How long can you put others before yourself and to what detriment to yourself....where do you draw the line?
For example if someone is abusive towards you but you know they do not mean it, they are terribly stressed themselves...how long can you take it for?
When has this happened to you?
2006-12-31 22:21:44 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
It is automatic for me, I am not sure how long it has been happening. I know I have not explained the exact situation very well, but I know my whole relationship is based around it and not in a good way, a vicious circle I am trapped in and cannot get free. Now it seems too late anyway.
2006-12-31 22:48:39 · update #1
If a person is a decent, well adjusted, mature, person and someone else tries to put them first; that person won't allow the situation to get awfully one-sided because he/she is decent and thoughtful and unselfish.
Sometimes people who are abusive take advantage of people who are understanding and nice and strong because 1) they feel they will be forgiven and understood and 2) they think the other person can take it and 3) they get to feel good about themselves for a little while.
Egotists and narcissists and selfish babies can believe the other person doesn't understand their misery, and weak people sometimes need to tear down strong people.
Plain and simple: It isn't your job to worry about what makes somebody act abusively. It shows lack of respect for you and lack of self-control in them.
You can try talking and asking this person to stop the behavior, but if that doesn't work you can't do much else but leave. The old "they don't mean it" or "they're stressed" isn't a good excuse; because most people can be stressed without abusing the people around them.
For a while you'll wonder how long you'll be willing to take it. For another while you'll hope it gets better. At some point you'll realize the only answer it to get out.
2006-12-31 23:14:34 · answer #1 · answered by WhiteLilac1 6 · 6⤊ 2⤋
Ok first this should never happen because if this person really loves you or cares for you they will give you the respect you deserve and find other ways to release their issues or problems than being ignorant with you.
When you do put others first you feel resentment, and eventually hatred for the people you are putting before your own needs.
Think of yourself not how to make everyone else happy.
2007-01-01 06:34:29 · answer #2 · answered by babygreeneyes1976 2 · 6⤊ 2⤋
I think that everybody has bad days and sometimes weeks, but when it becomes detrimental to you, it is time to confront the situation. Just because somebody doesn't mean it doesn't mean it is right. You need to speak up or just get out of the situation all together. I had to do this to my mother, who I haven't spoken to for over 3 years now. It was a hard decision and even harder to do, but I needed to do it for my own well being.
2007-01-01 07:03:42 · answer #3 · answered by lucettel 2 · 6⤊ 2⤋
I've put other people's happiness ahead of mine throughout my life, till I understood it's not a healthy behavour at all. By doing this u are trying to give yourself smthing you're not able to give yourself, or you actually don't WANT to give yourself.
You always should come first, cause untill you learn to love urself, you'll never going to be loving anybody else.
It's a tough work, but you can make it.
2007-01-01 06:41:07 · answer #4 · answered by What U see is what U get 5 · 6⤊ 2⤋
I personally don't put other people's happiness first, it just seems my own happiness is unimportant to me. :| It's true, I never do something in order to be happy, I can give up on something I want and could obtain for someone's sake. Sometimes I can give up on something I already have if it doesn't mean much to me.
But I will never! do something against my will just to make someone happy. This is where my limit is and it's not going to change very soon.
2007-01-01 06:30:41 · answer #5 · answered by Psychosis 2 · 6⤊ 2⤋
It's never to late, If you are not happy, do something about it. If it is a situation where you are "staying for the kids" you are doing them no favors, to see you unhappy, being abused, what do you think they are learning from this?
2007-01-01 07:08:05 · answer #6 · answered by ? 6 · 6⤊ 2⤋
Each person is different of course, but I NEVER, under any circumstances, consciously put anyone else before myself. So the line is drawn immediately.
I would never "take" anything that I don't feel is beneficial for me to take.
2007-01-01 07:34:20 · answer #7 · answered by JudasHero 5 · 4⤊ 4⤋
i just confront them as soon as they say something bad! lol
2007-01-01 06:30:13 · answer #8 · answered by trish 3 · 5⤊ 3⤋
hasn't happened to me but I would eventually end up resenting that person.
its not healthy for either of you.
dude, you deserve happiness too.
2007-01-01 07:13:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 10⤋