Why don't married men do housework if both people work?

Question

I find that since I've been married he does none of the daily stuff. No cooking, no bathrooms, no laundry, no shopping. etc. Yes, guys he makes the most money in the relationship but I don't understand why that equates to the more he makes the less he does at home. I work and commute and would like a break from the grind.

Yes, he has said he thinks it's woman's work

I feel like if I had more free time I could devote it to my career like he is able to

No children, I got the idea pretty early on I would be solely responsible for this as well

Yes, guys he does the outside stuff. But that's not a daily or weekly thing.

Answer 1

Sounds like you got the short end of the stick. You should tell him that you guys are going to share the responsibilities. If he doesn't like it, then he can leave. It's not fair for one person to do all of the housework, even if they do work a lot.

Answer 2

Reason number 1 -Men seem to be much more single-minded than women. That is, if he's at work all week, he'll still be thinking of work while travelling home and probably even at home too, whereas we women will be onto the next thing like what to get for supper, if we have time to hoover the stairs etc as soon as we're out of the office, if not before. Men put things in compartments and function better if they have one morning for example which is devoted to housework etc., then they can concentrate just on that and nothing else. They can't 'flit' from one job to another like we can! They also need clear instructions eg "You - do shopping - Me - do cooking! (Don't expect him to come up with this on his own!)
Reason number 2 - If he's making more money maybe that means his job really is much more demanding than yours (?) and therefore he just feels too drained to switch onto domestic mode in the evenings.
Reason number 3 - He thinks you're a good replacement for his mum, who did everything (oh - those kind of mums have a lot to answer for!)
Reason number 4 - He's a selfish so and so and needs someone to get through to him. You'll have to ask another question to get answers to that one.

If all else fails - as you're both working and probably doing quite well financially (?), I think I'd be inclined to spend something on a home help so that you can both enjoy your evenings relaxing or doing whatever you want together, rather than argue about housework and cooking. Surely it would be well worth it?

Answer 3

You should make a list of all the things which need done and decide how long teach task should take. Compile the list and leave nothing out. Get every thing from getting the paper to the garbage to washing the cars to mowing the lawn to waxing the floor and laundry. Split them up equitably for both. Its easy to forget about what he does when you are looking at the inside chores.
Start to factor in the stuff that guys do outside like car care and trash hauling the time required starts to even out.

Answer 4

You may not like this, but housework is traditionally the women's job. I have no problem if the woman goes to work (whether out of financial need or desire), however that does not give her carte blanche to ignore her traditional responsibilities - housework. Men go to work - we still cut the lawn, take out the garbage, and handle repairs. We've been doing that for years and will continue to do so. If the man isn't doing the tradtional man's work, then there is a problem.

You could always get a housekeeper if you want though - particularly if you feel you shouldn't have to do the lion's share.

Answer 5

I Believe men should help out with everything because you are not alone, you have a husband, plus you are not his mother. If you both work then why should you do all the housework, pick up the kids. Also men who are willing to take on household chores show their partner that they care and understand their many responsibilities. Approach him with the issue in a low-key but direct way, ask for the help you need, instead of arguing. Try to make a schedule that suits you both that would prevent lot of conflict!

Answer 6

Can I tell you, I am the mother of two with a full time job he as well has a full time job and does the outside stuff - I do not. He will do house work. Most of the time it is he who is in the floor folding socks. He is a manly man not a girly man. he does make about 70% of the money in the relationship. Just because you don't make all the money doesn't mean you have to do all the work at home and no it is not all womens work. I would not have children with this man, unless you just like living this way.

Answer 7

Gee, my house is cleaner and neater now that I'm divorced. And I keep up with the yard too.

Oh sure, it's a little messy right now, because I'm remodeling my bedroom. However, for the most part, the house is much more organized and maintained inside and out now that I'm divorced.

I have more cash, can save 20% of what I make again, etc.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that not all men are like your husband, and not all women are competent at what you say you do all the time.

So why not make housework fun, that's my only suggestion.

Answer 8

That is why women are to be in the home. There is a balance that way. But in our day and age its impossible. WE keep our house clean as we go. Meaning, its always picked up and we pick up after meals and really quickly.

Then on weekends, if I feel inclined to clean the bathrooms, I do it. I always do the laundry as I dont trust him with my clothes.

I balance it. The thing for me that suffers the most is I refuse to cook. We go out all the time. Its the price we may for me to work.

Hire a house keeper. I did and she charged me 60.00 every two weeks. OR once a month. 60.00 was all she charged. YOu can afford that if you are working. Just amazing what a release that was for me.

Answer 9

When both people work its 50/50 at home, Who makes the most has nothing to do with it. The fact that you are both working means equal chores at home.

On my days off from work I handle the house and laundrey, but when my hubby is home he does it.

Marriage is a two way street and both have to pitch in with everything to make it work. Sorry but if he is doing nothing you may need to do something drastic to get his attention.

Do YOUR laundry NOT his, let his sit until he does it himself, and explain to him why you are doing it. Dinner time? He could make his own. Buy things that you like and NOT what he likes or wants he will have to start doing his own shopping or making his own dinner.

Sex ? Sorry honey after working and doing everything around here Im just too tired, Maybe if you would help out once in a while I would have energy left.

It may sound mean but if talking to him has not worked then you need something to get his attention. you are his wife not his maid

Answer 10

It's never even, someone is always going to be doing more of something, and the truth is that people are better at different things. So figure out some of the things that he's better at, or good at and sit down with him and talk it out. Tell him that you would like a little more help around the house and be specific. Be sure and reward him when he does help out, praise him, kiss him or something even better. Nagging is just negative and hardly ever gets you anywhere!

Answer 11

Men aren't raised up doing any of this and have no clue. If you really want him to, you must work with him and not gripe at him. You must do some of these things with him repeatedly until he is good at it.
Just skip cooking though. There are tons of women that can't get that down. Don't expect a man to learn now.
Make a list of chores and split them evenly.
Guys can do the wash, empty the trash, and vacuum. Try that and maybe grow from there.