i took the advice of u all!and this morning before my husband left to go out with some friends golfing ,i just came right out and asked him.i expalined that it seemed strange how he was acting secretive.i told him that i wasnt saying he did have an affair but i would like to know the reasons for his weird behavior.he sat down on the sofa and asked me to sitnext to him ,then he kissed me on the cheek.then he said"i didnt mean for it to go on for this long ,at first it was just for fun.and u know i love u but i think....i love her too."i didnt shout like u all told me not to but i couldnt help crying.i asked him how long it was going on for?as i thought it had only started.he said four months.i also asked him if we were going to seperate and he got up and left said he would talk about it later.im not saying ur advice was wrong as nothing has really happened yet ,but do u think i handled it right?and do u think i made im feel smothered?
2006-12-31 23:37:11 · 26 answers · asked by hot_little_jessy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You handled the situation with great dignity and courage. He is a total azzhole to start an affair "just for fun" . Then, to walk out after telling you he thinks he is in love with someone else shows how little respect he has for you, and how you feel. Have a suitcase packed for him when he tries to come back, see an attorney tomorrow, and don't let the jerk talk his way back into your life. He will do that a few months from now, when he discovers what a huge mistake he has made. He will walk on you as long as you let him. He is the loser here!!!!
2007-01-01 00:02:16 · answer #1 · answered by lollipop 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well now you know. What did it change?
Be very careful from here forward in taking the advice of people who have no personal knowledge of your situation.
The overwhelming opinion here will be throw him out. That opinion does not serve you well.
You can get through this and remain married if you both want to.
It requires that he stop now. period.
It requires his telling you why it happened with the real reason not just " I made a mistake".
He has to be truly sorry and remorseful.
He has to tell you it will NEVER happen again and mean it.
he also needs to understand that if it does happen a gain that he is gone with his clothes and nothing else.
Given that you can move forward.
Given your previous questions it appears you are using your child's address . There are a lot of things in your life that a lot of the people who answer here do not consider and far to many are ready to run form something like this. It can be dealt with as an adult in a firm manner. If he is not willing to stop or not promise to never do it again . But if he does stop and will not do it again then start over. The damage is done the hurt does not change. Fix this and get some return. Don't make any rash decisions to toss him out.
And please, be careful taking the advice on here as the best route. Most were stung by infidelity or do not understand that you do not throw away a marriage without a fight. If you are that willing to toss it away that easily there was not much there in the first place. Most people who work through this do not run around and tell people that they did. At least not the the like the victims who threw them out. It is never cut and dried.
2007-01-01 00:13:36 · answer #2 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Firstly - well done you! you confronted him and found out the truth, as much as it did hurt.
Secondly - He is your husband, why should/would he feel smoothered? I imagine that previous to this you havent in any such way, so your actions were justifiable.
Thirdly - You time. You need time to think things over and how you want to resolve this situation, be it sticking together him stopping this affair or weither you both agree to a temporary split and take it from there. You shouldnt allow him to decide such a major decision ny himself, you are in this relationship too.
I do apologise, but I dont think I read your question for our advice the first time round, but heck, Im proud of you, and you should be too. Well done! now carry yourself onto the right solution.
2007-01-02 02:26:39 · answer #3 · answered by Need_to_know 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is confident that he can do as he pleases, and you'll shut up and accept his games. Apparently, he's correct. He was sure you'd let him reveal his affair, and continue to sit home being the "little woman" So, what's the problem? He cheats- you put up with it. Sooooo, there isn't a problem. This would only be a real problem IF you had the self respect required to hold Prince Spermy responsible for his actions. So, you clean the house, and keep your mouth shut about his playmate. He MAY allow you to stay, as long as you keep quiet, and remember that HE is boss, and you are just a "pet" he keeps around to clean, cook, and screw when his girlfriend is busy.
2007-01-01 00:37:02 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im impressed, I didnt read your last question, but for what I read, you were a lady when dealing with his answer, maybe too much of a lady.
shouting, yelling and all that its in my personal opinion highly inmature, even if your spouse its behaving like a kid, dont go and talk at his level, however, dont let yourself to be fooled, you MUST at all times be RESPECTED and if he is not giving you the respect YOU deserve, then make yourself the respect.
find a lawyer and get divorced, and dont be nice to him, you dont have to, he is the one who failed you, the one with the crisis, not you. You deserve better. Let him know that you are ready for a fight (for what its right) and try to always be yourself on the strongest version of you.
I could bet anything that he will start making cheap excuses for his behavior, blaming you for what he has or hasnt done, or even for making him feel smothered, but please dont be fooled by him; he knows he is the one to blame but he cant deal with it so he will try to make you feel guilty, do not allow that, do not clean after his mess.
Someone said to contact her, she might have been told lies as well, he might have said that he is already divorcing you so he could get her, that its always a possibility, happends so often! but my advice is not to contact her, that would be her problem, you got plenty to deal with just now. Cause if that were the case, you would be cleaning his mess, she would probably break the relationship with him, but his attitude of cheating is still there, he would just find someone new, with new lies. Please do not contact her, you need your strength for other battles, deal with that later, at the moment its not important, you need yourself.. she its not your problem.
good luck..
2007-01-01 00:11:55 · answer #5 · answered by luisa 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You certainly did nothing wrong. You made all the right moves.Now it is up to him to either get rid of his extra-marital partner and stay with you or get the hell out of the house.
Whatever you do, don't let him bull crap you.
Its out in the open and you now know the truth.
If I did this I know where I would be. OUT THE DOOR.
He EVIDENTLY THOUGHT THE GRASS WAS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE FENCE,but seems you broke his lawn mover now.
stick to your guns gal.
you handled it right and let him know its you or the other gal.
Yes, it is possible to salvage this union, He has to agree to marriage counseling and stick with it. Other wise open the door and shove.
I know this must hurt you and will not be easy for you.
wish you good luck.
I received your mail, but could not respond to it.
get an attorney and find out where you stand. check out financial standings, take control of whatever you can and bounce h im.
Show him it is going to cost him now.
2006-12-31 23:47:23 · answer #6 · answered by apostle1938 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Where is your backbone woman ?
I have only just answered your lst question and flicked to next and you came up again.
Have you no self worth?
What has he done to you, to think he can just tell you he's been having an affair and that he thinks he loves her too?and then you 're worried how he feel's! HE'S' FINE, HE'S JUST PISSED OFF TO GOLF WITH HIS MATES and left you emotionally hanging in mid air breaking your heart over him!
If it were me I'd have his case packed when he decided to come home from golf, and tell him, that until he's decided who he want's he can book into a hotel or go to his mistress, ( I wonder if she will really want him full time, they rarely do).
TELL HIM, YOUR NOT GOING TO BE SECOND BEST.
When you got married he made a promise of fidelity to you, he's been unfaithful,AND YOUR WORRIED IF YOU MADE HIM FEEL SMOTHERED!! Oh please.
No wonder he's been having an affair (I wonder if it's the lst) or if this is the one you've noticed. He's probably had loads ,afterall, it's obvious he can walk all over you.
For God sake wake up and smell the coffee girl.
This is 2007, I'm not trying to be unkind here, I just hate to see women down trodden like this
.
Why are you so sub-servient?
You have to toughen yourself up, show him what your really made of, he will respect you more.
If you sit back and let him set the rules here, you are asking for more heartache.If he get's away with this one,he will do it again. believe me I know.
Your worth much more.
SHOW HIM YOUR WORTH STAYING WITH by not letting him walk all over you,if you still want him
Men never want what they have or can have, they like the excitement of the chase.
He chased you once did'nt he? if you want him back you have to make him want you.Don't be so available.
Get yourself all dressed up for when he comes in, don't sit there in sheds looking sad and in your old toggs ,it will only make him feel that he had to have an affair because you had let yourself go.That's what he will be expecting you know.
Hand him the suitcase, he will be really shocked.If he refuses to go,Get your coat on and go out.Even if you walk or drive round the corner to a friend (one you can trust not to tell) or sit in the car, go anywhere so you don't come home until the early hours of the morning.
Then for for once,he'll be wondering where you are.
You've made him too comfortable in your marriage and he takes you for granted.Change that now, and if you still want him back, you might have half a chance this way.
If he doesn't care that you have asked him to leave and agrees to go,then he was probably going to leave you anyway, but this way, you will have the sastisfaction of being the one who chucked him out.
If you end up on your own, you will survive, thousands of us do every day and live on to find happiness with someone else,usually someone who can be faithful and really appreciates us.
Good luck, be strong for your own sake and self respect.
Keep us informed, we will be watching out for you.
2007-01-04 19:26:43 · answer #7 · answered by animalwatch 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I do remember you and I think he just told you in other words that he is involve with her again... Now what will happen here? I think the best for you is to tell him.. I think you and I need to talk very honest.. Tell him that you had always loved him and respected him but in this moment you need to know where are you standing with him..Ask him I need to know if you are leaving me for her because you deserve to now the true no matter how bad it might be.
If he is going to leave you, you will know and you have to accept that hon. It is better to cry for a while than to be in a relationship getting hurt and not knowing where are you standing on.. You will give yourself the respect that you deserve and leave with dignity. At the end you don't need man who cheats on your back, you need someone who really loves you and respect you!!
Let us know what happen!!! Take care
2007-01-01 00:26:40 · answer #8 · answered by getting_a_new_life 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say SMOTHERING..i say your just loving with intense..at least you have now HIS GUILT IN YOUR HANDS,this is why he answered you then,also he was honest,which is good,BUT now you have a job to do,and that's ask him(pick a right time) to write/or you right down WHY!!! he has done this( in (his way/thoughts),just let him chat/bla bla,but write them down in short 1-99 say,then go over them again to check the reasons,Then you have something to look at each day and RESOLVE THEM ONE BY ONE, if? this is what you want to do? I use to see a married women,i was single so i know all about the lies and hows,( I TOLD HER HUSBAND AFTER 2WEEKS) so....id love to help further...and yes you have handled it so far so good,talk and talk to as many people as possible,but NOT were he gets to know ...this is important..WORDS come back around AS TURDS sometimes.ok!! : - ) Riky
2007-01-01 00:10:52 · answer #9 · answered by rikyandnina 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Honey, you need to get yourself a lawyer and divorce this dude. Before you do financially prepare yourself!! Secure all your funds from the bank---close out your joint accounts and put them in an account with your name on it.
Prepare yourself for a new change in your life. Don't look back just keep your eyes forward and don't be fooled into believing that he'll cease a relationship with the other woman!
Maybe you should contact the other woman...You both have a stake in this triangle----He's probably telling her the same lies he's told you.
Serve your liar divorce papers and be done with him. MOVE on with you life and just chalk it up to a bad experience!
2006-12-31 23:45:19 · answer #10 · answered by aunt_beeaa 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋