I have been married to my current husband for five years now.
Recently my ex husband contacted me for the first time after our divorce.
We got divorced after I had a mental breakdown due to issues from my childhood.
I loved him just as much as I do my current husband and am finding it hard to fight my feelings for him.
What should I do and has anyone else found it hard to leave the past where it is when their heart is in two places?
2007-01-01 03:39:13 · 27 answers · asked by ladyc 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Oh gee,,,, I am glad your not my wife......
make up your mind and stick to it.....
good luck
2007-01-01 03:42:27 · answer #1 · answered by eejonesaux 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His behavior is somewhat typical for a newly divorced non-custodial parent, and your feelings about it are perfectly normal. I'm sure if you really think about it, you've probably done little things for or with her since the divorce that you didn't do before. I think it's something that just happens subconsciously when we divorce. For whatever reason, we feel the need to overcompensate for the fact that we've disrupted the child's home life. Relax, take a breath and try not to let it get to you too much. As you've said, this is all new for the two of you. In time, you'll all settle into a rhythm that is comfortable... assuming you can remain civil with one another. His urge to overcompensate will be overridden by common sense at some point, and the 'fun dad' weekends will settle into a more mundane routine. Just know that this is a temporary phase as you both adjust to your new family. And don't forget that.... you're still a family, just of a different sort.
2016-05-23 02:58:32 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you still love your current husband as much as the X, where is the issue. Stop having contact witht he X at once, if you do not put yourself in the situation then there can be no problems.
I believe that you can not control who you love, but you can control what you do about it.
From your post your current husband has done nothing wrong and your X husband left you while you were having a mental breakdown ?
Marriage is for better or worse and it sounds like to me he ran when the "Worse" part appeared. Why would you want to go back with someone that has already proven they will leave you in your time of need.
2007-01-01 03:48:51 · answer #3 · answered by just_trump_my_ace 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sure you have feelings for your ex husband, but maybe it is just an unresolved issue that is drawing you back. It is hard to leave the past becasue you tend to think of the good things and forget the issues. Does he want you back or does he just want to talk. Usually things don't work out if you go back. If he wants to go back and knows you are married then I might question his motives. It does not sound as if he has your best interest in mind. If you keep in contact with him then you might be jeapordizing your current marriage. It sounds as if you have to decide which you want more. You probably won't be able to have your cake and eat it too...at least not for too long
2007-01-01 03:49:23 · answer #4 · answered by healergirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you just feel that there are still unresolved issues with your ex-husband and that further you are dwelling on the love that has been between you. But if you were meant to be, then you would not have divorced and he would have stuck by you especially after your mental break down. It is not easy to leave the past if you are clinging to it. Remember that you also owe loyalty to your current husband.
2007-01-01 03:57:12 · answer #5 · answered by woman in the well 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that ain't nothing but the DEVIL you need to stop letting him to tickle your emotions and let the past stay were it is. a double minded man is unstable in all his ways. take all of the things you learned in you recovering from your breakdown such as putting things in there place and use the same process in the recovering from your past issues revisiting you. let your emotions be identified for this person and let it be just what it is an emotion not your identity or actions. YOU ARE A NEW PERSON WITH A NEW LEASE ON LIFE DON'T BREAK YOUR LEASE. tell the enemy to get behind you!, if it was meant it would have endured all things; breakdowns, ugliness whatever! put that energy you feel into what you have gained and press forward. May this message be edifying to not only you but your family. GOD BLESS YOU IN THESE LAST AND EVIL DAYS.( OH I've been married for 6 years and also have had issues to deal with concerning myself and other females,babiesmamas, so I can speak from experience).
2007-01-01 04:06:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
your where married to him of course you still love him you should always have a special place in your heart for him i have been in your postion before only i have never been married i found out almost the hard way that leaving the past alone is mostly better to do im not saying he did but if you got a divorce because of your break down an he wouldnt stay to help you threw it then you need to just leave that alone but lets look at the bigger picture here you have an obligation to your husband now i think it would be best for you to go to a local counsler about your feelings to help you find out what you can do because we here can talk but cant really help very much well i hope everything works out great
2007-01-01 03:45:01 · answer #7 · answered by none of your biz. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It could be hard to let old feelings fade out but it's possible. You and your ex weren't meant to be or else you would of stayed togeher. Do you really want to hurt your current husband? Sometimes the past is left in the past. You need to figure this out and only you can figure this out on your own. If he didn't contact you would you be having these feelings? You need to choose and not lead them both on. Search your heart and find out which one you want to be with.
2007-01-01 03:50:52 · answer #8 · answered by Irish Girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sure hearing his voice stirred up some old emotions, but what you need to realize is that you have a whole life with someone else now and the past is better left where it is. You can care for your first husband, but are you loving the man he is or the man he was 5 years ago? We all grow and evolve and for you to think he hasnt changed would be foolish. Let go of the past and live in the now.
2007-01-01 03:43:08 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It called a Divorce for a reason. That relationship is done. It's gone. You do not need to speak to this man about anything, the lawyers handled all that.
Of course you have fealings for him, you married him once. That doesn't matter now because you made a commitment to someone else after that commitment was legally disolved.
I understand you love him. You need to figure out how much you love him on a scale from 1 to 10. Now take that number. That is the number in 100s of miles that he needs to stay away from you and vice versa.
Great. Now go enjoy the company of the man who married you and didn't ditch you when things got to heavy for him.
2007-01-01 03:47:22 · answer #10 · answered by jim w 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would tend to agree with the majority here;
We sometimes idealised what was. But, obviously you would have both changed your ex-husband and yourself.
You are now in a current relationship, stable one, you love the man, so why jeopardize that?
It's definitely time to turn the page, and remember the past with a sweet smile.
Enjoy the present and move on.
Good luck.
2007-01-01 03:51:40 · answer #11 · answered by Kc 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋