When I was a teenager I had crushes, and assumed that one day I'd feel that way about someone "for real" and that would be love. But at 34, I'm still waiting!
It's not as though I get involved with people who are all wrong for me. I'm happy enough in my relationships. My longest lasted six years, others of note have been four years and three years (the one I'm in now). But I've never felt love. I go straight from idle curiosity "he's nice, I wonder if this'll work out?" to feeling like we've been married for ten years.
Everyone ticks all the boxes - same sense of humour, things in common, compatible values - but I can easily imagine life without them, my heart doesn't skip a beat when I see them, I don't really think about them when they're not there. I'd be as happy being just friends with them.
Could it be that I still haven't met the right person? Am I expecting too much and "love" isn't like that? Or is this some sort of personality disorder that I just need to live with?
2006-12-31 23:52:40 · 8 answers · asked by Snakey B 4 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Wow! I could've written this question myself because I feel the exact same way. After dating in my early twenties and a couple of more serious and somewhat longterm relationships I discovered that I really wasn't finding what I was looking for...that elusive thing that is supposed to make your heart skip a beat. It's like I have a hard time wanting to give that much of myself to someone else and I also question whether I want that much of someone in return. We should consider ourselves lucky though because I think that being mindful in our choices of who we get into relationships with is a lot better than jumping into something that ends up being lackluster or even hurtful in some way. There's no need to think that it's a personality disorder. Everyone has different comfort zones when dealing with other people. Sometimes society shoves it in our face that we're supposed to be in relationships to be whole or considered normal and it's so not true! Good luck to you and have faith that if you are meant to be with someone else you will meet at some point and if you're not meant to fall in love you can still have just as fulfilling of a life!
2007-01-01 00:04:50 · answer #1 · answered by Rosetinted 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Wow, what you've just written really sounds like my ex-boyfriend... He's 31, had long-term relationships, boxes ticked, etc, but never in love...
I'm really not sure if you're incapable of falling in love... I guess some people just aren't as emotional as others, so don't get so involved... some people have been in love ten times, others none... it's an individual thing... and there's certainly no right or wrong... I say don't dwell on it.
I wish you all the best.. :-)
2007-01-01 00:03:09 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
I was the same way I guess. I had great relationships but no one I fell in love with. And to be honest I have been all over the world so it is not like I was dating the same kind of girl every time. I am talking whole new cultures here. I guess I never really even thought about it much. I don’t know maybe I was just not ready. Until I met someone who came out of left field and knocked me out of the relationship cruse control I had been in. Strangely enough it kind of seemed like something you would see in a movie. Just in the movies you tend to see the guy do something stupid or something comes up and they have to separate. You know the typical crap my previous girlfriends liked to watch when it was there turn to pick the movie. Not happening here though I may not be the smartest guy in the world but I know enough that when you find something like this you hold on to it. And don’t judge me by that sappy statement my friends and family pretty much had me written off as a life long bachelor because I never considered marriage before and they had me written off as a life long bachelor.
2007-01-01 03:59:35 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
You find your own love in life.
And as you can see everyone has there own view on it.
What is your idea of love might not be someone Else's.
Don't mean love doesn't happen.
Arranged marriages in all faiths sometimes work because love develops over a period of time. Married couples fall in and out of that heady feeling of being in love, don't mean they stop loving.
You need to see that romance is different from love, and real life love is different from fiction love.
But it is there for you.
Everyone can fall in love.
2007-01-01 00:26:02 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes it's not about ticking the right boxes. It may be someone that totally throws your life out of whack that will sweep you off your feet. Hang in there, it may not be a groundbreaking moment but there's someone. I don't think you have met the right person. My problem now is, I have been in love, only once though, and now compare my current relations to that. Impossible...sometimes it's tough and we have to lower our shields and let people in, even those that don't tick all the boxes. Best thing is, it happens when you're not looking. All the best to you.
2007-01-01 00:08:28 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
I agree with some others...I have never 'been in love' and at 48 I am quite comfortable alone. I don't know why this is, but I truly believe that some of us aren't that sort. My love and compassion tends to come out the strongest when I see/hear of little children being abused, animals tortured and things like that. I almost cry or actually do when I read or hear of a particularly bad thing of that sort, I most definitely feel much stronger emotions than I ever did in a relationship (though, of course, they are 'different' emotions. It is one of the reasons why I post such anger at Saddam Hussein and gladness at his execution...I saw a documentary about the systematic torture, rape and murder of little tiny children whose only offense was to be related to someone he'd arrested on suspicion of not supporting him. I feel such hatred towards him and his supporters cause of their atrocities towards little innocent ones...just can't help it.
Guess this all means that I'm abnormal...but it's who I am.
2007-01-01 00:14:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 8⤊ 1⤋
I think everyone has the ability to fall in love unless they are raised in such way that they are so repressed or abused that love was never given to them in the first place. Then that would constitute a a sick mind like a psychopath--and I use that as an example only.
2007-01-01 00:13:24 · answer #7 · answered by smeezleme 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My (now ex) boyfriend said the same as you the other day, that in his relationships he'd be just happy being friends as his heart never seems to be in the relationships.
so your not alone, don't worry.
As for love, its not all that you get butterflies and live happily ever after. If however you can see yourself just being mates and you wouldn't be bothered seeing them with someone else then their not right for you.
2007-01-01 00:08:52 · answer #8 · answered by Lisa 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are not strange..just misinformed about love. It sounds like you have watched or heard to many love stories. real life love is not like it is in the movies. Love is not a warm fuzzy feeling you get, it is an action or even a thing. The action of loving someone is the most important thing in a relationship. The warm fuzzy feeling comes from that action in return.
So...you just have not found the right person yet, the one who will deposit love as you deposit yours.
Spread your love and be open to receiving love from others and you will be just fine.
2007-01-01 00:02:22 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 1⤋
to tell you the hard way:
you are in trouble if you think you are
you are not if you think you are not.
here is the case: you are afraid of commitment.
or better yet, you are freaked out by commitment.
you love to have a relationship but the doubt never leaves you.
I am just like that myself. but, trust me. it will change, someday.. THAT if you are not dead
2007-01-01 01:40:10 · answer #10 · answered by Man Of Earth 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋