pls help.................?

Question

I loved a girl and she also loved me. she got married last jan.she had to do it coz of our family problems and we both decided to be alteast freinds forever. she promised me lots of things when we were going around like i will never forget u and will always keep u in my heart and life.
Its almost an year now but she has hardly called me 5-6 times that too for 2-3 minutes. she used to call me 2-3 hours a day when she was not married.
I can undrestand this now that she is married she cant call daily or for long but i accept atleast few calls a month. m i expecting too much. atleast as a freind she can call me.. thats my thinking.
well all my frds says she is married now and she has moved on and i shud also but i cant do that to someone whom i loved so much n i still love her. i m not expecting much frm her just few calls a month..meeting once in a year as a freind. but she is not doing it.
wat do u think? she really ignoring me or she must have got genuine problems? wat shall i do?

Answer 1

You really should move on. It is exceptionally difficult for a married woman to maintain friendships with men she was once involved with, even if it is now just platonic. Somehow the connection fades. Being married requires that you put a lot of focus and energy into the marriage. A lot changes. It's unfair of you to expect her to maintain her friendship with you. She will be needing to make friends with other couples with whom her and her husband can socialise together.

All I can suggest is that if you land up with someone that you're committed to, perhaps try and meet up couple to couple if you are really serious about a friendship with her. But you'll have to accept that it will be a completely new dynamic, without the intimacy of before, and you will have to work at being genuine friends with her husband. That's the only way I see it working.

People are designed to share their inner-most with one person. That has to be her husband for her now. You can only be something else. In which case, what? Once you find the intimacy dropped, there is little more to pursue in the friendship, unless the respective spouses are involved as well, and all of you on a superficial level. You would obviously not blame her husband for feeling somewhat insecure though, since you were once involved.

In summary, I think it's best you leave her alone and move on with your own life. You'll make it easier for her to commit to her marriage and easier for yourself to fall in love again. Trust me it is possible. Best of luck to you.