He fed upon my heart's desire
And hungered for my trust
Consumed by his entising words
I'm drawn away by lust
This dragon of Gomorrah
Inpaled his poisoned barb
Deceiving me so I'd believe
A beast in angel garb
(unpublished author)
copyright 2001
2007-01-01 05:53:14 · 11 answers · asked by Average Joe 3 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
One thing I like about this poem is the variety of responses you got from people. It suggests that the poem can be understood on more than one level - not just the surface. I agree with the person who said they liked the cadence. I'm not worried about the change in tense noted by another answerer - it gives the sense of being in the now as well as reflecting on the past. Intentionally, or not, it also suggests that, despite understanding "his" true nature, lust still prevails. Makes you have to think a bit. Thanks for sharing it.
2007-01-01 07:36:27 · answer #1 · answered by c'mon, cliffy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Very good - but you have a few typos:
He fed upon my heart's desire
And hungered for my trust
Consumed by his enticing words
I'm drawn away by lust
This dragon of Gomorrah
Impaled his poisoned barb
Deceiving me so I'd believe
A beast in angel garb"
Also, there's a tense switch in line 4:
"I'm drawn away by lust" - all the other verbs are in the past and that might distract some readers.
Maybe
"I was drawn by lust" instead?
2007-01-01 06:05:39 · answer #2 · answered by johnslat 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You have a nice poem there that can be transformed into a Rock song easily.
I am an established author having had two of my poems published.
My name is Aldo Rosado
You can read my poems online by typing in my name or going to http://www.poetry.com and type in my poets name Aldo Rosado
2007-01-01 05:56:46 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
It's not really to my taste... but it seems to have good quality. I think it's enticing....not entising, but I'm not positive. The rhythm is great!!
2007-01-01 06:47:45 · answer #4 · answered by mzoo 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's very good !! I write myself and I'd give it a 10 !!
2007-01-01 05:55:40 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Very good. I like the imagery.
2007-01-01 06:00:21 · answer #6 · answered by chrstnwrtr 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Chicken soup for the poetic soul...! wonderful!! keep it up!!
2007-01-01 06:16:24 · answer #7 · answered by rufiboy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
dark. sinister. wise. beautifully expressed. i like!
2007-01-01 05:56:37 · answer #8 · answered by big 'z' 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
do not give up the day job.
2007-01-01 05:55:57 · answer #9 · answered by SKYDOGSLIM 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
incredible!-do everything you can to get yourself published . do you have more?
2007-01-01 05:56:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋