What do you think of this poem? What is a good word to replace "texture"?

Question

The Value of Experience

What is the sound,
That the weary leaves make,
As they rustle in the wind,
On an autumn day?

What is the smell,
Of your mother’s old sweater,
Caressed weekly by Tide ™,
To remove tearstains and pizza sauce?

What is the texture,
Of a newly sharpened pencil,
On the day of the test,
As it rolls down your graffiti laden desk?

What is the sight,
Of the pathway back home,
To a traveler who’s lost,
In the labyrinth of a two star motel?

What is the feeling,
Of your feet on the floor,
As you roll out of bed,
And make contact with a new day

Though adjectives are useful things
and a picture’s worth a thousand
Some things just can't be described
You simply have to try them

Answer 1

This point is really good. To tell you the truth I like it ending without the final paragraph. I think it takes from the images the poem evokes.

The only thing I can say is that you have to decide whether your intention was to capture the senses or if that was merely coincidental. Obviously, you are missing taste. In this case you can say something regarding the taste of a chewed up sharpened pencil, which may imply a certain level of anxiety (an experience). If you like it the way it is without playing on the senses fully (and I think it is really good) you may want to replace the word texture with "movement"? In a silent room the movement of a rolling pencil can sound like thunder. Happy writing. Hope my suggestions helped.

Trish

Answer 2

I liked your poem. It is unique and better than many that I have seen posted here.

It is interesting because your poem has five parts (plus the wrap up) and there are five senses. Sight, sound, smell, touch, taste.

I was trying to think of a word that involves taste, so you can have all five senses included in your poem. I couldn't think of any, but I really like the image of the pencil.

I liked what the other answerer said: "sound". What about "echo" or "noise"

maybe the first stanza can be whisper instead of sound?

Keep up the good work!

Answer 3

Texture is a great word! Why replace it? Texture creates feeling in pencil works. Artists often express felling through texture so I think that the word works well in the poem.
Take care.

Answer 4

Wow, this poem is really good! Did you write it? If you did that's amazing! I think texture fits well but if you want to change it I suggest What is the Fineness or What is the touch. Good Luck and you are an awesome writer!

Answer 5

i reall ylikethe poem. maybe you can use feeling instead of texture. or this might sound dumb, but i always think of the smell of a nely sharpened pencil . when we take those big standerized tests, the smell of the pencil reminds me of it. its crazy, i know, but still

Answer 6

I liked the poem.

The only word I could htink of was "sound" but maybe I missed the point (no pun intended!)

Answer 7

what a great poem! your point is very clearly expressed. for "texture," i would use feeling or contact maybe...that is a tough one...nice job!

Answer 8

nice poem...

for texture, cadence sould be a better word.

Answer 9

'Timbre' and I would say "as it swishes across the virgin white paper' - and I like the poem!