Before we even dated or met-my husband and I-he had dated a lot of girls and had a lot of girlfriends. Now, almost one year in our marriage, our intimacy and passion is at a huge low b/c of what happened with me from him. I truly love my husband, but because I feel that my husband is tarnished and used from all of his past relationships, while I had saved myself pretty much for the one I was to marry. I feel that our marriage could possibly go at an all time low b/c of the lack of intimacy and passion, and yet I am scared b/c I don't want to be "scarred" with anything else from him. He had told me he was clean-which was a lie-and forgave him...and then bam-another std...I cry b/c I see other couples and how close they are with one another-even just cuddling and I want that but know that it will be hard for me to once again try to trust-intimately-my husband again. He made mistakes in his past that has caused problems with the present and future.
2006-12-31 21:59:46 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You really need to get over his past.
Im not sure about having 2 stds at once. Go talk to the doctor about that, because I think that is the root of what you are going through. It hurts you more that you got the STDs, not the number of girls he was with.
Thinking though...when you got this first STD, and went to the doctor...they should have detected the other one?? Maybe your husband cheated and got the other STD? Go talk to your doctor about these possibilities to help clarify.
Now, if both of these STDs are from prior to meeting you then you may need to get over it...as hard as it is. I am concerned to why he said he was clean..I think he told you that because guys typically dont experiance STD symtoms like girls do. Alot of guys, even girls, tell eachother they are clean but really dont know-because they dont go do tests. I am honestly suprised because you kept your partner # so low, you didnt demand him to test. People with large partner #s you definatly should require testing done, if they argue it, well...get away...relationship not worth it, they choose to be lazy instead of your well-being. And, maybe your husband is in that lazy catagorey. Perhaps he cheated while he was with you and got the 2nd STD. Again, ask your doctor about how they popped up like they did, were they contracted at the same time? If he did likly cheat, just get out of this marriage while its still early. You dont want to harbor in this grudge forever, and if you stay without emotional closure, then you will always have this lack youre having, and it will worsen.
Get closure & forgive, or just get out.
2006-12-31 22:48:41 · answer #1 · answered by dianek 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you think he's cheating now? Or that just by virtue of his past experience that he's scarred?
He wasn't a virgin when you married him: you presumably knew that. You would have a hard time finding someone who is a virgin, they're pretty rare. So, it seems that you can't get past a past that you knew about.
Some STD's are very common and don't have symptoms, so he may have thought he was clean.
If he's not cheating on you now, you need to create trust with him. That's probably going to take marital counseling. If he won't go with you, go by yourself.
On the other hand, if you've caught him in a lot of lies, post-marriage, then your marriage may not be worth saving.
2006-12-31 22:57:49 · answer #2 · answered by Katherine W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The lies are a HUGE red flag...a flag you should have heeded before you married. This is just a guess, but something in your husband's behavior is keeping you from rebuilding trust. Do you think he is now cheating?
Both of you need to be tested for STD's and HIV. Additionally you need to open up better lines of communication in order to help intimacy grow.
2006-12-31 22:17:58 · answer #3 · answered by OleMarbleEyes 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The lies are not only harming you emotionally,but the STD issue could effect your health and even take your life. What real kind of marriage can exist if it don't have Love,Honor ,Respect.and Truth. We need All of these,one don't truly exist completely without the other. I am sorry but it appears your husband has no respect for his own health,so he also has no respect for you or your well-being. I think you know the answer.
2006-12-31 22:33:25 · answer #4 · answered by LVforever 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would be interested to know how your man is coping with your attitude to intimacy. Your behavior towards him may be the catalyst to drive him to seek pleasure from other women.
Open communication is needed her to convey to him your concern and feelings. STD's are not pleasant and affect women far more than men. Many men carry the STD without awareness.
Consulting a physician and being tested are paramount in saving your relationship from collapse.
Many cities have clinics that specialize in marital aid advice and can refer you to one of the inhouse doctors that can test you both and offer solutions to your problem.
Check your phone book for such clinics, discuss the matter with your husband and make it clear you want to have safe, pleasant un stressful intimacy with him. Any man worth his salt will be more than willing to accommodate his partner if love is strong or if the promise of refurbishing their relationship is important to them.
2006-12-31 22:29:15 · answer #5 · answered by Shelty K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I married someone who gave me just one std before I married him. WHY I went through with it I'll never know. But it lasted less than a year and my only regret is ever marrying him in the 1st place! (He's been married/divorced at least 3 times since)
2006-12-31 22:03:49 · answer #6 · answered by Tweet 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
really why oh why did you marry this man in the first place you knew all of this before you tied the knot so why did you do it I think it's a bit like closing the stable door after the horse has bolted. why would you want to enter into a marriage that was doomed before it even began?????
2006-12-31 23:00:18 · answer #7 · answered by flossypants 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why did you marry him????? The point is you are his wife. His past is his past. If you don't love him, get a divorce. If you do love him, then get past his history. Both of you get tested together for stds. If they come back negative, then you don't have an excuse. He's your husband and you should try and please him sexually. Use condoms if you think his history may haunt you.
2006-12-31 22:06:15 · answer #8 · answered by krzylove 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
insist on him using a condom----no condom no intimacy! Don't put yourself at risk with unprotected sex from your husband. Knowing his past history like you say you do and being subjected to STD's ----you sure don't want to be given HIV from this man.
You really need to communicate your feelings to your husband!
2006-12-31 23:40:05 · answer #9 · answered by aunt_beeaa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should both have been tested before you got married. Since you have married him, how can you trust him? Std's now, AIDS later!
2007-01-01 04:43:20 · answer #10 · answered by Special K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋