i want to live w/ my boyfriendwhen we go to college,my mom says not to (he will have no reason to marry me)?

Question

is she right? or wrong?..i want to live with him because we are not only boyfriend and girlfriend but also best friends...we will help each other with class work..and also it will save money instead of living on my own (living with my mom is not an option)...so do you think i should live with him or just struggle to live on my own

Answer 1

I have to say that I agree with your Mom. I am 39 and my sister lived with her boyfriend and had two children with him. They are both degreed and once they finally married after about 18 years they are now divorced because she is angry about all of the years that she waited foolishly. He once stated to her " why buy the cow when you can get the milk free.? Don't do it!

Answer 2

I don't think it is a good idea for a few reasons. First of all, statistics show that couples who live together before marriage have much higher divorce rates than those who dont' ( and general divorce rates are ridiculously high already!). Although it seems strange, because it seems logical to get to know someone in that way before marriage, for some reason that I don't feel confident to explain it tends to make true commitment an issue. But besides that, in the shorter term, what happens if you both get to college, meet new people, find new interests, and change (believe me it does happen even if you think it won't) and you don't want to be together anymore. Or what if you have an awful breakup? Either this will make your living situation really stressful, or you will be forced to try and find a new arrangement, adding a ton of stress to what is already going to be a very busy and stressful time in your life. As for the money issue, there are plenty of other students looking for roomates, I think it would be wise to explore that option rather than assuming living with your boyfriend is the only way. Honestly, I wish you the best of luck and am not trying to say that you guys will break up or anything like that, I hope you stay together and are incredibly happy and remain best friends as well, that is an awesome basis for a relationship, I just hope you'll consider the possibility that bad things can happen, and really think through how that would affect you and your living situation if you decided to live together. Best wishes with everything!

Answer 3

Now come on, there has to be girls that you can live with. Don't make it sound like he is your only option because that is what you want. I hate to say this but you asked. Your mom is right , think about it , if someone told you here take this car you don't have to pay for it just drive it around and around and around for a year or maybe even longer. And then you happen to see a different car that you like better or the one you have blows up And the person comes back and tells you you have to pay for this car ! There it sits , its older not as pretty as you once thought it was. And doesn't run to boot. Are you still going to want the car?

Answer 4

One comment was about buy a cow when the milk is free. If you want to force some one into marriage with the pay off of sex, extortion is not really a good way to start a relationship. Besides, that is a little close to prostitution. Also, since there is a lot of free, or low cost milk out there, there really is no good reason to buy the cow. Interesting that women are referred to cows so much. In your mother's era her advice might have had a ring of truth and reality to it. In this day and age, it doesn't really float. If he just wants sex he will get it with or with out you. If he wants friendship and a good relationship then it will be with or without sex. One does not immediately relate to the other nor does one preclude the other. Listen to your heart. Love is blind and usually stupid, but if this is the dumbest thing you do this year, or over the next few years, then you are ahead of the game. Listening to your heart is difficult and won't give you too many answers, but you will be doing what you want rather than what your mother, or preacher, or anyone else wants. It may work, it may not, but you will never know unless you go for it. Just don't get pregnant. Good luck.

Answer 5

Why at this time on your new life do you want to be involved with an old boyfriend. This is the age to find out who you really are and where you want to go. Not only are you way too young to be in such a commited relationship, it is time to expand your "wings" and have fun, get an great educations to further your future. I have a daughter who is a junior in college and a few of her friends that had relationships in school, went to the same college- no one is together now. Be free and enjoy

Answer 6

You should move in with him IF you are ready to get pregnant and raise a child and pay the rent and bills on your own when he bails. It could happen! Believe me, I know!!!!! You can't say he wouldn't do that. We all say that. He has parents with opinions, too, and a vision of a future that I bet doesn't include a pregnant you or a baby. Find a female roomate. Talk to the housing person at the college. She can match you up with others looking for roomates.

Answer 7

my (now) husband and i lived together before we were married/engaged and it was fine. we had the chance to get to know one another really well, and it was just great. however, i made sure he knew that i did hope to marry him.

i was reading something on the net the other day that indicated that the women who get married are more likely to a) be open about their wishes to marry their partner, b) be prepared to walk away from their partner in the long run if they are not going to be married to them and c) love themselves more than they need/love their partner, and so therefore don't sacrifice their own happiness just to be with their man.

i think that you can live with a partner, and still get them to commit to marriage - you just have to be open about what you both want and expect. oh - and make sure you keep showing your partner that you love and respect him. my hubby and i are incredibly happy still, and have been together for almost 8 years, because we make sure to always let the other person know how much they are loved and appreciated. and when you are happy, then marriage seems awesome, not scary.

this is a decision for you and your boy - but not for your mum. listen to her advice, but you have to live your own life.

oh - one other thing though... boys often make better long-term partners when they have lived on their own first, as it means they know how to do little things like keep a house a bit clean and look after themselves... so maybe try living on your own initially, and then move in together after about 6months.

you are still young, and for most people, they will not end up with their high school sweetheart - and in many ways that is the best thing, because you still have heaps of growing up to do. but just do whatever you feel you want/need to, because everyone has to make their own mistakes.

Answer 8

i wudnt live with him, the relationship you have will change and may not be for the better. in the long run you struggling to live on ur own, will benefit u later, trust me. rushing to live with a guy before you can learn to live on ur own is a mistake

Answer 9

I think your mom has a pretty old-fashion sense of things. I know my parents weren't too happy when I moved in with my boyfriend, but he's finally worn me down :) and we're engaged. He wanted me to marry him even before we moved in together, I just wasn't sure. But we're engaged to get married in spring of 2008, so my mom and her family are happy. If you really want to move in, your mother can't force you not to, however explain to her that many couples get engaged after they live together.

Answer 10

You lived with him maximum of your existence why the substitute now? My guess is your mom assist you to run wild, think of approximately it your dad in all possibility in basic terms has your maximum suitable pastime at coronary heart.