How do you deal with people who respond to you in a provocative manner?

Question

You never made any mistake, but still they pass a remark at you & make you feel guilty. How do you deal with these types of people?

Answer 1

eagle_of_............

please credit Dr. Seuss when you are quoting him.

"Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind"
Dr. Suess

yada yada yada........................

Answer 2

Only an individual with no identity would try to "own" you through heartless potshots. It makes them feel important and dominant, which is from lizard-brained fear (insecurity). Remember, it's not personal, and only expresses the abuser's nature, not yours. If you were acceptable to such people, then there would be something wrong with you. I would keep a (private) record on paper of the abuses, just in case it gets to be criminal...in that case, file a complaint with the police and go from there. I would also give a copy of your written record of the abuses to your parents (and the school administration,if it is happening at school) so they are aware of it. Still, many adults are negative souls and resent responsibility for that aspect of their jobs. Above all, don't react and threaten them, or tell them you're keeping a record! If you respond with strong emotions, then they will own you. Read "Codependent No More." It has a language for such dysfunctions in society.

Answer 3

I work with the general public, serving between 200 - 400 people a day. Most are amiable and courteous, but occasionally I get someone who is frustrating, insulting, aggressive or abusive. At first this used to take me aback, but I've since learned how to deal with it.

First thing I do is breathe - three deep (but un-noticeable) breaths usually helps.

Second is I bite my tongue and resist the urge to respond emotionally. That only fuels the conflict.

Third is I try to empathize and meet their human needs, for example putting myself in their shoes, asking if I can help, apologizing for their inconvenience (without taking sides or admitting fault).

Fourth is I try to listen carefully to their problem and fully understand what caused it. If I did, I apologize sincerely right away and take responsibility.

Fifth is to logically work the problem and provide a real solution. The main thing is to stay calm, make eye contact, speak in a low tone and be truly concerned about the person's welfare.

You may not arrive at a solution which is acceptable to the person, but you can at least approach it in a way where you are helping to solve the problem WITH them instead of debating about the problem as an adversary. That only gets people defensive and angry.

Anger comes from fear and fear comes from insecurity. Recognize that simple fact and try to meet the person's needs so they feel more secure...

Answer 4

That's a tough question. I have learned to try to keep a distance from these types of people as much as possible.One good response form one person I had known just said to consider the source and see it as their weakness.I think many people have learned to overcompensate for some insecurity in their lives. Some seem to emulate those personality traits from their parents or guardians.

Answer 5

The people who do that don't have a high self-esteem, so they try to put down others to feel better about themselves. They are probably jealous of you, which is why they try to make you feel bad. Don't let them get under your skin, because that is what they want. If you can't avoid them, then when they say something derogatory to you, say, "I'm sorry you feel that way, " and then just walk away with your head held high.

Answer 6

The best way is to ignore them. AND avoid them....If you can. Preoccupy your mind with something else. Think that if these people are being this nasty to you then they must be doing this to other people....and therefore they are really unhappy people. You don't have to go down with them. You have a choice. You have a choice not to make their problems, yours. Choose to be happy.

I had a co-worker experience like this and endured it for TWO YEARS. It was a living *H*! She was a bully and VERY VERY UNHAPPY. I did finally leave....but while I endured it, I had to change my way of thinking.

Answer 7

I think it's good to understand where they are coming from and how they are presently feeling.

And also, to you, you don't make any mistakes, but to them, you probably made some mistakes.

They may not be easy to do. I would just leave them alone.

Answer 8

A lesson in rumor control will help otherwise subjectivity will cost you a more difficult time. Try THE OTHER SIDE OF POWER by Claude M. Steiner PhD

Answer 9

I laugh at them and walk away! If they come back again I can usely think of something to say that makes them call me a little smart a**...then I tell them yeah my a## is so smart i had to go back to school so my brain could catch up...LOL That usely get the job done....And then do not talk to them.

Answer 10

You mean provoke you into what?
Sex? Or just to get a rise out of you with your emotions?
Just tune them out, laugh and walk away, leaving them thinking that you are the cool one. Happy New Year. By the by you are the cool one if you walk away.

Answer 11

Tell them to go away. Seriously. Especially if you're in a relationship. It' not your job to make them feel good. If you're uncomfortable, tell them to get lost.