is it healthy in a marriage to have opposite sex friends?

Question

this has been a problem before, i feel like there are things said or talked about that may not be appropriate. the line has been crossed before this with a different friend. he knew i had problems with it yet continued to talk and instant message her and than later said i didnt know it was still a problem. he omitted in which i believe is lying. im afraid of it happening again. i feel like he would overlook what is said, or feels its ok to be wanted by others, more than just normanl friends. it puts me in a weird place to hear some girl likes my husband more than friends. but more when he knows and thinks its ok. like its a normal friendship. and we do have a 10 month old son

oh and we have only had sex twice in 10 months. i feel so far from him.

Answer 1

Not good for the marriage...

Answer 2

Okay dear- grab a cup of coffee because this is going to be a long one. First, it appears that you are a little jealous which is normal and acceptable. Afterall, he's not your boyfriend, he's your husband. And I completely understand where you are coming from. He seems as if he completely ignores your feelings; this is not good for a healthy marriage. Here are your options, 1) you can get in shape and loose any baby fat that you may have, work out- even if it's pushing the baby down the sidewalk in his stroller, begin to wear sexier clothes, dont dress like a slut afterall you are marriied and a mother, but wear something that makes you feel beautiful, he will notice this and could become jealous himself, especially if he knows males are paying you compliments. 2) wear lingerie to bed and actually give him some. Part of the problems with marriage is that women dont continue to do the things they did before marriage or before having a child. Shock him. Start with a massage and continue to do all those kinky things he likes- you must know how to do something right- he married you. And here's a big pill to swallow- what you wont do another woman will. Always remember that. Everytime you say you are tired, have a headache or give any other complaint, you're making more room for "the clean up woman" as some would say. In case you dont know, this is the woman that your husband tells all of this problems to, a woman who is attracted to your husband, and is just waiting for things to go sour. Dont let her win. Instead, let him brag about how amazing you are these days and how you balance being a great cook, mother, and lover. Keep him happy! 3) You could go the route of showing him how you feel by having a male friend call you at home and giggle and joke and attempt to hold a long conversation- he would have to be home obviously to hear this. Then, ask your husband if it's okay if he would watch your son while you two went to dinner to catch up on things- as friends. You might want to play the safe route and get a cousin to be the mystery guy. Remember you want to prove a point, not end your marriage. If he complains, simply say now do you see how I feel?

I think if you went with option 2 you would eliminate the mystery friend all together with the least amount of trouble. Good luck!

Answer 3

It all depends. Some couples have lots of opposite sex friends and don't have jealousy issues etc, others it doesn't work for so well. I say trust your gut. If you aren't normally a jealous type, then something is setting off your alarm bells (maybe you can sense that she has a thing for your man) but whatever it is, you must give it some thought and come up with boundaries that will make you comfortable, then sit down with him and discuss it. If your boundaries are for him to cut off all ties with her, then be prepared for a fight. I had a guy friend who I emailed once in a while that my hubby absolutely did not like, and he made it very plain to me that I needed to end the friendship, so I did. It wasn't a very close one, and my husband's sense of well being and our day to day life as a married couple was way more important than this friend. Good Luck

Answer 4

T have a healty marriage you and your husband need to trust and believe in each other. Also if what you hear ids not always true some people will do that. Just to make trouble. SO if you see what's going on that you don't like or vise versa, both of you'll need to sit down and talk because communication is a main component in the marriage. SO if both of you'll want to friends just make sure that's all it is just friends. And if you hear something from someone else make sure it's true before you react. SO if you need more advice just IM me

Answer 5

Yes. It is necessary as well. That's the problem. In our society, once we get married, we tend to think your partner is the only person that can contribute to our lives. Women are the only people that say "I like someone just as friends." Where do you think it all starts. If you like someone as a friend, there is already a bond. I think once you get married there will be bonds with members of the opposite sex. Just keep it in its proper perspective. The more you try and stop him from doing it, the more it will be taboo and the more he will feel he is missing out on something. Don't press the issue. Don't make hamburger meat into a meatloaf.

Answer 6

if your marriage can't handle a potential other woman then I have to wonder about the strength of your marriage. Men and women don't become repulsive to all others the moment they're married. That said, you can't exclude people from your lives just because they may have romantic interests in you or your spouse. You just have to cope with that, otherwise you lose all your friends

Answer 7

Absoulutely not, if one of you is not comfortable with it, then it should end, and you should both work on what is wrong in your marriage. Problems that are not dealt with will only get worse over time and not go away. It is most important that the two of you are on common ground for your son.

Answer 8

Is it healthy to have friends of the opposite sex? Yes, as long as the relationship is strictly platonic. Another important part of the relationship is trust. Trust him unless you have a reason not to. You are probably overanalyzing the situation, but unless I am there to witness what is going on I can't say for sure.

Good luck!

Answer 9

I can understand how you feel but if he isn't cheating I wouldn't worry about it so much. The more pressure you put on him about this, the more he will keep from you. Just relax for now because there really isn't anything you can do about it. Everything comes out in the wash, so to speak.

Answer 10

No, it's not healthy for a marriage. I would go so far as to say it is toxic. I've seen, and experienced these situations too many times. You may trust your husband, but you can never trust the other woman. Take care.

Answer 11

i think you should check yourself and make sure you are doing all that you are supposed to in your relationship. if yes then there should not be anything to fear because men only drift away to a place were they have not been "curiosity". if you are doing it right then don't be insecure make him understand you got everything he need at home i mean everything . " Can you diggit man!