Wife turning home into adult day care center?

Question

My wife and I are about to make a move to the midwest, where she has many friends.
She has told me we need to buy a 5 bedroom house, as she's going to have 2 of her best female friends (1 is disabled) move into the house with us.

I'm opposed to this. Everytime i bring it up the issue, she get's pissed off and says if i have to make a choice, then i'll choose the 2 friends and you can just stay here. But, she also says i want you to be there too.

Frankly I think this is a waste of money to buy such a large home and have our home turned into a damn adult day care center.

My wife is retiring 5 years early and taking a huge cut in retirement pay. She say's i have your retirement (i'm retired from navy) to help out with any bills and we won't have a house payment we are paying cash for the house.

I thought our retirement years would be spent together doing fun stuff not taking care of other adults.

Am i being selfish here or what?

She has also stated that she wants me to return to working a full time job. I'm only 52 but i've already put in 32 years with the navy and retired. I don't want to work i want to be retired she says this won't be an option for you.

I also have Diabetes, and my health isn't very good.

I also have Diabetes, and my health isn't very good.

Trouble is most of the money we will use to buy the house is her inheritance from her parents

Answer 1

her idea would be great, if she were single and not relying on your income. If my boyfriend ever said to me that My income would be taking care of us and that i had to go get another job so that he could support his friends disabled or otherwise, id tell him to p*ss off and take my money and run. Youre not being selfish for wanting to spend time with HER and not taking care of others. its a great idea for a couple who agrees on it, or if she were single, but it should be something that you both decide, not her deciding with YOUR money. i think she is the one being selfish.

Answer 2

On the one hand, I don't think its unreasonable for anyone to expect a young person of 52 to work.

On the same hand, I think your wife is probably good with finances and knows what it will take to have financial stability after incomes are reduced.

On the same hand, I can even understand why she may want/need to retire early (maybe she's just sick of it or sensing layoffs, etc.).

On the other hand, I don't get why she has to move to the midwest and take in her own friends. I know she knows them, but there's a point where it could be a little too "inter-mingled" for a business arrangement.

On that same other hand, I am wondering if - since you are not working and have whatever retirement money you now have - your wife is just very aware that you both will not have stability unless you take another approach, and maybe her options are limited when it comes to other approaches.

If I were you, though, and if I were given the options she has given you - I think I may choose to stay and let her go.

Getting rid of a house payment certainly makes sense, though. She's right in trying to do that.

Is there any chance the two of you could see an outside counselor and see if that person could sort out some of the issues and see if someone in your relationship isn't understanding something? You aren't being selfish, but there's the chance you're not seeing something about what is going on either (then again, maybe she's just being selfish). I really think you ought to talk to an outsider who will offer some objective input.

If you don't go, and if you keep your income, can she still do what she wants? What about selling your home, paying cash for a condo locally, and not having payments? There's something off about what you're saying your wife wants to do.

There's also the factor of the marriage and whether she is "factoring your interests in" . See a counselor before you make any decisions, even if you have to see one alone.

Answer 3

Well i sure hope she is reading this because your wife is a fruitcake. You need to get her some real counseling she is a child in her mental thinking. Try diamoxal for the diabietes.
Does she have a mother that is still living or a father. You know the drill. This crap about threating you with a divorce of you do not obey her, needs to be dealt with. She is a child pure and simple. You did not marry her friends and if she places them over you and also refused to work on your marriage with you then pack her bags for her and don't let the door hit her in the but. She is a nut.
You are being realistic. She is being retarded.

Answer 4

No, your not being selfish. Your not a nurse. You and your wife worked hard to get your retirement. Simple solution, don't buy the 5 bedroom house. Is she looking at this as some kind of business?? Either way, it's taking on the responsibilities of other people that aren't yours. Good luck!!!!!!

Answer 5

You are in a tough spot, I feel as a married couple you and your wife should be best friends, but here she is saying her "friends" are more important than your marriage and relationship.

You are right, your retirement years should be spent enjoying each other and making memories.

Don't know what to tell you other than suggesting couples counseling.

Answer 6

Divorce her! Who needs a wife like that. Make her go out and get a job. Kick her to the curb.

Answer 7

Even though it seems very sweet of her to want to open your home to people who need it, one has to wonder, why wouldnt she enjoy the time with you and her. I think it seems she is a tad selfish. No you shouldnt go back to work if you dont need to. I think you need to put your foot down. And if my husband said to me its either move in two people or I can stay behind. I would see his behind moving further and further away with all his luggage.

Answer 8

Your wife is very unreasonable. She is married to her friends, not you. Divorce her.

Answer 9

kick your wife out of the house, don't listen to her. tell her you have me or your friends.