If you had been married for 14 years to a person who may not be your ideal woman but had many good qualities and would love you unconditionally no matter what you did or didnt do and would never leave you or cheat on you, would you leave for a gamble on what may be your perfect match?
2006-12-31 18:33:05 · 23 answers · asked by just a friend 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm sorry to say that you will wish for that in others at the very point you're asking this question. Validation and natural authenticity. Whether you admit to it or not, and you likely won't... It's what you've had all along that you've never accepted well enough.... that you will find you're in need of most in the end. Sadly that's the case... and the answer is right before you. I can't help you any further.
2006-12-31 18:41:13 · answer #1 · answered by odysseyofthought 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a toughie. I'd say don't get married in the first place but I guess hindsight is 20-20. I'm not married but I like to think the person I will marry will be perfect for me and I won't want anyone else.
If you're in this situation for real then you should ask yourself these Qs:
Is this perfect match love or lust? How long have i known this other person? Think seriously about what could happen realistically. What if it doesn't work? What about money.. spousal support, legal fees, basically is it worth it?
Is your new relationship strong enough to sustain everything? Divorces get messy, finances get involved, are there children, etc. You will feel guilt no matter what.
Do you still love your wife? Was there ever that spark? Could you regain it somehow... vacation, counselling, renew vows, etc.
I'm only 21 so I can't say I know a lot about what it's like to be with someone for 14 yrs but i do know many marriages make it and the couple is still in love... even if that isn't the case then you have to weigh many things. 14 years is a loong time and you have to consider so many things (wife, kids, money, how new girlfriend will handle it etc).
I'd take my time thinking it all over... passion is huge but you need way more than that to make the new relationship last.
2007-01-01 02:42:09 · answer #2 · answered by Principessa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What would I do?
If my 14 years of marriage was a bunch of fighting, then I would leave. But not for that perfect match.....
I think you are just bored with your marriage. Dont ever end a relationship for a new one...that "passion" dies quickly. This new "match"...its just something new..you are feeling that "high" you get from new relationships.
You need to quit focusing on this new fling...focus on your marriage. It seems your wife may be somewhat dull to you, that spark isnt there...I think if you do something with your wife that is new and unexpected, it will add some flair to your marriage. 14 years is along time to throw away for what you call a gamble. Think about this too, the laws of gambling are in the houses favor, not the player. In this, you are the player.
Why did you hold onto this marriage for so long if this woman wasnt your "ideal"?
You need to initiate more into your marriage, get rid of that boredom. She loves you no matter what you do or dont do...that means you can be a dead beat scum and she still loves you. I suggest dont take advantage of that possiblility, that will lead you to possibly where you are now-looking at other possiblities.
Get creative...your marriage may need some spunk...more fun...
2007-01-01 04:51:43 · answer #3 · answered by dianek 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's up to you.You said it yourself that it was a gamble.There are only two results.She may be the one or she may not.Are you sure you're in love with the other woman?You can't be so selfish.You said that your wife would love you unconditionally.So why don't you do something for a change and love her back and think of her for once.She will be devastated if you left her.14 years...She must have put a lot of effort and love into the marriage...And now you're thinking of leaving her just like that??
2007-01-01 02:43:35 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont know anyone who left their spouse for someone else and is in a happy relationship. Their must be something there if you have been with her for 14 years. I think you love your wife if you have been with her that long and you are infatuated right now but that will fade and you will have left your wife who may not be so willing to take you back. I think every marraige goes through tests and your faith is being tested right now. Do the right thing. you wouldnt be asking if you had no remorse over leaving.
2007-01-01 02:48:44 · answer #5 · answered by Jen 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me what you already have is the one for you. Atleast she loves you and wouldnt screw you over. You could get into another relationship and it completly go wrong and then you will have lost both of what you had. Be careful what you do or you will actually lose the one that is good to you and will always be there for you. You should love her more and not even have thoughts about leaving her for another woman considering how good she has been to you. I dont see what you couldnt love about her.
2007-01-01 02:37:28 · answer #6 · answered by blazin_cripz_2006_0wner.sheena 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the perfect match-- reminds me of that old quip: your face and my a** I'd stick with your original vows and put some extra effort into renewing this relationship. If you spent whatever it would cost to shift from this one to that one on this one....think of it, you could have the honeymoon you only dreamed about, and probably a new house, to boot. And there are lots of ways to improve marriages, but they all take work and faith.
You know what you need to do....
God bless!
2007-01-01 02:37:10 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
ya know this is pretty close to home. my sis lost her man due to a gambling habbit. so i would say no...go with the sure thing! the sure bet! go where you are stable! "F" that perfect match! who would you co'exsist well with? good in bed don't count here bud. stop an think this thing thru first , for real!
2007-01-01 02:38:29 · answer #8 · answered by ~just_jd~ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like you are bored and instead of wanting to figure out ways of spicing up your life with your partner you want to find a way to spice things up without your partner. That happens after years of marriage. 21 year veteran here, and let me tell you work on what you have, because usually when you gamble you loose, and is the regret of loosing what you already have worth it?
2007-01-01 02:57:58 · answer #9 · answered by Joye K 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm, seems like you are the only one who should be answering that... Sounds like the person doesn't love the devoted one or they wouldn't be contemplating this... not fair to the gal but then again they don't love her & don't care about what's fair.... all I can say is if you mess someone over, you're usually not rewarded forever for it...
2007-01-01 02:37:33 · answer #10 · answered by Nocine 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋