Need help, What do i do??

Question

My husband and i have had problems in the past he has lied to me since the begining of our marriage about finances etc, 12 years in fact!! We went through a real low he lives and works over seas and has got councelling help for this problem and many more problems. I thought we were on the road to a new start i joined him on Christmas day, but as soon as i ask how much money do we have? and ask normal questions a couple would discuss and tell him what bills need to be payed he says i am cornering him. Since i'm in another part of the world i can't just go to the bank to see what we have in the bank to pay the bills so i asked what our financial state was,, What am i doing wrong, I was prepared to give 110% but i can't live this way i can't talk to him!!. What can i do?? I was ready to get a job but everytime i attempt to get one he askes me to meet him where he works

Am i wrong should i not ask or inform him about the bill does he find it over whelming? I don't know what to do now it is New years day i feel like heading back hom to Australia frm England. He has not been very intermate with me either after 3 months of being apart i expected him to be over me like a rash he begged me to give him another chance so i came to be with him he is playing mind games

Answer 1

I know how it is! My husband is the same. All I wish is that we can sit down and talk about problems but he simply explodes for little things. then he starts throwing things around and yells, and I just can't go anymore like this...
Good Luck to you...

Answer 2

Why the heck are you two living so far apart anyway. That's your first problem. You cannot successfully be a wife over the phone. It's not like he's in the military! You need to move and be with him. You would better your relationship and finances. And is there a problem with you getting a job? If you did have one you could make sure at least your important bills were paid and paid on time. I think you should pack your things and move to be with him. You cant make improvements when you arent livinig together. You have no idea what goes on once he hangs up the phone and the webcam is off. Believe it or not, you only know what he tells you and if he's lied before....well you know how it goes. Make your move then work on the problems you two have. Save your marriage!

Answer 3

First of all, you don't have a joint account?
Then he sends you money? How awkward.

Second, since it really is nice to have money of your own, and since he is in another part of the world, why don't you try to find yourself a job? You do not need to tell him since he gets huffy, although it might be hard to hide it from him. Is there something you could do at home? Could you do typing at home? You have a computer ... why don't you take advantage of it. You could type letters and reports and documents for people. Would that ruin your marriage if he found out... and, unfortunately, your financial stabilty? Pity.

You are a very patient woman, it seems.. Twelve years is a long time. Maybe you could do with a little short-term therapy. It can work wonders. You are clearly stuck .... and p.s. you are never required to give more thatn 100%. If you have 10% left over, it is for you.

Answer 4

He is hiding something. The only reason for someone to get defensive when you ask questions about an issue that is 50% your responsibility is that the other person does not want you to know they have mismanaged their 50%.

You need to educate yourself. Get your name on the account if it is not already. If you work, open a separate account with your name only--don't tell him you are doing this. Do not give him any money or information about YOUR money until he starts opening the books of his. Do not sign for any loans or credit cards with this man--EVER. He is not trustworthy--he either directly lies to you or hides very important information. Either option is a huge honesty issue in my opinion.

My guess is that he has gotten into debt without your knowledge (which you may be responsible to help pay) or he has a gambling issue or he is spending money in a way that would not be considered smart. Something is up with this guy. Be careful.

Answer 5

Too many unanswered questions. Why do you live far away? You can not have a marriage that way. Do you have children? That maybe a reason to stay. Why aren't you involved in the finances? You reallyl need to make some decisions. Stay home or get out of the marriage. Be involved or get out.

Answer 6

Doesn't sound like this relationship has ever been a good one. You don't need to have physical access to a bank to check on your balance, you can do it online. If he won't give you the information to do so, then he's hiding it from you for his own reasons and I wouldn't find that acceptable.

This is your life and choice but it sounds like you've given up a lot of years for nothing but lies. This life is too short to waste it or spend it with someone we cannot trust and who disrespects us...

Why not choose to make your life the best it can be?

Answer 7

Good for you, you woke up now, you sound as if you have a game plain, yes you do, he doesn't, and sounds like he's is hiding something from you. Get a job then tell him do you tell him every time you go to the bathroom, NO, you need to be accountable for your finances, go forth and do so, he is holding back on something, look out for what ever it is, and this is not going to be good.

Answer 8

Think you already know that no one can make you happy but yourself. If your not happy in your marriage then change things. It's going to be hard after 12 years but it's better than wasting you whole life being unhappy. Good luck.

Answer 9

Looks like you two are done and you just don't know it. Keeping secrets, whether they are about money, or affairs will kill a marriage.

Sound like he has a friend he doesn't want you to know about, and the finances just remind him of how much he wants to get out of your marriage.

Sorry....but that is life!

Answer 10

perhaps u need to be the one who handles all of the money, and pays all of the bills, his check should come to u, sice he has shown he is irresponsible. if not than theres really no way to work it out, and bring u peace. get a job if u need to.