We have had money troubles for a few years and i have been trying to deal with finances.We decided in the summer to sell the house we are in and get a cheaper house paying off debts.On chrimbo day she announced she wasn't moving to the new house(in a couple of weeks)but taking the kids and living in rented accommodation as she didn't love me anymore.All this comes after similar events last xmas which she put down to money troubles,we managed to get through the year.This is after 9 years together in which i brought up her daughter and dealt with her severe post natal depression after the births of our 2 kids.I'm moving into my new house soon but i don't know whether to heal my wounds and try to forget about her and concentrate on my kids or hold onto feelings as i still love her to bits and see if time apart might help the relationship.
2007-01-01 05:48:50 · 43 answers · asked by head up guy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Right now you need to leave her alone. Don't try and convince her to stay and move with you to the new house, this will be a mistake. Concentrate on the kids. If she loves you (which she probably does) then she will come around. A lot of the stresses you mentioned could have put a huge damper on your relationship. Give her space and in the meantime, try and work on the problem you have in your own life. Good luck!
2007-01-01 05:51:51 · answer #1 · answered by Lori E 4 · 4⤊ 2⤋
If she had severe post natal depression, perhaps she still is depressed and not thinking clearly. I had post natal depression and you do some stupid stuff, I was always thinking that I should get something better in life, such as a better partner or life. I always blamed him for everything, but it's only after you come through it, you realise how silly you were. Well it isn't silly really because a person can not help being depressed it's an illness. Perhaps you should let her go for a while and when she realises that life on her own with 2 children really isn't that easy she may come back to you. Have a break from each other and see what happens. Ask her why she doesn't love you? I know life can be very difficult with financial problems and I'm not surprised she has got stressed about it. Maybe if you spllit and get the finances in order she can come back when they are all sorted. I'mm sure she will find being on her own, as a single mother extremely hard, so give it time. I just noticed that you are bringing up her child from another relationship too, ask her or even him why that relationship broke up, I bet that was because of depression too. She should see a councilor for it, it's hell living with depression, hell for all of you.
2007-01-01 05:59:06 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell her you love her,
Move into the new house,
Create a beautiful home,
Continue to be a loving father,
Don't put any pressure on her-
Keep your new home tidy and presentable-Don't ask her to be with you out of pity.
Keep your appearance presentable-
She married you for a reason,
Post natal depression is a killer, it changes how you feel- and that changes day to day.
It's my feeling that she just needs space-
Offer to have the children overnight so she can meet friends.
Give her as much freedom as possible, cos that's the worst thing about postnatal depression-Its so overwhelming you feel like you have no freedom.
Make sure that you provide support for the children and do your best.
I'm 100% certain that providing no-one else is involved she will come back to you.
Good luck
2007-01-01 05:56:35 · answer #3 · answered by Elle J Morgan 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
When someone asks you for time out, the best you can do is to give it to them.
Feelings are so complicated. Specially if things have been so bad in the past, on all fronts.
She does need space, but don't give up on her if you still love her.
She is going through all the colour of the rainbows, experiencing freedom, happyness, guilt, anger,... eventually when she has calmed down, she may realized that she still loves you.
I don't know how long it might take, everybody is different.
Whatever you choose to do tough, please do not give up on your children, and if you have respected her in the past, try not to change that, and keep communicating for the children.
It's so important;
It's so easy to get carried away, throw accusations, use the children...
Good luck.
2007-01-01 06:11:55 · answer #4 · answered by Kc 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
you have to talk to her she might be just tired ... remember
A good marriage is an intimate and loving relationship which gives both partners security, friendship, companionship, support, comfort, and deep love that penetrates every aspect of life. None of this can be achieved without work and sacrifice.
Marriage may be compared to a plant that requires daily nurture, daily attention, daily care and cultivation. It will not develop of its own accord; only as effort and will are exerted will it grow and mature. For a marriage to succeed, both husband and wife must be committed to its success. They must build an enduring love relationship that is centered in the heart of their consciousness. Their relationship must be nurtured with the water of loyalty and love.
2007-01-01 06:08:12 · answer #5 · answered by Me 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She's lost it for you, sorry. After years of overspending, perhaps to compensate for not loving you, for some time? she's not prepared to accept the more realistic house, you've now had to be realistic, so this says heaps, about her.
she's private renting? where's the money coming from? in the longer term...you, and you'll probably loose your new house over paying her bills, because "theyre your kids she's bringing up".
by private renting, she can get a nice house, quick....all she wants. She's got no way of paying for it long term. Im sorry, you still love her, and seem "sole mates" still, but you act now, re kids, custardy, and finances, NOT later.
She will change pretty quickly when she meets the next bloke.
This sounds harsh, i dont know her/you....but ive seen it, done it, and you are asking the question, i'm advising you, in your interests.
2007-01-01 06:00:32 · answer #6 · answered by ben b 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Seems to me that she is using money problems as an excuse. Maybe her depression runs deeper than either of you realize. Maybe you should seek counseling together and get to the root of the problem. My husband and I have also had finiancial difficulties, but it makes us stronger. We both know how we stand on our finances. Sure, sometimes it can be rough, but if you are both in on the financial aspect of your marriage, it makes it a lot easier if you have each other's shoulders to lean on. I hope everything works out the way you want it to.
2007-01-01 05:58:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Concentrate on your children. You cant make her love you. Maybe one day she will come and say it was a mistake and you could work on it. Maybe she will never look back but either way its not worth the heartache to you or the kids to stay in this situation or keep fighting for something that wasnt meant to be.
2007-01-01 06:04:05 · answer #8 · answered by troys_wifey2003 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I would move into the new house and enjoy every second that you spend with your children. I sounds like there is more then money problems and she is not telling you the truth...maybe you both just need a break...or maybe it was ment to happen this way and you will find someone who will love you just as much as you love them_
2007-01-01 05:53:07 · answer #9 · answered by Chickybabe 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Awww bless ya mate.I would move into the house and see what happens...Bet you a tenner when she sees you sorting yourself out and only concentrating on the kid's,she will want you back.Mark my words she seems too interested in money it don't even seem like she has got someone else she just seems pissed off due to lack of money
2007-01-01 05:53:38 · answer #10 · answered by snikleback 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋