I am a relatively small female with a husband who over the past 2 to 3 years has literally let himself go physically. He is fat and even has female type breasts. He gets mad at me all the time because I don't want to have sex, but when I mention something about his weight, he tells me to get an attorney then. He's good to me and his kids, but I am SOOOO not attracted to him anymore. I love him, but not in the physical way. I get flirted with all the time, and I have tried so hard not to do anything "illegal" in the marriage realm, but it is hard. How can I get him to lose weight and care???? Or, should I just get a divorce and risk a big custody battle with my kids?
2007-01-01 07:35:43 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
A marriage should never be based on how one looks, because looks are the first thing to go!
I understand how you feel, as my husband is also overweight. I would never divorce him or have an affair because of it.
All you can do is offer healthier food choices at mealtimes. Don't buy junk food. Keep fresh fruits on the counter and hope he will get the hint. At our house, my husband and I have both dieted together. I can't control what he eats outside the home, but I can control what I bring into the house.
Your sex life isn't everything. Is he kind to you? A good provider? Treats the kids well? Those are more important things. Stay away from the flirting, it is a dangerous game and easy to fall into the temptation.
2007-01-01 07:41:32 · answer #1 · answered by mar 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
It sounds to me like you really care about your husband & family. When you & he have some private time I'd directly tell him how you feel, and ask him why he's gained weight - and also ask him how *he* feels about it. If you approach it from the standpoint that you care about him & his health, he can't really argue the point. Perhaps you could suggest that he get a physical - sometimes the results from the tests can be enough to propel someone into action. By being supportive (not saying you haven't been, btw) & if he is mature about it he will hopefully respond in a positive way. Legal action seems kind of drastic to me (but I am not in your shoes) at this point. I wish you good luck!
2007-01-01 07:44:10 · answer #2 · answered by curious! 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you really love him you will try to help him. Going to court over his weight is a very superficial thing and you will not look good in front of a judge for that. I would think real hard about it before you do something extreme and risk losing your kids.
2007-01-01 07:41:22 · answer #3 · answered by ♦ Phoenix Rising♦ 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your husband is not going to go to the gym because you have basically told him you don't love him fat (even though you promised to love him in sickness and in health). Poor guy. He probably does not like his physique either, but he is now upset that you don't love him. That probably fuels his eating habit. He is in a no-win situation. My advice to you is this: tell him you love him, have sex with him and get over it or go get an attorney. He'll lose alot of unnecessary weight by getting rid of you.
2007-01-01 07:39:36 · answer #4 · answered by ssc 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I feel for you, In my case i am the heavy one, but still try to lose my "Enhancement" as I call it.
I know I am loved with the extra weight, maybe your hubby is actually a bit angry and hurt if you nag him on his weight. If he thinks you are making fun of him he may end up just getting upste an gaining more weight. I know I tend to eat when upset or hurt. Try cooking healthier, healthier snacks and taking him on walks with you. Trust me every little bit helps. And remind him that you love him, and not just his physical appearance.
2007-01-01 07:49:50 · answer #5 · answered by MintyLass* 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, Tough one..But I thought that Men would do many things to be sexy in the eyes of their partners..
May be you are saying it the worng way, i mean if someone comes and tell you, hey FLAT UNSEXY, i dont think you would do anything, you will become too stubborn to act, so..say it INDIRECTLY and act upon it..reduce the amoutn of food together, go to the gym together,,i dont know..u know your conditon better,, just convince him ..INDIRECTLY..
My boyfriend is a little bit fat..he wants to lose weight, he just dont want to do the effort,,,i bought a dog( he adores dogs) and i ask him everyday to walk the dog..the dog runs..and he runs..i believe in one month, he will lose the weight HE wants to lose..
Second..Dont file for divorce for god sake,,all problems can b solved as long as he is good to you and the kids (U HAVE KIDS)..
Men are also usually sensitive when a woman is weak, and asking for something gently...try this also..
2007-01-01 07:46:58 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Letting ourselves go to crap physically can be nothing but laziness and lack of motivation.....it can also be severe depression. Find out which one it is before you take action, because what you do should depend on what is best for your husband as well as the rest of the family. Maybe you could talk to his Doctor privately, he won't be able to break confidentiality, but informing him of your concerns in regard to your husbands health may cause him to address the issue with your husband, maybe scare him into doing right by his body....
2007-01-01 07:54:49 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is a complex issue and yet not so complicated for others. First of, I think everyone whos overweight and dont want to loose the extra weight is selfish. 2 its not that they dont love people around them but i think they just love their food better and finally, they are incosiderate as they dont want to understand how their life style affects people around them. I think you are entittled to do as you please, sometimes enough is enough and you cant go through life caring about someone who dont care about you and thats how everyone can get what they want. sorry about my harsh answer but i feel your pain and we all deserve better.
2007-01-01 08:26:12 · answer #8 · answered by monreve_2000 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Call me.... No really, I feel for you. He deserves the results of however you decide to deal with this situation. Sex is very important in a marriage. He is not pulling his weight (pun intended) in trying to be pleasing to you sexually. He is selfish and he is not doing what it takes to maintain your marriage. He lives yoou with little choice. Good Luck.
2007-01-01 07:38:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
don't nag him about it...sit down and have a serious conversation about the issue...how much you love him and how you want him to be around for a lot of years.....perhaps if you handle it the right way he will pay attention and not get angry or defensive...help him...good luck
2007-01-01 07:39:15 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋