We working on getting back together. I have tried to go a week without mentioning her . The longest I have gone was ten days. When will I no longer have a need to ask questions or express dismay at the whole thing?
2007-01-01 02:34:43 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First of all the way you feel is very normal Cheating has lasting effects that only time , recommitment and hard work to rebuild trust can heal. You will always have questions and you will never understand the answers. I have felt the pain and betrayal you have its devastating. Personally I couldn't get beyond it and terminated the relationship. It hurts, It is inscribes to be betrayed by the one you love. Listen carefully because if you don't then your relationship is headed to divorce for sure. If you are trying to work it out then you must force yourself to put 100% into the effort. If you want to reconcile then you have to learn to let it go. You have to forgive not forget but forgive. IT is extremely important that you go seek professional help to get you guys past this point. Not only couples counseling but personal counseling. This is the hardest thing you will ever have to face but if you don't learn right owe to let it go and get past it then you will lose the upper hand in the relationship. As weird as it sounds in time he will start to resent you for bringing up or throwing " his unacceptable and bad behavior" in his face. If u really want things to work out and you love him then I am sure you realize that you can only make someone pay for their actions just so many times until it become old and they leave. Men seem to throw their hands up in the air and say I am done when it becomes to much for their emotions to take. Men are wired so differently then women. If you bite your lip, get the right help to heal your situation then you will always have the upper hand and he will always have this nagging guilt at what he did and he will be grateful and respectful but if you continue to bring this up and not get the help you guys need to save your relationship he will say enough is enough and leave with resentment and angry at you. I know this is hard. my heart breaks for your pain. I wish you peace and pray your relationship heals this year.
Kourtnie D
2007-01-01 02:59:08 · answer #1 · answered by Kourtnie D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Betty I wish there was an answer for this, i found out a long time ago and still cant stop asking questions but i know why, we all have a need to know why and how did all of this come about. Because our curiosity is not satisfied we continue asking questions when all we want is the truth but dont count on it cause the guilty party does not want to revisit something that they have done that was shameful no matter what. good luck but im still asking questions hoping for some kind of closure but until my partner helps me with it i dont count on it myself.
2007-01-01 10:42:27 · answer #2 · answered by kingkong 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you direct your energies toward repairing your marriage, the adulteress becomes less important. Stop asking questions that only cause more friction in your relationship. Look from within, rather from without, if you're serious about saving the marriage and stop taking your husband on guilt trips.
2007-01-01 10:43:17 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't put a timeline on these things. He betrayed your trust in the most horrible way. It is normal to want to know about her to satisfy all those Why? questions you have. He must be patient with you. Hopefully you are both in counselling.
From what I know, the road to recovery is a long one but worth it. Take each day at a time.
Best of luck to you.
2007-01-01 10:42:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm not actually sure you'll ever truly get over it. My man cheated 4 years ago and eventhough i do not bring it up to him i still think about it and every now and then i get my private eye on and truthfully that sucks not knowing what they are doing if they are cheating or not so what i did was i cheated on him i did not tell him but now i have a secret and his *** is all in the dark.
2007-01-01 10:40:26 · answer #5 · answered by T.T. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will stop asking questions when you are ready to forgive your husband and move on with your life. It will be tough for you, but you should not keep reliving the affair if you truly want to work things out. He already knows that you are disgusted by it, if you keep reminding him of what he did wrong, you will push him away. He will put up defense barriers and shut you out when you try talking to him.
2007-01-01 10:40:10 · answer #6 · answered by blue eyes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never! But for it to work you need to stop verbalizing. If you are committed to forgiving him and work on your relationship you need to say to yourself he made a mistake and I'll never know the why but I love him and want our marriage to work. If you can't do this then you may as well call it quits.
2007-01-01 11:46:38 · answer #7 · answered by Scott H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It'll take a while. Each time you think of her, hold your breath for 10 seconds and the urge to say her name will pass.
2007-01-01 10:39:09 · answer #8 · answered by S K 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you get back to a trusting relationship. It takes as long as it takes. Make dad gum certain he EARNS your trust. His behavior was the problem, not hers. He plunked her, not the other way 'round.
2007-01-01 10:38:51 · answer #9 · answered by DelK 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In your heart, forgive her. You have been badly hurt, but that's life. Say uplifting things, pray constantly, and speak from your loving heart.
2007-01-01 10:38:45 · answer #10 · answered by JOYCE M 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋