The addictions are mentally hurting the family. ...through sickness and in health. HOW does one stay married like this, without being miserable their whole lives?
2007-01-01 06:53:34 · 14 answers · asked by krymarbet 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The happily will come from living in separate abodes.
Try it. You may be surprised at how quickly they re-think their addictions once they see you mean business.
Good luck.
2007-01-01 06:57:26 · answer #1 · answered by blue.green_eyes 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
My husband and I both deal with addictive personalities. He is 8 years younger than me, and not the father of my 2 children - so sometimes I wonder if he knows or cares as much as I do about getting help and making sure that we make choices that are moving us in the right direction, but at least I'm able to talk to him about these things, and when it comes right down to it he wants the same things I do - a happy family - so I focus on the positive for him and myself and make sure I'm living in the solution.
2007-01-01 21:54:51 · answer #2 · answered by 8 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One does not happily live with harmful addictions. "My husband likes to punch me in the face every once in a while! The last few times he's done this, he's broken my nose and knocked 3 teeth out! How do I adjust to his behavior?"
You don't! He needs help.
"My wife likes to snort cocaine when I'm at work. When I get home, she's crazy, and we fight a lot. How do I adjust to this behavior?"
You don't! She needs help!
You need to get this spouse into some professional care before the bad habits hurt everyone involved or connected!
Would you tolerate it if you found out that your partner was a serial bank robber?
Of course not! That would make you an accessory!
Insist that your partner get help, or turn it over to professionals. (I would simply turn it over to professionals.)
Genuine love doesn't allow the loved person to hurt themselves, you, or other loved ones!
My son's mother is a food addict. She also has SERIOUS control issues. The last time I saw Nancy, she is roughly 4 times her hwp body weight! She is KILLING herself with food! Which means she won't be around for her son! She needs an intervention, because she won't help herself! And when I realized that she wasn't going to get help, I got out!
Good luck! I'll be praying for you!
2007-01-01 15:10:17 · answer #3 · answered by John1212 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know about the happily part, but if the actions of the addictive personality are harmful and hurtful or dangerous towards the kids, then it's your job to protect the kids.
2007-01-01 15:04:50 · answer #4 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You check out your honey before you hitch....to see if you not only have love but companionship and to see their real personality....failure to notice or to take the time to figure out their spouse before you hitch is not the their spouses failure......the spouse already knows who they are....
Addictive personalities are usually pretty easy to spot....
Too many women overlook things or think they can change bad boys............well they don't change cause they know you already know them and already accept them as they currently are....
People only change their behavior when it leads to no reward....you refuse to kiss spouse unless they brush teeth or pop a mint..........they change or elso no reward......
Their addiction gives them enough reward that they continue....make the addiction unrewarding and costly.....too many people need a judge to tell them change or go to jail....others respect their spouses enough to listen and try to work it out.........catch a few shows of Judge Judy...she not only tell the bad behavior person off and she asks the other party ...."how do let this happen"
You either have an intervention with as many people as possible so they can't hid the problem....or you leave the situation. and move on..........or just accept it
good luck
2007-01-01 15:14:33 · answer #5 · answered by Jonathan L 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is very difficult. Addictions are a family diease, therefore you deserve help even if your partner is not. Depending on the addiction try Al-Anon, Nar-anon, city mental health clinics...Good luck and remember we have no control over what someone else does.
2007-01-01 15:06:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Guess what you do not live happy ever after, I know after 33 yrs. of crap you will be miserable till you draw that line in the sand. Yes I know, I went down fighting to keep it all together, I tried so hard, now I'm moving on. Here's a little saying for you to remember...."misery LOVES company"
2007-01-01 15:02:59 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If it is hurting the kids, get out. You can go to groups that may help you.I got into a postion where my kids were removed by the state and wouldn't be returned unless HE was out of the house. Think about safety and self esteem for the kids.I wouldn't want your family torn apart because of his behavior. Remember that you can not change someone else's behavior, but you can change you own. Good luck.
2007-01-01 15:00:19 · answer #8 · answered by nancy e 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sorry, but I have been in your shoes and can tell you after thousands in therapy and divorce attorneys, it will leave a mark. Just try and remember that you are not the addict but that behavior is addictive in itself and I believe you can become "addicted" to that person. Try and be strong. It is VERY hard. Common sense and a clear head will help.
2007-01-01 14:58:44 · answer #9 · answered by lamy 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
More details would help. Tell him he needs to get some counseling for his mental abuse, if he refuses.....you take the kids and go. Kids do not need to grow up with this abuse as it will affect them later on down the road.
2007-01-01 15:07:09 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋