We have been together for 6 years, I never thought he would do this to me. He was hiding a cell phone from me for about 3 weeks before I found it and about her. I called and told her husband. I have told everyone about it. I know he is not talking to her anymore but I can't get over it. As far as I know they were not having sex but he did kiss her, and that is cheating to me. Hell just talking to her is cheating to me, They were talking 10 to 15 times a day. I don't know what to do . I don't fell the same way about him anymore. I love him but, I can't get over it. Is this me just looking for a easy way out? He is REALY trying to make it work.
2007-01-01 05:26:09 · 32 answers · asked by SunShine 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I wonder if would be trying to make it work if you had not caught him and how far would the relationship have gone?
I am glad you told her husband and everyone, things will not impove if not brought out into the daylight,
It might be time for marriage therapy or something good luck
2007-01-01 05:30:09 · answer #1 · answered by picture 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all why is he hiding a cell phone from you??? That is what should tip you off that he is doing something wrong. I consider kissing a form of cheating as well because sometimes a kiss is more intimate that sex. If you do not feel the same way and there is no hope that you will again LEAVE! I am sure you are a good person and you can have someone that truly respects and loves you. You do not need to put up with that kind of BS!! Once a cheat always a cheat. I know from experience. It might hurt like hell but get out! Good luck!
2007-01-01 05:33:14 · answer #2 · answered by Darling girl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Girl, he bought a cell phone and HID it from you to be able to talk to her?
No No No. This is cheating plain and clear he may not have completed it, but the full intention was there.
Once the trust is broken it is very hard to get back, Im not saying it cant be done but you have to open and willing to try if you are going to have a chance at getting over this.
You are not looking for an easy way out of this, he left the door wide open and now you have the choice of trying to close it together or walking out of it.
Spend some time alone and really think about what you want here. Can you forgive him for this? Do you want to? Can you ever feel the same and trust him again?
Good Luck
2007-01-01 05:34:58 · answer #3 · answered by just_trump_my_ace 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just because they had not gone further then a kiss, does not mean they would not have. And a Kiss IS cheating. I would make him move out for now, and tell him the only way back in is through counseling, and he has to EARN your trust. Personally, I do not think he will come back after moving out, but, is it really worth living in a house with no trust? For no matter what is said or done, there will never be the level of trust that is required in a strong marriage. I would also contact a lawyer and make sure that he does not clean out the bank account before you do anything else. I have been in your shoes before, and from experience, I can say, no matter what the promise, they will do it again. Good luck.
2007-01-01 05:43:06 · answer #4 · answered by Common Sense 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The simple truth is that, if they were talking 10-15 times per day, they've had sex. Is this woman a friend of yours or a stranger? It seems that maybe both of you are looking for a way out. This could be the silver lining in the cloud--you both have a good reason to finally call it quits. Life's too short. If you're going to always wonder about your husband's conduct, call it quits. Things will never be the same. And, for him,the first time's the hardest. Cheating will come easily now.
2007-01-01 05:33:00 · answer #5 · answered by rickmcconaghy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry, what a nightmare. If you have kids with him then I think you need to take this very seriously as a wake up call to fix your marriage. Some men are cheaters, they don't need a reason, but others usually have a reason. Maybe you need to go to counseling and figure out what's wrong in your relationship that you and he can work at it? Are you a nag? Do you do nice things for him? Do you admire him and make him feel like a man? Marriage is sometimes a lot of hard work, and if there are kids involved, then you need to give it a try, otherwise, maybe this is the time to move on?
2007-01-01 05:32:03 · answer #6 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok, yes it is cheating. Even if he didnt have sex with her, he still shared a relationship of some sorts. They probably shared intimate details of each other. Private thoughts..so on and so forth. Any time your partner goes to some one else besides you with this kind of info, it is cheating....because....he is sharing something with some one else...and not with you. I have been in this situation before. He hid the cell phone from you which goes to show he felt guilty, so yes then there was something there. You might have to comes to terms with the fact that he may have had some feelings for this woman. Reacting on them however like he did shows immaturity. If you chose to stay with him, he needs to be aware that you may never fully trust him again. Also, you are going to always be asking questions...........he needs to answer them. He also needs to accept the fact that it will take you a long time to get over this, no matter how much it drives him crazy. Hope this helps.
2007-01-01 06:05:28 · answer #7 · answered by katienebraska 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he was trying so hard to make it work,why was he talking 10-15 times a day to her....im sorry but the reason you are having a hard time with this is because he broke your trust.When you don,t have trust in a relationship it is over as far as i am concerned....Now you love him,but don,t trust him thats the problem...Yes you are right he was cheating....If he was serious about the relation ship with you he wouldnt be out there talking to other women...........I do,t know what you can do,alla i know isnow that he has done this you will always be looking over your shoulder and not trusting him.I always have felt if they cheat once,they will do it again....Good luck
2007-01-01 05:55:12 · answer #8 · answered by slickcut 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, first,he was wrong to kiss her or anything else, but then a kiss isnt screwing her either. Big difference, even if it doesnt feel like it. I do not blame you for being very mad and upset and pissed off. As far as not feeling the same way, well, that is very understandable.
But, true to my own, I have to advise you of the following things too.
Maybe he is only working at it to get you calmed. But he may also be very sorry for what he did. He is the only one who knows that, for you will only be able to judge that based in part on what you wish to think or feel.
Next, you do have to be honest and ask/answer yourself, did you go things or fail to do things that might easily have contributed to this situation. In other words, many people think they can treat the spouse badly, demand or use them, etc, or cut them off or use sex as a tool, then get mad when the mate cheats.
Since we dont know either of you or how you are, it is easy to feel he is dirt right now from on here. But, you and he both know how you each are and what your marriage is like. Are each of you actually trying to be good mates or are you just giving the other justifications for wrong?
2007-01-01 05:51:54 · answer #9 · answered by Mr. JW 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, remember this is an adult man you are dealing with. And if they were talking 10 and 15 times a day then I find it very hard to believe that they didn't sleep together. But I promise you, you will never fully get over it you will always remember it if you stay with him. You'll find yourself looking through his phone, wallet, e-mail accounts. Always nervous that you are going to find something bad. So it will be an endless cycle of pain. I'm sorry, but the guy is obviously a dog. Just cut your losses and move on you'll be happier that way.
2007-01-01 05:33:07 · answer #10 · answered by ProudToBeWhite 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋