RE: What's wrong with my husband?

Question

I wrote earlier, thanks for all the great messages. My husband is in the military and so is the B***H. Way lower rank than him of course. We've been married 18 years and our son is almost 18. I don't know how someone can just throw his family away. We had a great marriage until this. He met her while they were both in Iraq, go figure. She won't get her damn claws out of him and let him go back to his family. He's told her to move on a few times but she has something that he can't resist. And let me tell you, it sure ain't looks or smarts. We're not getting a divorce till we hit 20yrs cause I'm getting my military benifits come hell or high water. I'm sure he spent the holidays with her, even though we are supposed to be "working things out" He made up this elaborate lie about where he'd be for the holidays, but his suspicious actions told me otherwise. He's just a huge liar!!!! Thanks everyone for writing. It really helps to talk!

Answer 1

He is a jerk.not all guys are like that......Sorry ! If you can stick it out to 29 years .ok....but if you can't only you can make the decision....
I can tell you this though...Military service and war.(IRAQ)
bring people very close together ecause they are sharing a common experience and depend on eachother so much..he also is a MAN. He needs comfort and is taking that comfort even though he is married and is mocking his marriage .....he is a weak guy who has been put into a situation that he clearly doesn't have the guts to walk away from...his buddies probably know about it too and he's flaunting his rank and rhe fact that he has a lover....

have you written to his commander about this to report her ? If he is an officer he is acting in conduct not becomming an officer........Report her too if you really have the goods on the both of them. Your marriage is shot by now , he's a liar, and you know it...I don't know when he's coming home.but .maybe he's just fu*&ing her... No, I am not minimizing your problem ..but you never know...... In fact theres a lot you may not know...play it close to the chest and be cool...write nice letters..send stuff...and wait for him to hand himself.

Sorry about this .But you have to know this..it's usually the other wat around..the guy gets the "DEAR JOHN" letter , get's dumped while he's in service...

I am sorry for you .all men aren't like this.......

Answer 2

18 years of marriage is a long time, your husband is the one that needs to do the "un doing" I really admire the fact that you are hanging in there. Your son is at an age that he can see your husbands atrocious behavior, make sure you are honest with your son about what is going on if he suspects or already knows about "daddy's little affair" reassure your son YOU would never leave him.... he probably all ready knows that... but tell him anyway. Two years is a long time to wait, don't just sit around waiting for your lite (life) to turn green again..... Join a club....make new friends so you don't have to hear your old friends lament on your situation. Your husband is going to miss you and your son once the fling is over, he did not only let you down for the holidays but he let his son down too! What ever happens in the future make sure, make sure the kid does not get hurt in the home front battle. Start getting your legal ducks in a row, so when the time comes .... the light turns green... you put the pedal to the metal and find your self the open road.....smile

Answer 3

He needs to get real and decide what he really wants. We live in such a disposable society these days. Thank liberalism for all of this. I believe when two people care for each other, they can save their relationship. Evaluate yourself even though you are not the cheater. Ask yourself if there is anything you do that has a negative reaction and see if you really want to change for the better. Of course he needs to do the same, not only you. You need to corner him and give him an ultimatum. It's you and your son or the whore that can't keep her legs shut & destroys families. Don't yell or be negative when you ask him if he wants you & your son or the whore. If ya need anything, email me or IM me anytime. Take it easy!!
Don't listen to others when they say ditch the loser. You have feelings for him and had a special bond with him. No one else understands that. If you've really had enough, then it's time to think about what you want to do for you and your boy.

Answer 4

guess if u need the military benefits, than wait it out. just let him go be with her as much as he wants to be, as u really can't stop him from it. maybe he will see her for what she is eventually and be Glad to come home. however this is happening and has not ended because he wants it like this. it is so very hard to compete with something new, went through it not 3 years ago, and mine refused to come home also, so we are now divorced, i too saw a change in how he felt about me once she entered into the picture. just play it cool if u need to hit the twenty year mark, as she could always convince him to get a divorce like the woman my ex got involved with. it's all about lust, and really it doesn't last all that long, if u would just let it be, he may come to his senses and return home, that is if u still have any love for him after all this. this could not have happened without him, she didn't force him, it was always his choice to do it or not. good luck to u

Answer 5

i know this hurts you very much as my husband did the same thing and he is now married to her! she rules him like a puppet on a string. there is nothing you can do, its up to him! but I can tel you that there may be somthing better out there for you. Someone will come along and make love to you like you have never been made love to before, someone might love you sing to you in the moonlight under the stars. someone will show you things you never seen before! its ok change is sometimes better than the same always! just dont try to understand him, because you never will! he has a different brain than you! just do something to make you happy! you have a long road a haed of you! I am truley sorry for his ignorance but I hope you have as many beautiful things happen to you as I did!

Answer 6

I can see the anger and I can't blame you. HOWEVER, it is not the woman's fault, it is your husband. HE should have backed off from her. HE knew he was married. Don't be hostile towards him not one bit because believe me, he will get it back. Most relationships that starts out with infidelity was involved never ever works. So don't worry, payback is a b!tch. I am glad you are able to vent about this. If you need someone to chat /vent to email me at [e-mail].

Answer 7

you particularly desire that he sleeps in the different room and whilst he does your chuffed. You ask to your very own mattress room or bypass sleep with the youngsters. He does not' guard you or your toddler in a foul situation yet leaves you there and walks away.

Answer 8

The military has two problems with your husband's affair. First, they frown on relations between Officers, Non-com Officers, and enlisted. Second, they really frown on two military members having affairs. You may wish to remind him of these items.

Answer 9

Why not get them both arrested? thats what we call revenge military style.. if your both military and live in or by a military town/base you can have the MP's arrest them both or just her for harassment. PS tell your guy you DEMAND he be tested for every STD possible, you dont know what that home wrecker gave him, or if hes been with others!

Answer 10

From what it sounds like to me, you need to start blaming your husband for this problem, not the other woman. Yes, I'm sure she knew he was married and should have backed off, but HE'S the one who IS married and should learn how to control himself. It sounds like he doesn't want to end his relationship with her, from what you're saying. As far as going back to his family, that's HIS decision, not hers.