2 weeks ago my finance bought a web cam for my computer, and I didn't want it but he insisted we buy it. Now i just found out that he is talking sex on internet with woman. He's not comming to bed till late in the morning. I trusted him when he tells me he's not doing anything, we've been engaged for 4 years and I'm very hurt. I don't know what to do help me pls......
2007-01-01 01:45:54 · 17 answers · asked by wolf 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Log on and talk with this woman, then turn the cam on and freak her out, she will leave.
2007-01-01 01:48:06 · answer #1 · answered by got_shots 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I think the most telling thing in what you wrote is that you've been engaged for 4 years! Why so long? Are you both really committed to marrying or is it just convenient to call each other "fiances"? I think if you can honestly answer this question, it might help you figure out the web cam issue. Me thinks the web cam thing is just a more visual reflection of the status of the relationship....as well as the fact that you don't seem comfortable confronting/asking/talking with him. Both of you should comfortable at this point expressing likes/dislikes in your relationship, and I sense that you feel intimidated expressing yourself. The question then is..."why"?
*The other telling thing btw...is that you used the words "insisted"...Do you really want to marry someone who "insists" on things, especially over things you object about, or do you want someone you can discuss and negotiate ideas with? Perhaps the same outcome would've occured (purchase of web cam), but you would've written, "we discussed and WE decided...."....a totally different scenario...and also a totally different type of relationship that allows that.
2007-01-01 10:10:31 · answer #2 · answered by Lisa 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
engaged for 4 years?! that sounds like a bigger issue!
Look, it's upto you what you find acceptable behaviour. You need to first decide if this is worth ending the relationship over, decide what's acceptable and what's not, and what needs to be done so that you can trust him again.
Speaking as someone who has been playing the online dating game for awhile now, i can say, I see a lot of men who are addicted to this online sex thing, the chat, the webcams, it can really turn into an addiction. I see men who are online like all day or all night long.
You can remove the webcam (ie make that 1 of your conditions) but remember he can still view their webcams without having 1 himself.
Personally I wouldn't stand for this behaviour, and if he's not willing to change, I'd be leaving. But the decision is yours.
And I will say in defense of your fiance: not all men who like to fool around with webcams, go out and physically cheat on their spouces. So while it could lead to that, it's not inevitable that it will.
You need to have a serious talk with your fiance, and see how he reacts. Afterall, this isn't so much about the actual act that he's doing. This is about respect, and how he respects your feelings.
2007-01-01 10:06:24 · answer #3 · answered by who-wants-to-know 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wait a minute, he's cheating online with a web cam on YOUR computer? What else of yours is he using to get off with? You have every right to control how your things are used AND have every right to consider his behavior cheating. What he's doing may never become physical cheating but it's your decision and you need to insist that you be respected and honored. He's not doing that now. The problem is not so much that he's "fudged" on this but that it sets a pattern that leads him to believe that he can fudge on the next question and the next and so on. If he cannot stick to the agreements, there isn't much hope that you'll be content is there.
2007-01-01 10:10:11 · answer #4 · answered by DelK 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Throw the web cam away. Pack his bags. He has made a promise to you to be faithful. Do you really think that when he makes that promise in front of his friends and family that he will keep it? What you have before you get married is what you will have after you get married--things DON'T change! Do yourself a huge favor, show yourself some self-respect and tell this loser to GET OUT! Today! Do not try to "work it out." This only leaves him with the (correct) impression that if he does it again, you will only try to "work it out." What kind of punishment is that? Don't kid yourself--he WILL do it again. And again.
You deserve better. Don't be a wimp!
2007-01-01 09:59:09 · answer #5 · answered by ssc 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
u need to be honest and tell him how u really feel.
the quality of his response is crucial - if he loves you then he will feel apologetic and u should stay with him. If he gets angry or defensive and unsympathetic, u should break off the engagement.
It may sound harsh hunni but this really is the make-or-break point of ur relationship. And tru if u have been engaged for so long then he might not have intentions to marry u any more.
Good luck...
2007-01-01 10:09:31 · answer #6 · answered by Lara D 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I disagree with the person that said looking and talking is not cheating, any mental sexual attachment to another woman is cheating. I would not marry this man or I would go to counseling for the problem and if he doesn't want to go you know he is not interested in saving your relationship.
2007-01-01 10:29:50 · answer #7 · answered by livlafluv 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be thankful it is just on the internet. I question a four year engagement, though. I seems someone had no intention of getting married.
2007-01-01 10:02:07 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I had this same problem recently. There is nothing you can do but face him with the information that you have about him cheating. He can either own up to it or not. If he lies to you or continues to cheat then you know what you have to do. LEAVE HIM. I know that it is hard concept to think of right now, but you shouldn't let ANYONE disrespect you.
2007-01-01 09:49:46 · answer #9 · answered by delmonicole 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
leave him if you know in your heart that is what he is doing. it will not get any better and he will continue to lie to you until he eventually leaves you and makes you look like a fool because you knew what was going on and did nothing about it. if you trust that he is not doing anything, try to stick it out.
2007-01-01 09:51:00 · answer #10 · answered by pikachu 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋