My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years. We moved in together 4 years ago and since the very first day he has been verbally abusive. He has demanded that I leave at least 4 times per year. When I do, He always asks me to come back and says he's sorry and didn't mean it. He is usually drinking at the time and seldom remembers what he says to me. He is verbally demeaning to me each time he drinks. He promised that he would change, but so far he has only gotten worse. Do you think he will or CAN change?
2007-01-01 06:34:10 · 28 answers · asked by sisi 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It is possible but thats something only he can make the choice of doing. Sounds like as long as he keeps drinking he will always stay that way and eventually yes it could turn into physical abuse. The only way he's going to change is if he agrees and has the waant to change. He needs to quit drinking. My dad verbally abused my mom when i was little and it was only when he was drunk or drinking too...eventually he beat her and me. Its not something to play around with or something u can say will change because it wont until he decides he wants to change.
Once he decides he wants to change then you will have to help him quit drinking because he will need your support. I am the same way when im drunk, have had ppl tell me how horrible i act, and i decided its best for everyone, and me that i quit drinking. He CAN change..he just has to WANT to.
2007-01-01 06:43:12 · answer #1 · answered by JMan 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your boyfriend is an Alcoholic. Once he admits he is an Alcoholic and says he WANTS to change and HE NEEDS help then and only then will he (maybe ) change. An Alcoholic has to hit bottom and realize he has a problem. No matter what you or anyone else tries to do for him it is not going to do any good. All of your efforts will be a waste of time. The best thing you can do is hope he hits bottom, realizes it and hope he ask for help. Then all you can do is "support" him by going to meetings with him. If you tell him he needs help he will most likely tell you you are wrong etc and this will just make matters worse. HE CAN CHANGE , buut ONLY because HE WANTS TO, not because YOU want him to.
2007-01-01 16:37:35 · answer #2 · answered by nickle 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in a verbally and physically abusive relationship for 3 years. I know your situation all too well. I would say that without professional help, they will never change. They will promise and promise with no results. That is what keeps you there, the hope that ONE day it will all be fine. He will not change until he is READY to change and odds are he can't change on his own. AND YOU CAN'T CHANGE HIM! If he really wants to change, he will take the steps to find help.
2007-01-01 14:55:40 · answer #3 · answered by aka_little_bit_21 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is probably an alcoholic. His abuse is caused by his consumption of alcohol. He is likely sincere when he apologizes but he cannot help but drink again so long as his alcoholism is active. Go to an Al-Anon meeting (support for family and friends of alcoholics) to get some feedback and support. You will learn what alcohol does to the alcoholic and why it is an incurable disease. The good news is that it can be arrested. Check into rehab programs in your area or at least see if he will go to AA.At the very least get him a copy of the AA Big Book. It is available at AA meetings.
2007-01-01 14:39:26 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its funny most people dont understand how people stay in situtations like abuse, but I did for 18 years, and finally had enough, but the abuse is still there, now that were no longer together he has stripped me of everything from our house, all my material posessions that I own, and the most important my children, abuse can come in many forms, but I really feel verbal is the number one source of it all, you deserve alot more respect, dont be like me and wait 18-2- years to realize it, I'm not one to tell anyone to leave a relationship especially with some time under their belt, BUT DO YOU LOVE YOURSELF ENOUGH, DOES YOUR MATE REALLY LOVE YOU? IF SO,,,,,,,,
2007-01-01 15:48:29 · answer #5 · answered by raquelwright36 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think people like that can change. He might have to seek professional help, maybe go to an AA meeting. It sounds to me like he has a drinking problem. If it gets worst, get out fast and don't look back. Going back and forth in a relationship is not health. It might be love, but don't think that's a normal relationship.
2007-01-01 14:52:55 · answer #6 · answered by smallfry912 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
stop him from drinking on every occasion that he does. Take him to an AA meeting. Tell him to go to meetings once per day for 90 days. If he doesn't see that he may have a problem by then, leave him. People can change but it takes drastic measures for them to.
2007-01-01 14:45:08 · answer #7 · answered by creerhnter 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he will not change ....He is abusive and always will be....If he was drinking everytime he has been abusive ,then he is one of those kind that can,t drink alcohol....I do not belive for one minute he don,t remember what he does when he is drinking....I don,t drink now,but I have in the past,and I could be drunk as a skunk,and you always remember what you did,maybe not every word but trust me ,you don,t loose your mind when you drink,you just get nasty,he is a nasty drunk....As you aid hes getting worse,pretty soon he will be getting phyical.....I would not stick around. I was married once to a abusive man,he was alwys leaving,the third time he was going to leave,I packed his bags for him and sit tem outside on the porch...when he cmae home he wanted to know what was going on....I told him well you are alawys leaving and always threatening to leave so leave and don,t come back..That was 5 years ago...I understand he did his other wife like that and she never left,just took his abuse and she got cancer and died,and thats when I met him..I believe in my heart he caused her to have cancer due to stress....so i would leave and Not come back,he could begg until his tongue hung out...You don,t need this in your life..Lifes to short to put up with all that crap,NO he will not change...Forget counseling it didn,t work for my x and it won,t work for yours,cause they always are sorry but never change.......................
2007-01-01 15:04:09 · answer #8 · answered by slickcut 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust me, I know. Abuse always gets worse unless the abuser takes very serious steps, counseling, anger management classes, etc, to change. This happens rarely, as most abusers do not feel they are abusive. Good luck, dear!
2007-01-01 17:07:02 · answer #9 · answered by Susan S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only if he wants to and if this has been going on for four years he does not want to. Every time you go back you are letting him know he does not have to change because you are accepting him as is.
2007-01-01 14:48:37 · answer #10 · answered by puzzled 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋