How about a little creativity for the first day of the new year..?

Question

Can you write an amusing paragraph or 2 or more that includes THESE MOVIE QUOTES, about being shipwrecked with some of your friends.
1. Heaven help me. I love a psychotic!
2. He will crash that boat off Catalina Island, and he will drown and die and seals will eat him.
3. Shut up Brad! Your song stunk, I hate your suit and I could hurt you!
4. I lost a woman! A whole woman!
5. Actually, there is no Hell. Although I hear Los Angeles is getting pretty close.
6. Vanity working on a weak mind produces every kind of mischief.

Answer 1

For my friend Samantha's 21st birthday, her wealthy father allowed us to borrow the Woodwind for the day and go sailing. I have always loved the sea, though not so much the beach, and so eagerly agreed to join the small crew. Brad was chosen as Captain, being the only one among us who knew the first thing about manning a ship. My sister Lillian, however, refused to accompany us. She had whispered frantically to me, "He will crash that boat off Catalina Island, and he will drown and die, and seals will eat him!" Naturally, all the convincing arguments in the world could not talk her into joining us. Waving to her, though thinking she was totally overreacting, the three of us set off into the afternoon. My sister is entirely insane. Heaven help me. I love a psychotic! Brad, fully decked out in Captain's suit with matching hat, twirled the wheel enthusiastically. Samantha and I sat chatting, occasionally hopping up at Brad's request to change the direction of the sails. Fully enjoying the role of our fearless leader, Brad switched off the classical music we had been listening to. "Hey!" I called. "I like that song!" Brad grinned. "I'm driving, and the driver gets to choose the radio station." Samantha whispered, "And the birthday girl overrides the Captain's choice, but humor him." Her smile dropped completely though, as he switched to an All-Day Beach Boys Marathon. I bit back a grin. Samantha thought the Beach Boys were the whiniest group ever formed. Brad began to sing along loudly, and rather off-key. After the third song, Samantha could take it no longer. She leapt up and shrieked, "Shut up, Brad! Your song stunk, I hate your suit, and I could hurt you!" Brad grasped the lapels of his suit, obviously offended at the slap at his Captain's clothes. Mustering his dignity, he switched it back to the classical channel, remaining in stony silence for quite some time. "Wasn't that a little bit harsh?" I asked Samantha. She frowned. "Well, maybe, but I meant it." With Brad and Samantha in angry silence after the outburst, I opted to stop speaking as well, which made for an uncomfortable moment. Above, dark clouds rolled in, though none of us noticed the change. It wasn't until I felt that first drop of rain that I looked up. The sun had disappeared behind a wall of clouds, and it looked to be a very nasty storm brewing. "Turn us around!" I called to Brad. He obliged, but a heavy downpour and a rushing wind caused us to fly off course. Immediately, we were all soaked. My teeth were chattering so rapidly my entire chin was vibrating. I put a hand to my face to help it. The waters grew choppy, and large swells tossed us back and forth. The motion was too much for Samantha, and she vomited over the side. She wiped her mouth and cried, "You can do it, Brad! I'm sorry about what I said about your suit! You're the best Captain ever!" Vanity working on a weak mind produces every kind of mischief. Her words emboldened him beyond his capabilities. He roared and spun the wheel hard. He seemed to be convinced we were invincible. I heard a loud crack of wood through the roaring wind. The craft was coming apart! A jagged line broke its way through the floorboards, horribly splintering the deck. I took Samantha's hand and forced my way to Brad's side. At least if we went, we would all stay together. It was lucky I made that choice. The moment we moved, the crack took the whole right side of the ship, sending it splashing into the foamy waves. The rest of the vessel tilted dangerously. Abandoning the wheel entirely, Brad leapt and grabbed on to the railing, pulling us after him. We clung to the side, not daring to move, as the storm threw us this way and that. Day turned to night under the shadow of the clouds. As the weather began to die down, I risked raising my head. Miles of sea stretched on to the horizon. We had been blown so far off course, I had no idea where we were. I looked all around, horrified at the lack of islands. Directly behind me, I spied a small stretch of land, dotted in cliffs and green trees. A loud splash and a severe change in the angle of our craft caused me to jolt. Samantha's grip had given its last. She floated on her back in the water below, eyes shut. "Brad!" I cried, nudging him awake. His eyes leapt about, and he spotted Samantha below. "Land!" I called, motioning to the shore. Brad called back, "Let go of the side; we'll swim for it." I did as he said, and the craft tilted further as I hit the water. Brad followed me, and took Samantha's left arm, beginning to swim. Was it Catalina Island? For all I knew, it could be Cuba. As we pulled Samantha, she gasped, and her eyes fluttered open. She gazed up at Brad in shock, and I saw a flash of recognition in her eyes as she remembered the storm. "You maniac!" she shrieked, pulling herself free of his grasp. "What were you thinking?" Brad frowned. "I was thinking of saving you." -- "Did I TELL you to fight the storm and break the Woodwind in half?" she screamed back. Brad rolled his eyes in anger. "There's gratitude for you." -- "Go to Hell!" Samantha yelled. "Actually," Brad replied, "there is no Hell. Although I hear Los Angeles is getting pretty close." Samantha slapped the water in fury. "Well, I wish we WERE in L.A.! That way we'd know where we are! What a birthday THAT was!" -- "There's land," I interrupted, gesturing to the right. "That's not all!" Brad cried. "There's a boat!" Excitedly, we all turned and swam. Aboard, two middle-aged sailors sat laughing and singing, their fishing poles slung over the edge. I assumed, correctly, the two were drunk. One spotted us and shouted, "Mermaid!" Samantha pulled herself up the side and the men reached to help her. "Not a mermaid, a woman," the other slurred, losing his balance and dropping Samantha into the sea. The man shouted, "I lost a woman! A whole woman!" -- "Is this Catalina Island?!" Brad shouted, confusing drunk with deaf. The first man screamed, "Keep yer voice down, there, man! No need to shout! Catalina Island's right there!" He pointed over his shoulder at the land. Abandoning the two drunks, we pulled ourselves ashore and headed for the nearest telephone this merchant island could provide. Samantha called her father, who immediately sent a ship to pick us up. And only as Lillian ran toward us did I remember her prediction of the outing. I was very glad she hadn't come with us. She might have died. I clenched my hands tightly together as I realized we all might have died. We were all very lucky.

Answer 2

Holly knew she should have been wary from the get-go. Not only had her best friend Genevieve warned her against Brad, but Holly herself knew what kind of cad he really was. But she had hopes that he could change, would change, because in the end of it all, she loved him. When he apologized for all the times before by serenading her with a song he had wrote her himself, she knew she'd give him another chance. With lyrics like "Your eyes show the beauty of the world" and "Aphrodite herself writhes in jealousy", how could she resist? Vanity working on a weak mind produces every kind of mischief, and because he had appealed to her vanity, she would have agreed to almost anything. The following weekend, Brad hired a boat and invited Holly to sail away with him. She, of course, agreed right away, but when Genevieve heard about this, she was understandably shocked. "You know what kind of guy he is, Holly! Besides, he's not a sailor! He will crash that boat off Catalina Island, and he will drown and die and seals will eat him, and you'll be marooned out there somewhere!" Holly disagreed. "Listen to this song he wrote me..." Genevieve listened, but hated the song with every bone in her body. Holly just laughed at Genevieve's foolishness. Brad would be different now, she just knew it, and besides, he said he'd taken lessons and could control the boat. Despite Genevieve's warnings, the two were soon out on the open ocean. Brad had decided to dress the part: he was wearing what appeared to be a Captain's uniform, and Holly, smitten as she was, thought his suit very becoming. They were having an incredible time... until they ran out of gas... and the sharks came. Floating helplessly out there, no way to get back, drifting aimlessly, it looked like the end for Holly and Brad. The sharks just circled the boat, as if they knew something was going to happen. It did. A storm blew up, and without gas their boat was a sitting duck. Holly didn't know what to do, and unfortunately neither did Brad. When the waves got aggressive, Holly was swept overboard. Brad didn't jump valiantly in to save her - the sharks were still there. He just knew Holly had been eaten by them. "I lost a woman!" He groaned. "A whole woman!" The boat overturned, and Brad found himself in a terrible predicament. He fought the sharks and managed to make his way to a small, nearby island. Many days passed without food or water, and he started to get delirious, and began to talk and even have arguments with himself. "Hot out today, eh, Brad? Yes, Brad, very hot. No shade, you know. No shade, no. No food, either. No food, no. Hellish island, this. Yes, hellish. Very. Actually, chum... Yes, Brad old pal? Actually, there is no Hell. Although I hear Los Angeles is getting pretty close! HAhahaha! Yes! You've hit the nail on the head, Brad," he laughed maniacally. It was on the eve of the fourth day that Holly, who had managed to swim to another island and saw him from the distance climb on the shore of this one, reached him, having immediately made a raft and rowed over to him. "Brad! Brad! Are you all right?" She called as she hurried toward him. Brad screamed. Holly pulled back in shock. Heaven help me, she thought to herself. I love a psychotic. "Angelina!" Brad shouted. "You know we can't be seen together! Holly is around here somewhere! Daft old thing, yes, daft. Have you seen Holly? She can't see us together, Angie. No, no she can't. I told you I'd see you after we got back and I could get rid of her for a bit, I did." Needless to say, Holly could've gladly beaten him to a pulp. Before, however, she could put these thoughts into action, a ship's horn blew. She looked around to see a small ship sailing towards them, Genevieve on deck waving to her and calling through a bull horn. "Are you okay, Holly? We're coming to rescue you!" In a matter of minutes the two were on the boat and everyone was headed back to the mainland. Once Brad had gotten a bit more hydrated, his senses returned to him. He didn't remember what he had said, though, and when he walked up smiling to Holly and saw the face of doom staring back at him, he was understandably shocked. "Holly baby, what's-" "Shut up, Brad!" Holly interrupted him. "Your song stunk, I hate your suit, and I could hurt you!" She stormed off. Genevieve punched Brad in the shoulder. "Take that, you... you cad!" Genevieve said as she followed Holly. Holly was, of course, very very hurt, but she managed to keep herself from entering depression by talking herself into realizing that Brad wasn't worth it, and that she would make it past this.

Answer 3

I love being creative but I have a terrible New Year's Eve hangover headache and this is just too difficult to focus on right now.

Answer 4

'A three day trip you said' Murphy was at it again 'well for your information, smart-ar*se, we've been shipwrecked here for two days now and no sign of a rescue'. Seannie was complaining once again, but at least this time he had good reason. The so-called Captain, or as we would probably later find out, a lowly deck-hand, had no idea of ships engines and even less, if it were possible, about navigation.
He also had no idea about etiquette, manners, both personal and social, and was inclined to urinate over the side of boat without any thought of others feelings, be they male or female. Still, heaven help me. I love a psychotic. There is something free and easy about them and they take life as it comes. It was not that he was trying to offend in any shape or form, it was just the way he was. However, about boating and all it's aspects, he did not have a clue.
When the engine had failed whilst we sailed from our home port in San Francisco to the Santa Barbara Islands, he, that is the Captain and not Seannie, oozed confidence. Unfortunately, it was only now that we realised that it was all in fact bull-sh*it.
We had drifted for hours until we grounded ourselves on a sandbank that had no more than half a dozen palm trees, no inhabitants and no water.
Seannie, myself, Jean, Lucy and Bradley had voted to drop the anchor and await recovery by a passing ship as we knew that the Islands had been a well known holiday resort since the early twentieth century. After all, we had ample supplies of food, water, drinks and all other necessities to ensure a beautiful short holiday. Only the captain had disagreed and as he accepted full responsibility, he had decided to take the small rowing boat and make his way to one of the inhabited islands to get help. We did not care really, as it was he who had managed to break the radio within half an hour of leaving the quayside.
Lucy had willingly waved him off as he rowed into the waves towards some rough water further out 'He will crash that boat off Catalina Island, and he will drown and die and seals will eat him' she said but none of us believed that she really cared. As his boat neared the breaking waves, he called back 'I'll save you, don't worry.....' his voice trailed off every now and again 'I may have lost a woman! A whole woman but she had wanted to skinny dip at night..........'. 'Stuff him' said Seannie 'the bugger is a complete fruit and nut cake. Anyway, I am now Captain and you deck scrubbers will have to do what I say, or you will feel the wrath of my cat-o-nine-tails'. He put on the hat, the sign of authority and strutted around the deck. You know, vanity working on a weak mind produced every kind of mischief and Seannie was bound to have a mighty fall.
'Mind who you are calling a scrubber' Lucy called at him 'you might be giving me one but I am not a slapper or a scrubber. If you don't wash your mouth out, you'll get none for a month'. Seannie did not take a blind bit of notice. Suddenly, Brad, who had been quiet and serious up to now began singing 'We sailed on the old John B, my grandpappy and me, over the seven seas we did roam......................' He was soon joined by Jean who was completely tone-deaf and could not sing a note. However, give her her dues, what she lacked in ability, she certainly made up for with her gusto. It was deafening and a nod from Seannie and we made our way down into the galley.
Bradley stuck his head down through the door and called out 'Come on lads - bring up a few cans of beer and lets have a bit of a party on deck'. Lucy answered for us all 'Shut up Brad! Your song stunk, I hate your suit and I could hurt you if I told the others that it came from a Charity Shop downtown'. Bradley slunk away like a wounded rabbit.
'You know something Mick' Seannie sounded quite cheerful for once in his life 'but this is my idea of sailing. Stationary. Brilliant. The last time I was on a boat, I thought I was going to die with the seasick. It was just like what I have always imagined what Hell would be like'. 'Actually, there is no Hell' Lucy joined in 'although I hear Los Angeles is getting pretty close. Now that is my idea of Hell. All those lovely looking men only when you are feeling fruity, not one of them is available - they are all gay, as bent as nine dollar bills' she laughed.
'Actually Lucy, there is a Hell' I said quite calmly and with a serious tone to my voice. 'Paddy died and went to Heaven, while Peter his best friend died at the same time and went to Hell. Well, poor Paddy was lonely so after a few weeks he went up to God and said - please dear God, is there any chance of visiting my pal Peter in Hell. Sure says God, as long as you are back before the gates are locked'. Geeze, the look on Lucy's face, I am sure she believes every word I say. 'Anyway, down he goes only to find Peter sitting in an armchair, stark naked with about ten crates of bottled Guinness around him. Walking around him were the most beautiful stark naked women you have ever seen, loads of them. However, Peter had a terrible face on him. Geeze Pete, Paddy said but you have it made down here, this is even better than Heaven. Can I have a bottle of Guinness. 'If you want one' Peter just murmoured. Paddy took one and tried to open it. Sh*it, Peter, Paddy let out, the bottle has no hole in it. Peter didn't even look up, he just muttered - 'Wait 'till you have a close look at the women as well'.
So, to finish the story, we spent two lovely days waiting for help to arrive and sure enough, the Captain returned and all was well. To be honest, it was one of the best holidays of my life and Seannie as usual tried to have the final word. 'I tell you what Mick', he said 'explain the joke, I didn't get it'. I looked at him and winked 'That's it Seannie, neither did Peter nor Paddy'............