How do I get by?

Question

I am having a terrible time coping about a guy I was with for a year and half. When we were together he told me he wanted to commit suicide. It was an ongoing issue so I recommended he talk to a professional but he wanted to talk to only me. I tried my hardest to help him. Come to find out he kept a secret that he had a child he never met w/ a one night stand before we met. I helped him come to terms with it and when he finally met the child he ended our relaionship to pursue one with the mother of his child. I found all this out when I was in the hospital this past summer. I was pretty ill and the response I got was never to call him again. And there after he manipulated me into thinking I aided into him going back to the mother because I told him he should be a part of his child's life. They are not together anymore. But I am having an awful time dealing with how he treated me after I helped him with the serious threats of suicide. Ironically I am seeking prof. help b/ of this:(

Answer 1

What you're wrestling with is what's often called a "neurosis" in psychology. That's just the official title, you're not actually a nutcase. But what I'm guessing is happening is you feel a sense of injust at the result of what happened, and your pattern of thinking is not allowing you to let go of it. There's a type of therapy called REBT which deals with inappropriate emotions and inappropriate ways of dealing with life. An event happens (the man you helped ditches you without any gratitude) which in and of itself is not disasterous, but it filters through your belief system, which holds many tenets about right and wrong, good and bad, fair and unfair. It's there that you seem to have the problem. You're probably telling yourself things like "he shouldn't have ditched me, he's supposed to be grateful, he sucks, I hate him" and this probably leads to "Why did I fall for a guy like that? I must be stupid." etc etc. You get the picture. From the belief system we arrive at the current condition you are at, which is miserable.
What REBT recommends is this: Argue with yourself, but be rational about it. Admit that there's no logical reason why people "should" be grateful. And just because we make a mistake with one (or even many) relationships, doesn't mean we, at our core, "must" be "hopelessly" stupid. It just means we behaved stupidly once (or many times), but we are capable of behaving intelligently. Allow yourself your angry arguments, but debate them, with kindness and consideration towards yourself (don't be critical), with realistic thoughts.
Not to mention, allow yourself some credit for doing a good deed. Kudos.

Answer 2

That's pretty low for him to treat you like that. It's a good thing he is not with the mother sounds like he would make a poor husband and father to that child. He has issues that nobody else can help. You need to be greatful he is out of your life and try to move on without looking back. You can't change people no matter how hard you try.

Answer 3

You are doing the right thing, by seeking help for yourself. I am so sorry this had to happen to you. You didn't deserve that, especially for helping him. He sounds very unstable, and though it may not seem like it now, you are so much better off without him. I am sure you loved him very much. Just take one day at a time, and do your best to get through this. Cry when you feel like crying, and let the feelings come, so you can let them work themselves on through. This may not be much consolation now, but you WILL feel better after a while. It is just very "raw" right now, and yes, it hurts. Try to move on the best you can. I wish you the best. Take care.

Answer 4

You are a beautiful person. You have what it takes to learn from this experience and move on. Nothing else; simple continue on, and pursue your goals. It's important, especially for a woman to have goals and not put all of her dreams and hopes onto a man. Move forward, you're ready. One day at a time.
What do you want to do? Paint? Sing? Act? Build skyscrapers? Anything you want...

Answer 5

You shouldnt worry or think about things that make you feel unhappy. Try to find things that make you happy in your life and hold on to them. Just keep being yourself and you will be happy. dont listen to other people. Listen to yor heart