My husband and I have been married 18 years and have a daughter together. He had an affair and wouldn't let the woman go. Now he is trying to hang on to our marriage by not signing divorce papers, and coming over "going through the motions" of being a family. We don't spend quality time together and I still don't trust him 100%.
I think part of him is afraid to let go, just because of our lifestyle and the money he will lose if we get divorced. Also, he has been married 2 times before. Is he hanging on just so he won't have another failed marriage?
2007-01-01 02:25:03 · 12 answers · asked by blue eyes 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes, we met while he was separated from his second wife. They had be separated for 2 years and she actually came looking for him once. He wasn't interested.
2007-01-01 02:36:23 · update #1
think he doesn't want to loose any of his money, and he may not be sure of the woman he is seeing, and hasn't quite made up his mind. but if u cheat with him when he is still married to someone else, than maybe alot of this is karma coming back to u for your part in destroying his last marriage. as once a cheater i believe they will always find a reason to cheat on u, that u are really no better or any more loved than his ex wives were when he found u. why not get your divorce anyway, as he doesn't have to sign anything, as trust is so hard to regain after it has been lost. save yourself any more heartache from this man, take your half of the assets and start a new life.
2007-01-01 05:32:32 · answer #1 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't trust him. The answer is different with a child. w/o a child it is a clear cut, "cut the cord", but with a child, you have to pick what is best for the child.
Of course he doesn't want to loose the security of a family and what he will loose and he knows he is a failure if he looses this family. Your not here to fix him, and as I tell everyone;
Once is just a divorce. Two times is a pattern. He is either a lying cheating dirtbag or a spineless momma's boy. Either way he may seem perfect, but don't have kids.
You can tell by the "wouldn't let the woman go" part that he is pretty messed up and that single line tells me he doesn't NEED to be around your child.
He can't be trusted and I wouldn't trust him around the child. I wouldn't trust ANYONE with that record around a child.
If this was his fist marriage and it was a 1 time cheat (and you have a child) I MIGHT say try to recover for the child's sake, but this case is clear cut.
Don't be ugly to him, just be dry. Don't give him hope or ideas.
2007-01-01 10:38:02 · answer #2 · answered by Computer Dr. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
With all due respect, you're asking the wrong question. Why? Because what difference in your decision-making process does the answer make? Your problem is to determine whether you want him in your life or whether you don't. You are right to not trust him. Are you right to not want him in your life? Ah, that's the toughie, isn't it. I'd hope you'd decide what's best for you and your daughter. Remember, she's watching this and learning what it means to be an adult from what you two are doing. We want her to learn to function rather than dysfunction.
2007-01-01 10:35:18 · answer #3 · answered by DelK 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sure all of that has a factor in it and he also loves you and even if he signs the papers it is going to hurt both of you and your daughter, but if you want it he will have to do it eventually. Don't plan on it to be a easy divorce.
2007-01-01 10:37:01 · answer #4 · answered by livlafluv 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like a control junkie. But there has to be a way to make things work. You might try to be more creative in the way you deal with him, build him up instead of tearing him down, and it may just change his own self image. God still loves him, and so should you.
2007-01-01 10:35:03 · answer #5 · answered by JOYCE M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe the GF has dumped him and if he signs the papers then he won't have anyone.
that or he doesn't want to marry the GF and as soon as he signs the papers she will be after him to get to the church with her and he doesn't want to marry right away because he has 3 failed marrages already.
did he meet you when he was married to #2?
2007-01-01 10:29:32 · answer #6 · answered by oldsoftee2001 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's hard to give answers to questions like this without hearing both sides of the story. But honestly it sounds like you already know the answer.
2007-01-01 10:28:00 · answer #7 · answered by Meiju 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think yes he is having a hard time letting go. I myself am on my second , so i think its his pride. Let him know even if its not true, that its ok, and you don't hate him. He'll be ok. Good luck you will be ok to, i promise life goes on.
2007-01-01 10:42:21 · answer #8 · answered by missy j 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps it is the security you offer him that he won't let go of. You have been there for 18 years for him
2007-01-01 10:27:55 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel that it doesn't matter what his reasons are. If you feel betrayed, unloved and that you don't respect or love him any more, get a good lawyer and get him out!
Best of luck to you, and so sorry about all that you are going through!!
2007-01-01 10:27:59 · answer #10 · answered by oracle1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋