both of you for various parts of her life. She doesnt care if her parents are playing the blame game. All she knows is her parents are feuding and probably blames herself for you two. What you two do behind her back is your business but when she is with either of you, then she should be treated as numero uno. Kids growing up nowadays is hard enough, they dont need outside bad issues influencing her. You can be a mother to your daughter when he is not around. Just do the mother-daughter talks/things with her, itll do wonders. Just worry about your time when youre with her and let her dad worry about his time. Your daughter needs you more than you realize, so help her and shell be alright. Good luck
2007-01-01 08:15:28 · answer #3 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Even though you are divorced and he has "legal" custody, you are still the child's mother. You, too, are "responsible for making her into a successful person." I can't imagine that you think you don't have a responsibility in that.
Think more about your child's needs than your own.
2007-01-01 08:00:38 · answer #4 · answered by rachkw81 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Why is your child not with you...why not live in the same state so you can share custody...she is 14 and I am sure she is a normal 14 yr old. I would not worry about it_
2007-01-01 07:59:12 · answer #5 · answered by Chickybabe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A certain amount of guilt is probably normal in your situation, but as you pointed out yourself, he is the sole care-giver of your daughter, not you. Don't buy into his attempts to shift the blame for his poor parenting onto you, when you're not even around.
2007-01-01 08:02:16 · answer #6 · answered by Liz 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That poor baby. Doesn't she have anyone that can take care of her? I understand the control issue. That is why I won't leave my husband until my daughter is raised. Do what you have to do to take care of her.
2007-01-01 08:01:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Do your daughter a favor - don't go anywhere near her. You refer to her as "the child". She needs to be with her dad, or anyone that cares anything about her.
2007-01-01 08:00:37 · answer #8 · answered by NAN G 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Why did you give up your child to begin with? If he's controlling, why is she with him and not you?
2007-01-01 08:51:50 · answer #9 · answered by lookinforanswers 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
just let him be
2007-01-01 08:00:29 · answer #10 · answered by MissyFlexsy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋